News From the Campaign Trail

This is my first time seriously campaigning since the infamous brownie incident in Louisville last month.  Unfortunately, I had lost some ground.  It seems that too many people are content on voting for John McCain or Barack Obama. 

I am told that I am a “good fellow”, that my heart is “in the right place”, and I “have a few good ideas.”  I am also told that these are “serious times” and we need a “serious leader” with “a chance” of winning.

Why are the Democrats and Republicans the only parties with “a chance?”  They are the causes of all of America’s ills.  Every failed policy in the last 100 years has been authored by Democrats and Republicans.  Do you want to give them another chance?

On the bright side, I did do some campaigning at maternity wards to the newborns for my 2028 campaign.  They all seemed to like my ideas.  There was one baby who cried, but only because she pooped in her pants.

Don’t forget my show on Sunday is the Christmas Special.  10:00 Eastern, 9PM Central on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Ahmnodt-Heare .

 

Quitting Cold Turkey

I decided to quit as soon as the word broke out about my addiction.  I am going to a local Phonics Anonymous meeting tonight.  Maybe with the money I will be saving, I could by some radio ads or even a TV ad. 

It reminds me when my Aunt Marlene was hooked on knitting.  I saw the changes in her and they weren’t pretty.  I made a decision never to get involved in a habit that involved needles.

I am taking it one day at a time.  With the support I have been getting, I will conquer this phonics addiction.

My Addiction

New World Order News Service

I have to come clean.  I have an expensive habit and I am currently seeking treatment.  I am hooked on phonics.  It started so innocently – a word here, a word there.  One day, I tried to go without phonics.  I was speechless.  I went through withdrawals.  I started trembling.

I would get my phonics fix and things would improve for a while.  Before I knew it, I was chain-phonicing.  It started affecting my job. I couldn’t write a memo unless it was phonically correct.  The turning point was when I told a campaign volunteer she was phonically challenged and she quit.

Why Democrats Should Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

1)War – Barack Obama wants to send troops to Pakistan.  I want to send them to Canada to fight during the day and to come home at night.  It would be hard to send all of our troops home from Pakistan every night.

2)Economy – Barack Obama wants to tax the rich.  I want to tax everybody 100%.  While that doesn’t sound popular, my plan allows people to get a good portion back every week, as soon as the government’s bills are paid.  People will complain that they aren’t getting enough money back, so spending will be reigned in.

3)Jobs – Barack Obama wants to create green jobs.  I will create jobs that will not discriminate against color.

4)Global Warming – Obama wants to fight global warming year round.  I will only fight global warming when it is hot.  I would encourage global warming when it gets too cold. 

5)Abortion - Barack Obama believes that life begins at birth.  I believe that it begins at 40.  This gives a woman the leverage needed to make sure her children listen to her. 

Why Republicans Should Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

1)War – John McCain wants to fight in Iran, Iraq, and other places far, far away.  I will declare war against Canada.  Our soldiers will fight from 9-5 Monday-Friday and come home every night.  Fighting close to loved ones is better for a soldier’s morale.

2)Gas Prices – I would retrofit pick-up trucks so a cow can fit in the back.  The cow ould have enough feed to emit methane, which would be used in the truck. With trucks using methane, it will lower the demand for gasoline and lower prices.

3)Global Warming – I have a hybrid plan.  I would fight global warming in the summer.  I would encourage global warming in the winter.  Spring and Autumn will be planned as needed.

4)War on Terror – We already won.

5)Jobs – I would create a lot of low paying jobs so employers can hire more people and we would have fewer people unemployed.

As shown above, I would be the better candidate for president than John McCain.

LewRockwell.com Blog: John McCain Copies Ron Paul

LewRockwell.com Blog: John McCain Copies Ron Paul

Nothing I hate more than a copycat. Not only does John McCain steal Ron Paul’s line about peace and prosperity, but he steals my idea about campaigning to Canadians.

I had been campaigning in Canada and in Europe trying to get the overseas vote for a while.  It was me who suggested everybody should be allowed to vote for the leader of the free world.

Clearing Up Rumors

I am not quitting my quest to be the next President of the United States.  I have had a few personal committments I had to take care of.  I run a business and in order to maintain that business, I have to tend to it from time to time.  I have a daughter that I have on weekends and two weeks during the summer.  And there is the time I consume being the head of the local “Hello Kitty” meetup group.

I have also been consumed by some issues in my campaign.  One of these issues is the plight of the humpback dolphin.  Once the pride of Lake Michigan, they have been wiped off the face of the earth due to a reckless oil spill.  It was the actions I took which helped me learned about the endangerment of other spieces, like the bottlenosed whale and the crying hyena.

I have decided to spend my next two radio shows discussing other things besides politics.  Tomorrow’s radio show will be about helping people who need advice.  I have already received some letters and will share them and give the advice on the show tomorrow.  The following Sunday will be my Christmas show.  After the long primary season the Democrats put us through, we need to celebrate.  I will play some music and tell some of the traditions held at the Heare residence.

Some people might of thought that I have quit because I have not been included in polls.  That is not true.  I figured I wouldn’t be included in many polls because of the connections pollsters have with the CineMafia.  If you’re polled and they ask you who you want for president, tell the pollster, “Ahmnodt Heare!”