An Open Letter to Brandon Marshall

NOTE: I am not a Denver Broncos fan, but while I am vacationing in Saguache County, CO, I figured writing a letter to Brandon Marshall is the least I can do considering that the fine people here went out of their way and wrote my name on their ballots when they could have voted for Barack Obama, John McCain, or Terrell Davis.

September 1, 2009

Dear Brandon Marshall or Current Resident,

It is my understanding that you are demanding a trade because you are unhappy playing for the Denver Broncos. While I do not know why you are not happy and your reasons can very well be valid, I would suggest you try your hardest to work through the situation.

I watched the game between the Broncos and the Chicago Bears on Sunday night. The second half featured players who will mostly become house painters and carpenters next month. They may understand the team concept, but they don’t have enough talent to be an NFL star. You have the talent, but unless you understand teamwork, you will end up being a house painter or a carpenter. You need talent and teamworkship (is that a word?) to make it in the NFL.

Ben Roethlisberger is a great quarterback, but he needed teammates and his teammates needed him in order to win the Super Bowl. Nobody can win by himself. This is why every one of the Detroit Lions’ opponents suited up the entire team to play against them.

If you play hard and practice hard as well as being a good teammate, you will get a well-deserved contract as a free agent when your contract expires. However, if you keep acting the way you are acting, you’ll soon be working in a different line of work making significantly less money. These are the facts of life (only without Tootie.)

I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Ahmnodt Heare
Independent Candidate for President

P.S. I would be honored to have your endorsement for President.

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