Awareness Campaigns and Why I Don’t Like Them

I have issues with “awareness” campaigns.  The issue isn’t that the causes aren’t important, but that they are too important to only allow a week or a month dedicated to the issue.

Take AIDS Awareness Month for example.  December is usually AIDS Awareness Month.  I think that AIDS requires our attention year-round.  Just because it is not AIDS Awareness Month doesn’t mean that you can’t get AIDS from unprotected sex or from sharing needles.  Grandma Oudda has taken AIDS awareness to the next level.  She will never share her knitting needles again because she doesn’t want to spread or contract AIDS.

April is National Autism Awareness Month.  I am afflicted with a form of autism known as Asperger’s Syndrome.  Awareness doesn’t mean that I get to pack away my symptoms for the year every May 1.  The symptoms are around in May, June, July, and every other month – not just April.

July is National Hemochromatosis Month (Whatever that is.)  Hemochromatosis is an overload of iron in a person’s body.  The only reason why I am mentioning this is because it is July and I know not everybody is going to give heed to what I am writing.

This is why I have never (and will never) set a month aside for Affordable Entertainment Awareness.  Entertainment is expensive every month, not just July, April, or December.  If there is an issue close to your heart, then you should know that awareness has to be a 365-day project and not just something that needs only one month’s attention.

Right Country – Wrong Target

The Department of Homeland Security’s Director Janet Napolitano suggested that Canada was partially to blame for allowing terrorists to enter the United States and causing the September 11 attacks.  Whether this is true or not is irrelevant.  It wasn’t like the terrorists had signs that said, “Hi, my name is Mohammed Atta and I am a terrorist.”  The terrorists were in the United States for a while and we didn’t know they were terrorists until it was too late.

What we should blame Canada for doing is deteriorating American entertainment.  They not only knew the limited “talents” of William Shatner and Celine Dion, but they trained them in their mission to sabotage American entertainment.  Janet Napolitano has to quit worrying about an incident eight years ago and go after William Shattner, who has been systematically destroying the quality of American entertainment for over 40 years.  Until this situation is taken care of, Americans will not take the Department of Homeland Security seriously.

Acronyms – The Next Phase of the Campaign

I was fortunate Betty Poundcake was in my area tonight.  She was the medium that was able to channel endorsements from the grave.  She didn’t channel any endorsements tonight, but thanks to her, I was able to gain valuable advice from former President Gerald Ford.  Former President Ford said he had been following my campaign for over a year.  He gave an honest and sometimes painful critique of my campaign.  He said I spend too much time talking in a language that normal people understand.  He said that people want a president that sound smarter than they do.

He gave me my first lesson.  He said that if I use acronyms, I would sound more presidential.  Not only would I sound more presidential, but I would be more respected among my competitors and their supporters.  Here are a few we brainstormed:

READ – (Real Entertainment Affordable Daily)  READ is a program that will make entertainment affordable and filter out Canadian spies posing as entertainers.

SNIFF – (Sensible Needs in Federal Funding) SNIFF will continue to fund things we need (Like the military and nudie bars for the military) while eliminating pork programs like Congress and the Supreme Court.

SLUT – (Systematically Losing Unneeded Taxes)  This program will eliminate taxes that are no longer needed after raising the rates on taxes that are needed.

I will add other programs as the needs arise.  I have the foundations of a strong campaign with READ, SNIFF, and SLUT.  I would like to thank Betty Poundcake and former President Gerald Ford for their help.

The Uniting of Two Issues

For those who are new to my campaign, welcome!  One of the issues I have been campaigning about is that entertainment is becoming cost prohibitive.  My favorite target to date has been the Motion Picture Association of America (or “Cinemafia” as I call them.)  Not only has the price of movies kept going up, but the price of going to a concert or a sporting event.

I am currently in Amsterdam studying prostitution in society.  Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam and I wanted to see the various effects it has on a society where it is legal.  My in-depth studying on prostitution stopped when I found out it was €200 ($272.92) for an hour with the prostitute I wanted to study.  I ended up spending the night studying prostitution from afar from my hotel room window.

