Wanted: Precinct Managers
Not everybody has the Internet. Many people with Internet only go online to check their e-mail and download things like music, games, porn, and movies. Others are on Facebook and Myspace, but aren’t looking for a presidential candidate or don’t like to discuss politics.
Two of the most common ways people vote for somebody are if the voter meets the candidate in person or by a glowing endorsement from somebody involved in the campaign. Many campaigns do door-to-door to people’s houses. I may do that in the future, but the plan for now is to canvass in the following areas:
- Bars – you can talk about just about anything with a drunk. Just don’t agitate the person while he or she is in a drunken stupor.
- Church (or other place of worship) fellowship – My candidacy and platform are good ice-breaker for things like pot-luck dinners, family nights, and wife-swaps (the more liberal churches may engage in this). Discussion of the campaign is strongly discouraged during worship service or Bible studies. It wouldn’t hurt to ask for prayer for my campaign if prayer requests are taken.
- IRS audits – Being an IRS agent is a very difficult and unpopular job. While my becoming President might not make them more popular, it could make their job easier.
- Nudie bars – Strippers tend to be open minded and are receptive to alternative ways of doing things (including voting for alternative politicians).
- Nursing homes – the elderly enjoy the company of others. They appreciate candidates who have a plan to help save them money.
The job of Precinct Manager is simple: To tell others about the campaign and to organize supporters to make sure everybody is on the same page. As the campaign grows, if you feel like your precinct is getting too large, you can split the precinct and appoint someone the Manager of that new precinct. You can make your job more exciting by betting other precincts over who can get the most supporters. For a further discussion of what a Precinct Manager details, check out my show a week from tomorrow on Blogtalk Radio. Don’t forget to listen to tomorrow’s show as I talk to Mexican independent candidate for President of Mexico Noes Toiaqui.
November 8, 2010 -
Posted by Ahmnodt Heare |
Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, commentary, humor, politics, satire | bars, door-to-door, getting the word out, IRS, nursing homes, pot luck dinner, seniors, strippers
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Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Wonderful! You slay me.
I hereby pledge to disseminate the word to all strip clubs, bars, and gatherings while remembering your suggestions. Don’t do church due to that whole atheism thing I have going on.
I could sneak in though.
Yours in Reno,NV
~Rachael
Does the job of Precinct Manager come with a big 401k and perhaps a golden parachute? Plus vacay time?
Rachael, don’t worry about the church thingie. The beauty of my campaign is the diversity from all walks of life. The people who want to campaign at church functions do not want to campaign af strip clubs at bars (especially since many of those places now have surveillance cameras.)
Vodka and Ground Beef, while there is no 401k (or pay, for that matter), there is the benefit of having “Precinct Manager” on your resume. It makes prospective employers believe you have led in something official enough to have precincts.
I got bars and nudie bars covered, Ahmnodt.
I might as well mix business with…well, my business.
I have the bars and nudie clubs covered in Wyoming. Rest assured, I will have all the drunks and strippers voting for you in no time.
Bschooled and Yellowcat, thank you both for your continued support. I will cover the churches until I can find volunteers willing to cover churches. Dangnabbit.