Who Obama Should Have Picked to Head the CIA

Many people thought it should be me, but I am not very good at being a spy.  I couldn’t get the hotties like James Bond.  I would have recommended Darren Rodriguez.

You might be wondering who Darren Rodriguez is.  He runs a private detective agency somewhere in Virginia.  He was the guy that caught me at the nudie bar when I was seeing my daughter Patricia’s mother.  He also caught me in the Food Lion in the produce section.  And in the Fairfax library in the children’s section with the library intern.  I did not know any of this until Patricia’s mother took me to the cleaners in court.

Darren Rodriguez is not only stealth, but once he knows where you are, he is zoned in on you like a tick on a dog.  This is the type of person we need heading the CIA.

I just don’t see these qualities in Leon Panetta.  I can see Panetta making the spies wear name tags so he knows who the spies are.  I can see him walking up to a spy dining with the enemy as part of a mission and saying, “Make sure you keep an eye on him at all times!” aloud so the enemy hears it.

I wish President-elect Obama  would have picked Darren Rodriguez.  This would get Rodriguez off my back be a great addition to Obama’s staff.

An Open Letter to Governor Patterson

Dear Governor Patterson,

My name is Ahmnodt Heare and I am interested in filling the senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton.  I don’t want you to go through the same trauma that Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is going through.  That is why I will not offer you any money or any favors for the seat.

I thank you for considering me for filling the vacancy.

Sincerely,
Ahmnodt Heare

Chicago, D.C.

The following is an editorial written by Independent write-in candidate for President Ahmnodt Heare.

Senator Barack Obama promised change.  He promised change in how things were going to be done in Washington.  It appears there will be change in Washington after all.  He is in the process of turning Washington into another Chicago.

Chief-of-Staff designee Rham Emanuel ratted out Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.  He did not do it because it was the right thing to do.  He did it because there was no promise that Obama would get his “cut.”

I know this is a strong allegation and I cannot prove this is what happened, but I can paint a picture without using lead paint.  Chicago has had a history of corruption that dates back to Prohibition.  Buying a politician in Illinois is as easy as waking up.  I think they might even teach classes on how to do it.

I was glad to hear Barack Obama call for Blagojevich’s resigination.  Many politicians call for corrupt politicians to resign until they become the corrupt politician.  Senator Ted Stevens did not resign.  He just missed being reelected in spite of the turmoil he put himself in by getting free renovations done on his home.

The economy is in recession.  People don’t have the money to buy off politicians.  The sooner they realize this in Chicago and Washington, the sooner we can spend money on reviving the economy and restore brothels so women won’t have to go to bed hungry.

We don’t need to change Washington into another Chicago.  Michael Jordan tried it when he played for the Washington Wizards.  Washington didn’t become Chicago then, and it won’t become Chicago now.

Almost a Senator

I almost became a U.S. Senator representing Illinois.  I did not have the money to pay Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich for the job.  I thought that $100 would have been enough, but it wasn’t.  He wanted more money, and I was going to take out a loan to buy the position, but the federal authorities stepped in and ruined my chance to be a Senator.

I do not know why the authorities fear me so much.  Whether it is the federal or local authorities, people seem to go out of their way to make sure I don’t hold office.  I doubt they are Canadian, since they work for our government.  The only logical explanation is that the Cinemafia has infiltrated our government and is willing to do the same thing to our country as they have done to their industry.

Things like this happen when I am not elected President.  I hope you have learned your lesson.

Clearing the Latest Rumor

That is not me driving Britney Spears.  I do not know why she is holding a sign with my name.  If she is a supporter, then I welcome her with open arms.

Relapse

I was calmly enjoying a bowl of Chicken Alphabet Soup when I went through major withdrawal symptons.  I looked down at the bowl and saw the word “phonics” spelled out.  I immediately went into relapse.  I thought that almost five months after quitting cold turkey, I would have been cured.  This is something I will have to fight for the rest of my life.

WANTED: Running Mate

I am hoping that having a running mate will help me in the 2012 election.  I will need you to write a 500-word essay on how Global Warming will Kill the World.  Instead of placing your name on the paper, place my name on the paper and place your name in a seperate e-mail.  (You can place your name in the letter if you want, but the paper must NOT have your name anywhere in it.)

The contest will run until further notice.  Good luck to all contestants!

Please send inquiries to ahmnodtheareatpoliticiandotcom.