Do Not Forget!

Today is Election Day.  It is important that you vote.  New Jersey and Virginia will vote for a governor.  New York City will vote for a mayor.  Upstate New York will vote for an interim congressperson.

You should vote today even if the most important office up for grabs in your community is “dog catcher.”  Local elections are important because these are the people who write the pesky little laws that makes living in your town a sucky experience.

After you perform your patriotic duty by voting, you can experience what it is like to be a politician treating his or her constituents by attending an “Orgies for Abstinence” event taking place throughout the country.  If you can’t find one, then feel free to host one among friends.  Remember that Orgies for Abstinence is like War for Peace – only more fun!

Now get out and vote!

Returning a Favor

There had to be a first.  There’s a first love, first dance, first spouse, and first divorce proceeding.  For me, there was a first endorsement and I will always be thankful.  The first person to endorse was none other than former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

As a token of my appreciation for his endorsements throughout my 2008 campaign, I am officially endorsing Tom DeLay in the next “Dancing with the Stars” series.  I will be posting the phone numbers and/or text numbers where people can cast their votes for Tom DeLay.

Please join me in electing Tom DeLay as America’s Top Dancer.

Bloggers’ Choice Award Nominee

I would like to thank the Academy for the nominations for “Best Political Blog” and “Best Humor Blog” of 2009.  While I do not understand how the inane thoughts of a fringe presidential candidate counts as “humor”, I appreciate the nomination nonetheless.

Please feel free to vote for me in both categories.  If you do not wish to vote for me today for best blog, then vote for me for President on November 6, 2012.

Leader of the Free World

This post is intended for the non-American supporters of the campaign.

I have stated in the past that if the American president is considered the “Leader of the ‘Free World’,” then everybody in the free world should be allowed to vote for president.  I was asked what about my supporters in countries that aren’t free:

If you live in such a country, feel free to overthrow your country.  I am unable to come to your country and help in the overthrow, but I wish you all the luck in the world.  I even have a lucky penny that I will part with if you feel it will help your cause.

Once you overthrow your country, you need to write the United States State Department and demand that you be allowed to vote for the leader of the free world.  America is not the only free country.

And the address to mail the letter and the ballot:

Secretary of State Condolezza Rice (Hillary Clinton after 20  January, 2009)

U.S. Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520, U.S.A

So Far, Not So Good

I was hoping my campaigning in Dixville Notch would have paid off, but it seems that it hasn’t.  Dixville Notch is the first community in the country to vote and often announce their results around 12:05 AM.

I am also hearing complaints from the deceased in this election.  Many are saying that they are not allowed to vote while others found that somebody had voted for Barack Obama on thier behalf.

Election Integrity

It seems that every time I turn on the news, there is some kind of voter hijinx caused by either the Democratic or Republican parties.  Whether it involves peculiarities in registration or it involves purging legitimate voters from the voter lists, both Democrats and Republicans are involved in the shenanigans.

If they think that the office of the President of the United States is a public service position (as I do), then there is no need to cheat.  Nobody ever cheated to be dog catcher or meter maid.  I believe in serving the public.  I don’t have to raise millions of dollars to explain this.

If Senators McCain and Obama are as honorable as they claim to be, then their campaigning and their parties should quit cheating and telling half-truths on the campaign trail.  The truth is that they are both afraid of my campaign and want me to go away.

A vote for Ahmnodt Heare sends many messages:

1. You don’t want the cheating and the less than ethical campaigns both candidates are running.
2. You don’t just want change, you want change for the better.  You want a president whose mother will not allow him to run for office like a snake-oil salesman.
3. You want a candidate whose campaign is more than saying the other candidate is bad.  You want someone who runs on his or her record.
4. You do not want a candidate who will raise spending by 5% instead of 10% bragging that he or she “cut spending”.  Leave the satire to us professionals.

If you want to be lied to, misrespected, or your intelligence insulted, then feel free to vote for either Senator Obama or Senator McCain.  If you want change for the better and to be respected, then tell your fellow Americans “Ahmnodt Heare” on Election Day.

Join WALNUT!

There are many groups whose function is to help the poor with things like food, shelter, and voting.  I volunteer for a group called WALNUT (We Americans Lending Naturally Underused Talents).  WALNUT helps people with limited potential reach their potential.

WALNUT helps people with their shopping budget.  We show them the cost-saving measures of Ramen Noodles, coupons, and using other people’s money.  WALNUT helps the homeless’s shelter needs by showing them what to look for in a cardboard box.  WALNUT helps taking the pressure of voting off of people by filling out an absentee ballot on their behalf.  The only thing they have to do is sign the ballot.

I strongly urge you join a WALNUT near you.  If you can’t find a WALNUT near you, you can start your own chapter.