How to Spot a Spy
Spies are taught the little nuances in blending in a local community. They are taught the idiosyncratic actions unique to a local or regional culture. Spy school is not perfect. There are minute details that even they overlook. Below are some things to look for among your neighbors:
School Bus Drivers: – If your school bus driver looks too much like a natural using a stick-shift, then he or she is probably a spy. Americans know that the expression “Nothing is too good for my child.” This is why school bus drivers are paid $8.00/hour and not minimum wage.
Church Parishioners: When the church pastor says to close your eyes and bow in prayer, there is always someone who won’t close his or her eyes. I see this all the time when I go to church. These “opened-eyers” can be scouting the church or the parishioners information they can give to their headquarters.
Homeless People: If they are speaking to themselves words you can comprehend but in cryptic sentences, he or she is most likely a spy speaking in a stealth device like a shoe or a sleeve.
Strippers: Many strippers twirl around a pole clockwise. There are some who twirl counterclockwise and have a faint accent. Beware of these people. Do not give any information about anything. If they don’t tell HQ, they’ll tell your spouse that you are at a strip club.
Names: If a person’s name sounds more like a brand name, a double entendre , or a marketing slogan than a person’s name, then chances are that person is a spy. I think New York Mets’ first base coach Razor Shines is a spy.
Keeping a casual but detailed look at your neighbors will help you find the spies crawling around your neighborhood. If you find one, notify the FBI, your local authorities, and Fox News as soon as possible. Together we can weed out many of the spies currently infiltrated in the United States.
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About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Gee, I never thought about the bus driver thing….that makes total sense to me. Americans don’t drive vehicles with stick shifts, or at least not by choice…..unless they have a Lamborghini. But other than that….we avoid manual cars like a plague.
I notice my neighbours watching me and shaking their fists at me as I drive by. Maybe they think I’m a spy.
You do spell “neighbours” like a spy. We don’t use the “u” in the United States.
Actually, I love driving a stick shift. For one thing, it feels like it gives me more control. For another, it feels like I am getting a little exercise. Do you know how hard it is to find a manual drive car these days? Oh, hmmm. I also talk to myself and I speak a ‘foreign’ language. Oh Aaarrgh, I bet the FBI is going to be hearing my name from my neighbors!
LOL, hilarious post Ahmnodt. 🙂
Intlxpatr, do you drive a school bus? The clutch on a school bus has a different feel than standard cars built in the United States.
I am from the United States. I just spell weird.