Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Look at my Platform – Privacy

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on privacy.

I would immediately cease all wiretapping operations. Video surveillance cameras would only be permitted on the hottest women.

I once had the opportunity to listen in to a phone conversation when I was an intern at a private detective agency.  Below is a transcript of the conversation.  (NOTE:  Some facts are censored to protect the innocent.  Also note that Bob and Belinda’s name were changed to Jack and Jill to protect their identities.)

Jack:  Hi Honey, I’m at the Food Lion.  Do we need anything?

Jill:  We’ll need a couple boxes of macaroni and ******.

Jack:  Macaroni and ******.  Anything else?

Jill:  We’ll also need a gallon of 2% ****.  That should be all.

Jack;  Got it.  I’ll be home soon.  I **** you.

Jill:  I **** you too.

Now imagine listening to boring crap like that for a living.  I quit interning soon after that because I never got to listen to hot lesbian phone sex and surveillance has nothing to do with a Marketing degree.

If you think that is bad, imagine watching videos of fat guys walking topless on a boardwalk.  Now imagine him scratching his crotch.  This is torture for anybody who has to watch these types of videos.  This is why video surveillance should be only on the hottest women.  Leave the ugly people alone and let’s not see them any more than we have to.

May 25, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, issues | , , , | 3 Comments

A Look at my Platform – Poverty

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and 
further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on poverty.

"War on Poverty" can be solved by giving poor people $30/month and sending them to Africa once a month for food shopping. A family of four in Africa can eat for $.70/day. They would still have $8.30 for beer.

I am seriously considering doing my food shopping in Africa.  It can cost over $100/week for food shopping for a family of one.  This is $400/month.  It would be cheaper to fly poor people to Africa once a month to do their food shopping.  It would be even cheaper to fly one person to Africa to buy up all the food there and fly it back home and sell it at cost.  The $8.30 left over wouldn’t necessarily have to go towards beer.  It could go towards a pack of cigarettes (except in New York City, where cigarettes are almost $10.00 per pack.)

While many supermarkets would go out of business under my plan, my plan would allow Americans to eat and have more money left over for entertainment.  It’s not like the CineMafia is going away.

May 25, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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