Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Look at my Platform – War

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on war.

War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.

To the best of most people’s knowledge, Iraq had nothing to do with September 11.  They also had nothing to do with the Oklahoma City bombing, the Centennial Park bombing, or the production of “Hello Larry.”  While it can’t be proven Canada was involved in any of the forementioned actions, Canada has attacked the United States in unconventional methods.  They have tainted American entertainment.

How has Canada wrecked our entertainment?  They wrecked it by allowing their spies to infiltrate the United States and poise as “entertainers.”  William Shattner, Celiene Dion, and Anne Murray are just a few spies posing as “entertainers.”   Not all Canadian entertainers are spies, though.  Chris Farley could act.  Shania Twain can sing.  Brian Mulrooney is one hell of a comedian.

We have already tried sanctions.  We have been boycotting hockey since the 2005-2006 season.  We have flooded the Caniadian airwaves with Britney Spears and the Jonas Brothers.  None of these actions have worked.  War is the only option left.

I am not a typical “rah-rah” war guy.  I have set some rules for a war with Canada to make sure nobody gets hurt.

  • Wars shall only be fought between 9:00AM and 5:00PM Mondays through Fridays.  This will allow our troops to come home for dinner every night and weekends.  It is important to keep morale high.  There will be no fighting on holidays (American or Canadian)
  • No bombing of hockey rinks, Tim Horton’s, or curling ponds.  We don’t hate Canadians, just the Canadian government, and specifically, those agencies responsible.
  • To show that the Canadians are willing to play fair, they have promised no arctic cold fronts during the summer.

It will take a lot of work to get American entertainment back to a level of excellence.  But we will prevail and we will be entertained again.

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May 20, 2009 - Posted by | campaign, Canada, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, Iraq, Platform, satire | , , , , ,

6 Comments

  1. […] did not think I had a chance to win a Nobel Peace Prize based on my position with Canada.  My war would have been smaller than the wars we are in now.  Feel free to nominate me for the […]

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  2. […] hockey, Olympics, Ottawa Senators, Ryan Kesler, snowstorm, Stanley Cup, Tim Horton's, Vancouver War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing WilliamSh… Here is the summary from that […]

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  3. […] – Hamilton, ON (Where better to discuss my foreign policy than in a foreign country?  With some negotiations, the United States can divert going to was […]

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  4. […] – Hamilton, ON (Where better to discuss my foreign policy than in a foreign country?  With some negotiations, the United States can divert going to was […]

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  5. […] – The Cinemafia and Spam.  The Cinemafia irks me because they (as well as the Canadian Government) have watered down the quality of American entertainment while charging more money for the tainted […]

    Pingback by The Cinemafia vs. Spam « Ahmnodt Heare for President | September 10, 2010

  6. […] I am still young enough to be drafted,  While I believe the United States should defend itself against all enemies (foreign and domestic), I also believe that a citizen should have the right to decide if the war his or her country is fighting is worth dying for.  I have taken the life of the soldier very seriously in my policy on warfare. […]

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