Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Food Shopping Agony

It is a good thing I did not have Patricia this weekend.  She would have seen a side of her father that I do not like showing.  Unfortunately, I tend to show this side often when I go food shopping.

I don’t know if it’s something in the music the supermarkets play over their loud speakers or if there is something in the air, but the moment people walk through those automated doors and into the store, they become retarded.  Sometimes this includes the staff.

I don’t understand where people think they can get off with walking with a shopping cart down the middle of the aisle.  Then there’s the person who cuts in front of your cart, stops, grabs a box of Pop-Tarts, walks, realizes he grabbed the wrong box, stops, and exchanges the Pop-Tarts.

Then there are those annoying store displays in the aisles.  Supermarkets sell enough stuff and have enough space to sell their stuff that they don’t have to set up displays in aisles.

If I am elected President, I will push for legislation making sure nobody goes through this type of shopping experience again.  I will mandate that shoppers get a cart-pushing license before using one in a store.  This includes safe operating procedures and learning the rules of the aisle.  There will also be a simple math quiz to make sure shoppers with 27 items are not in the “Ten Items or Less” register.

These simple steps will ensure a pleasant shopping experience for everybody.  A little common courtesy can go a long way, but only in unobstructed aisles.


August 22, 2009 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, satire | , , , ,


  1. Your market has music????

    I fully expect that if and when I vote for you it will be because you have supported a death penalty for violating the 10 item lane.

    Well, having said that, I must acknowledge that’s just silly – of course I’m going to vote for you.

    Comment by David | August 22, 2009

  2. Wait just a minute…”A little common currency”

    Are you pushing the Euro here?

    Comment by David | August 22, 2009

  3. *courtesy

    Thanks, David.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | August 22, 2009

  4. Can we impose martial law in the 20 items or less lane?

    And I would also like there to be some type of shoppers penalty for allowing children to block up the aisles when other shoppers are trying to get through.

    Comment by Claire Collins | August 22, 2009

  5. P\three or more people congregating in the middle of an aisle “to chat” really gets to me.

    Comment by Gryphon | August 22, 2009

  6. Claire, I would limit martial law to extreme curcumstances like Black Friday at Filene’s Basement.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | August 24, 2009

  7. Based on this post alone, I would absolutely vote for you. I’d also like to suggest that there be limits on the number of shoppers allowed in a store at a given time – say one per aisle. And cell phones must be checked at the door. Please. Cell phones cause more aisle blockages and accidents than runaway children.

    Comment by Pamela Villars | September 5, 2009

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