Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Look at my Platform – Senior Citizens

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on senior citizens.

Seniors should be allowed to eat healthier than Social Security allows. My plan for them would allow them to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices.

*I have been following the trials and tribulations of one Donald Mills.  He thinks that many of the social ills are the fault of “young people.”  I don’t think that young people are the cause of today’s problems, but I can see where Mr. Mills is bothered with young people.   As a young man (compared to Mr. Mills), I am offering a set of programs aimed at helping senior citizens.

  • Premium dog food at generic dog food prices:  This will allow seniors to get high quality food without busting their budgets.  As the economy gets worse, many seniors will look to dog food as a form of nourishment.
  • My plan will give every senior citizen a food processor as part of my health care plan:  Apples are an important part of staying healthy, but many old people wear dentures.  The food processor will allow them to make apple sauce and apple juice, neither of which require teeth.
  • “All-in-One” Senior Citizens Centers:  This plan will allow seniors to get denture cream and incontinence products  at the same place they play Bingo.  Doctors’ offices and a pharmacy will also be here as well as a place to buy milk, eggs, bread, and dog food.  Time will be saved traveling and it will give seniors more time to nap.
  • Laundry:  Seniors will be able to get lemon scented laundry detergent for the same price as unscented detergent.  This will get the “old people” smell out of their clothes and help foster relationships with the visually impaired.

As much as I want to help the seniors with these programs, none of them will get enacted unless I am elected president.  This is where I need your help.  If you are having problems with your memory, send me an e-mail and I will remind you to vote for me when it is time to vote.  Thank you for your consideration.

* – Originally appeared on May 16, 2009.  I reposted this entry because I wanted to keep all of the platform entries together.


May 29, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, economy, editorial, Platform, satire, senior citizens | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments


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