Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A look at my Platform – Gay Marriage

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on gay marriage.

I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.

It is important to note that the quote above is a hypothesis.  I have no way of telling how much sex married people have since I quit peeping on my neighbors in 2003.  But what I noticed from my studies is that the frequency and the quality of sex my neighbors had diminished significantly within 3 months after being married.

Gay people are not that much different than straight people.  The difference is that with gay people, boys like boys and girls like girls.  But I am pretty sure that if gays were to marry, that the same thing would happen to them with sex.  It’s like Chocolate Pop-Tarts.  The first time you had one, the only thing you can think about is having another Chocolate Pop-Tart.  But after having Chocolate Pop-Tarts day in and day out, you want something different.

Gays should be allowed to marry.  They should be relieved to know that I have no interest in watching.


May 21, 2009 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , ,


  1. But what about the sanctity of marriage – how will the straights justify the 50+% divorce rate if they can’t point to the gays as unbiblical???

    Comment by David | May 21, 2009

  2. Here’s how I see it: Today we ban gays from marrying. Tomorrow we ban adulterers from marrying (God hates them too). And if God hates sin, He doesn’t want any of us to marry.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 21, 2009

  3. This is something you wouldn’t bring the biblical sense in. Because realistically, the bible is meant to teach how much God loves and has mercy. There is no grounds to dispute. Independence is Independently thinking and making choices for yourself.

    Comment by hanilol | April 18, 2010

  4. […] (DADT)  It turns out I haven’t mentioned it before.  Although I have written about my support of gay marriage in the past, I cannot support DADT.  My reason is different than the Republicans being against it. […]

    Pingback by My Opinion on “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” « Ahmnodt Heare for President | December 18, 2010

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