Ahmnodt for Commerce Secretary?

NOTE:  Special thanks to Debroah Elissmann for e-mailing President Obama and me for this idea.

Supporters have been bombarding President Obama with e-mails suggesting that I be the new Commerce Secretary.  Some suggested my name without giving too many details about my plan to stimulate the economy.  Debroah Ellismann (who wrote me on condition of anonymity) wrote a letter with some of the details of my plan.

Dear President Obama,

I don’t normally write letters to elected officials, but when I heard that Senator Gregg withdrew his name for consideration, I knew right away who the perfect replacement would be.  His name is Ahmnodt Heare.  Like you, he also ran for president in 2008.  He didn’t fare as well.  I think it was because he didn’t fully explain his economic policy until after the election.

Mr. Heare thinks outside of the box.  Sometimes, he’s so far outside, he can’t even see the box.  But once you hear his stimulus plan, I think you will agree that he would be the perfect candidate for the job.

A large portion of his plan involved bailing out companies that have already failed.  He believes that reviving a company that has failed, the companies will have to hire people to maintain the business.  By bringing back Dumont Television Network, there will have to be studios, actors for shows, news teams, and cleaning crews.  This will create the most jobs because failed companies need people most in order to succeed.

I know you are a busy man and I wish you the best of luck regardless of whom you choose.  Thank you for taking the time for reading this letter.

Sincerely,

Debroah Ellismann

I thank Debroah for her endorsement as well as all the other people who have written President Obama.  I know my plan will work.  Thank you all for your efforts.

Ahmnodt Heare’s Job Program

Maybe it is just me, but you don’t revive the economy by giving large amounts of money to companies who are laying off employees and to banks who are not loosening lines of credit.  I have revealed portions of my plan in the past.  Today, I will tidy it all up.

My Bailout plan I mentioned in a previous post:

1) Bailout companies that are fiscally sound:  By giving responsible companies a couple billion dollars, they will have the capital required to create jobs.

2) Bailout defunct companies:  By bailing out companies that have gone by the wayside like Eastern Airlines and the horse-and-buggy industry, jobs that were lost will be revived.

My Jobs Program:

• Barack Obama wants to create green jobs.  I will create jobs that will not discriminate against color.  Everybody needs work.
• I would also create a lot of low paying jobs so employers can hire more people and we would have fewer people unemployed.
• I will bring jobs for Americans by finding things to do and the people who need them done.  I will open training centers all over the country to train Americans vital jobs like flipping burgers, working a cash register, and stocking shelves.
• I would replace NAFTA with USAFTA, a free trade agreement that would bring jobs to the United States.

Barack Obama has made his bed.  And he probably got the linen from a store that is soon going out of business.

Al-Qaida No. 2 insults Obama in new audio message

via Al-Qaida No. 2 insults Obama in new audio message

This time we know the name of the next number 2 guy that we are going to kill.  He is Ayman al-Zawahri, and he is the latest in line to the fatal job position.

The economy is tough and jobs are scarce, but when I see a job opening for “Al-Qaeda number two guy”, I just skip it and look for a less fatal job position.

I think I know why it’s called the “Number 2″ position.
If I am elected President, my first executive order will be to declare Osama bin Laden as the number 2 guy.

My New Bailout Plan

My bailout plan differs from other plans because my plan will create jobs.  My plan will involve two steps:

1) Bailout companies thaqt are fiscally sound:  By giving responsible companies a couple billion dollars, they will have the capital required to create jobs.

2) Bailout defunct companies:  By bailing out companies that have gone by the wayside like Eastern Airlines and the horse-and-buggy industry, jobs that were lost will be revived.

The current plan does not create jobs.  It only maintains some of the jobs we already have.

Will the Economy get Worse before it gets Better?

Yes it will.  If people don’t have money to buy stuff, then the people who work in stores that have stuff will lose their jobs.  This will lead to more people with no money to buy stuff.

Why Democrats Should Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

1)War – Barack Obama wants to send troops to Pakistan.  I want to send them to Canada to fight during the day and to come home at night.  It would be hard to send all of our troops home from Pakistan every night.

2)Economy – Barack Obama wants to tax the rich.  I want to tax everybody 100%.  While that doesn’t sound popular, my plan allows people to get a good portion back every week, as soon as the government’s bills are paid.  People will complain that they aren’t getting enough money back, so spending will be reigned in.

3)Jobs – Barack Obama wants to create green jobs.  I will create jobs that will not discriminate against color.

4)Global Warming – Obama wants to fight global warming year round.  I will only fight global warming when it is hot.  I would encourage global warming when it gets too cold. 

5)Abortion - Barack Obama believes that life begins at birth.  I believe that it begins at 40.  This gives a woman the leverage needed to make sure her children listen to her. 

Why Republicans Should Vote for Ahmnodt Heare

1)War – John McCain wants to fight in Iran, Iraq, and other places far, far away.  I will declare war against Canada.  Our soldiers will fight from 9-5 Monday-Friday and come home every night.  Fighting close to loved ones is better for a soldier’s morale.

2)Gas Prices – I would retrofit pick-up trucks so a cow can fit in the back.  The cow ould have enough feed to emit methane, which would be used in the truck. With trucks using methane, it will lower the demand for gasoline and lower prices.

3)Global Warming – I have a hybrid plan.  I would fight global warming in the summer.  I would encourage global warming in the winter.  Spring and Autumn will be planned as needed.

4)War on Terror – We already won.

5)Jobs – I would create a lot of low paying jobs so employers can hire more people and we would have fewer people unemployed.

Is shown above, I would be the better candidate for president than John McCain.