Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Losing Weight in Vain

I have been obese most of my life.  My first television appearance was on the news when they showed me walking down 37th Street in New York City.  (I think it was me, as they only showed me from the chest-down).

Last October I weighed 235 lbs.  According to my doctor, I was 85 pounds overweight.  I started to diet.  Below is a picture of me giving a speech last November at the Meeting of Independent Presidential Candidates cruise. I weighed 230 lbs then.

November 2009 - 230 lbs.

Dieting only worked for a little while.  I had spent between November and June between 225 and 230 lbs.  Too many of my campaign stops included food.  I quit dieting in June and joined a gym.  Working out has been more successful.  I stepped on the scale this morning weighing 199 lbs.  I have lost 36 lbs. since last October and 30 lbs since I first joined the gym.

Weight Today - 199 lbs.

I was all set to celebrate by going to the local “All-You-Can-Eat” buffet when I read a study that read that thin men make less money.  The same study showed that thin women make more money.  Women are being shafted because they are not being paid by the pound like men are.

Here is my dilemma:  If I want to make money, should I stop working out and put the weight I lost back on or do I continue to lose weight and get a sex-change operation?  Or do I continue to lose weight as a man and make less money?


October 8, 2010 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , ,


  1. Stay a man and make less money. Maybe if you get really good at predicting NFL games you will become rich.

    Comment by Mel Ancholy | October 8, 2010

  2. I was thinking of predicting games after they are played. My record is almost 100% when I make my predictions when the games are over.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | October 8, 2010

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  4. I vote for becoming a woman. Old women get the shaft no matter how thin they are. So when you’re old just turn back into a man and then retire. (I think I should start my own advice column. I rock.)

    Comment by Tricia | October 8, 2010

  5. Tricia, I’m not sure body parts are interchangeable like that. The surgeon I talked to said that once they hack, it can’t grow back.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | October 8, 2010

  6. I vote, stay a man and make less money. I want a president with some substance.

    Comment by yellowcat | October 8, 2010

  7. Yellowcat, I am leaning towards that. Any other way will require either immediate medical costs or in the future. The money I would lose today would be less than the money I would lose tomorrow.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | October 8, 2010

  8. Put it back on.

    Trust me, a guy with a thin wallet is a total turn-off.

    Comment by Bschooled | October 12, 2010

  9. I am feeding my wallet. Hopefully it will soon be obese from a smörgåsbord of $20 bills.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | October 12, 2010

  10. What gym should a personal trainer work for?

    Comment by px90 diet | May 15, 2011

    • I haven’t used a personal trainer in my weight loss. As a personal rule, if I was a trainer I would work for a small gym that had similar values to my own.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 15, 2011

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