I had thought about asking for money from the people in the streets for money for my research.  I concluded that a candidate for President of the United States should never ask for money, even if it is for a worthy study.  I believe that dealing with prostitution requires a “hands-on” approach.  From this moment on, I will be adding prostitution to the umbrella of entertainment that is no longer affordable.

I will be watching the early games of the NCAA Tournament before catching the 10:15 flight to Stockholm.  At least watching the games online are still free.

Publicity Problems

It was 8:55AM and I was just about ready to walk from Schaanwald to Vaduz.  There was no media:  No television, no radio, no newspapers, nobody from the media.  There weren’t any people except for a young man named Rolf.  He was wearing a green military jacket, a green military t-shirt, and faded and shredded blue jeans.  He had a bone to pick with me.  He was wondering why I was doing this walk-a-thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness and not for allowing the good people of Liechtenstein tovote for the leader of the free world.

I explained to Rolf that my original intent was for what he wanted when I planned this trip.  However, a lady named Claudia from nearby Planken (in Liechtenstein, all the cities are nearby.  It is the Delaware of Europe.) had been following my blog for a while and she seemed irate about the cost of entertainment.  She did not seem overly concerned about being unable to vote for the leader of the free world.  So I decided to go with the Affordability Awareness campaign.

Rolf and I headed off to Vaduz.  He had handwritten a sign in German for me to carry.  The sign he had me carry said,

“Nur eine dumme Person Kampagne in Liechtenstein, um Präsident der Vereinigten Staaten.” 

He told me that it said, “It takes a special person to campaign in a country he doesn’t live in.”  I found out later it meant something different.

Rolf was filming the walk-a-thon on his camcorder while I was holding the sign.  He got plenty of closeups of just me and the sign.  People were honking their horns as they drove by.  It seemed like Claudia was wrong and Liechtensteiners wanted to vote for the leader of the free world. 

At about 2:00, I arrived in downtown Vaduz.  When the people in the streets of Vaduz saw the sign I was carrying, they started laughing.  I was puzzled that people in the rest of the country seemed to applaud my effort while they laughed at me here.

A supporter who spoke both German and English told me that the sign actually meant, “Only an idiot would campaign in Liechtenstein for the President of the United States.”  At first I was mad at Rolf, but I soon realized he was just misguided.  While it is true I am running for the President of the United States, I feel it is important that people in the free world should be able to vote for the leader of the free world.   It just happens that the leader of the free world is always American.

The TeleMafia – The New Enemy?

I was watching “Entertainment Tonight” and I saw something very disturbing.  Nadya Suleman was on it.  I was baffled.  Does she have a TV show?  Is she a rock singer?  Does she do movies?  She does none of these things.  Her claim to fame was giving birth to eight babies while on welfare.

I have been told that sometimes things go over my head.  I must have missed the moment that giving birth to eight babies with no means to support them became entertainment.  Is there some entertainment value in implanting embryos that I am missing?

I wonder why the TeleMafia thinks a single mother raising 14 babies in a house that is about to be foreclosed “entertaining”.  The entertainment industry can’t be so hurting that this has become entertaining.  “Entertainment Tonight” should get back to specials with hotties in bikinis.  They might not have an ounce of talent, but I can overlook that.

Campaigning in Europe

I will be campaigning in Europe next week.  Below is the schedule:

Monday 3/16 – London:  I will once again go to the U.S. Embassy and hold a rally for Britons to be allowed to vote for the leader of the free world.

Tuesday 3/17 – Dublin: No real campaigning, just partying with the Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.  This is also my daughter Patricia’s birthday.  I am saddened that I am unable to play quarters with her for her birthday. She will turn 6.

Wednesday 3/18 – Liechtenstein:  Cross-country walk-a-thon promoting affordable entertainment to Liechtensteiners.  Unlike the United States, Liechtenstein can be walked across in less than a month.

Thursday 3/19 – Amsterdam:  I will deeply examine their prostitution system and develop a strategy to develop a similar system in the United States.

Friday 3/20 – Stockholm:  Spring Training Camp with the Swedish Bikini Team.  I’m working on a political spin for this.  If you know one, please let me know.

Saturday 3/21 – Back to the United States.