Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A look at my Platform – Gay Marriage

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on gay marriage.

I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.

It is important to note that the quote above is a hypothesis.  I have no way of telling how much sex married people have since I quit peeping on my neighbors in 2003.  But what I noticed from my studies is that the frequency and the quality of sex my neighbors had diminished significantly within 3 months after being married.

Gay people are not that much different than straight people.  The difference is that with gay people, boys like boys and girls like girls.  But I am pretty sure that if gays were to marry, that the same thing would happen to them with sex.  It’s like Chocolate Pop-Tarts.  The first time you had one, the only thing you can think about is having another Chocolate Pop-Tart.  But after having Chocolate Pop-Tarts day in and day out, you want something different.

Gays should be allowed to marry.  They should be relieved to know that I have no interest in watching.

May 21, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

A look at my Platform – Capital Punishment

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on capital punishment.

I do not have a position on capital punishment. Oh well.

Some states have it and some states do not.  People are murdered in all 50 states, so it doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  Knowing you can sit in a cell for 60 or 70 years does not seem to deter murders either.  My plan is simple.  The states that want capital punishment can have it.  The states that do not want capital punishment do not have to have it.  I should note that lately, many of the mass murderers have taken it on their own to kill themselves and save Americans millions in court and imprisonment costs.  While I do not condone mass murders, I strongly encourage mass murderers become good Americans and take their own lives and save our country the millions we so desperately need.

May 21, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, Platform | , , , | 2 Comments

   

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