An Apology to Canadians

My foreign policy is probably the most controversial part of my platform.  I know that many Canadians find me to be unpopular because of my insistence that I would have pulled the U.S. troops out of the Middle East and into Canada.  I have no qualms with the Canadian people, it is with the Canadian government.

Despite my foreign policy towards Canada, I would not have done something as inhumane as what the United States government has done to Canada – send President Barack Obama to your country for the G-20 S.  As an American, I feel the pain Canadians are going through.  I feel a special sorrow for Toronto Blue Jays fans.  They were deprived of three home games against the Philadelphia Phillies this weekend.  Those games will now be played in Philadelphia instead of Toronto.  I am not angered by this because this benefits a division rival.  I take that back, it bothers me greatly that the Phillies are getting three extra home games.

Once I am elected President, I will make sure that Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Lady Gaga never infiltrate your country.  All I ask is that Canada takes back William Shatner, Celine Dion, and Justin Bieber so America can once again have untainted entertainment.

On behalf of America throughout the United States and the military bases in the 150 countries we are occupying, please accept my apology.  We will take Barack Obama back by Sunday.