Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Keep it Safe

Today is the 234th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.  Though I doubt our founding fathers had intended it, Independence Day has become a day of sun worship, barbecues, fireworks, and alcohol.  Here are a few steps you can do to make sure your Fourth of July is a happy and safe holiday:

  • Sun Worship – Wear sunscreen, especially during the day.  Limit your time in the sun as too much exposure can lead to sunburn and the ever-disgusting peeling process.
  • Barbecues – Do not put the grill near the house or in the house.  Do not store firecrackers, M-80s, Roman Candles, or Dynamite near the grill.  The grill should be supervised by an adult at all times, especially while in use.
  • Fireworks – Do not hold fireworks in your hand while igniting them.  Do not light near other people, cars, houses, animals, or nuclear power plants.  Fireworks should be used only by professionals, but if you can’t follow this simple rule, then at least make sure you are an adult and sober enough to handle fireworks without blowing up extremities.
  • Alcohol – I cannot emphasize this enough.  If you must drink, do not get behind the wheel of a car or in front of a camera.  Failure to follow these instructions can prove to be costly.

I encourage you to have fun this Independence Day.  Just don’t be stupid while having fun.

July 4, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 5 Comments

My “Al Michaels Moment”

“Do you believe in miracles?…  YES!!” – Al Michaels

I didn’t get to watch the 1980 Olympic hockey game between the United States and the former Soviet Union.  I was in the first grade and had a strict bedtime of 8:00PM.  I had this bedtime until I graduated from high school, when my bedtime was moved up to 9:00. But I remember hearing my father tell me that we beat the Soviet Union the following morning.  I finally heard Al Michael’s quote just before the gold medal game between the United States and Finland, I got excited, as if I actually saw the entire game.

It would have been cool to watch that game.  The next best game would be to to find a game that Al Michael’s quote could be applied.  The game was between the Nationals and the New York Mets.  It shouldn’t have reached miracle status because rookie phenom  Stephen Strasburg was pitching against a 35-year knuckleballer R.A. Dickey.  One is a dominant pitcher with a 100 mile-per-hour fastball while the other throws a knuckleball in two speeds: slow and not-so-slow.

Strasburg didn’t have his best stuff today.  He allowed 2 runs on four hits along with three walks.  He would last only five innings and leave with the Nationals losing 2-0.  While Strasburg struggled, Dickey and his knuckleball breezed throw the first five innings and allowed only two singles.

The tide starting to turn a bit in favor of the Nationals.  The Nats’ bullpen held the Mets in check and the batters started getting to Dickey in the sixth inning, tying the game at 2.  The eighth inning was a nightmare.  Tyler Clippard pitched 2/3 of an inning.  In that short span, he allowed three runs on four hits.  Doug Slaten stopped the bleeding, but the damage was done.  The Mets lead 5-2.

The Nationals managed to manufacture a run in the bottom of the eighth and Matt Capps retired the Mets in order in the top of the ninth, making the score 5-3.  Then the miracle happened.  The Nats was facing the Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez.  The bases were quickly loaded when Adam Dunn tied the game with a double to deep center field that hit the tippy top of the fence.  Josh Willingham was walked intentionally to reload the bases for Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez.  Pudge blooped a single to right and the Nationals scored the winning run and won 6-5.

Why was this a miracle?  Because even with this win, the Nationals are in last place 12 1/2 games behind the Braves.  This is the first time inthe last 40 games the Nationals trailed after the eighth inning that they won.  My father was at the game and the Nationals never seem to win when my father goes to games.

“Do you believe in miracles?…  YES!!” – Ahmnodt Heare (via Al Michaels)

July 4, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

   

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