Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.


Every once in a while I volunteer in my community (or in somebody else’s community.)  Today was one of those days.  My first choice was volunteering as a dressing room attendant at the local nudie bar.  I was told that the ladies don’t need any help, even if I was offering my services without expecting compensation.  I was also told not to bring my camcorder any more.

I spend the day volunteering at a soup kitchen.  Not only did they serve soup (today’s soup was New England Clam Chowder), they also served Curry over rice and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  There was birthday cake for dessert even though it wasn’t anybody’s birthday today.  (The volunteer coordinator said that today wasn’t anybody’s birthday, but I think people were born on November 29.)

I started my day peeling carrots, dicing onions, and deshelling peanut M&Ms.  Despite my culinary skills, I was needed more in the dining area.  Tables needed to be cleared from breakfast and it needed to be done quickly as lunch was to be served in less than an hour.  Tables needed to be wiped down, seats needed to be cleaned off, the floor needed to be swept and mopped, and carcases needed to be removed.

The dining area seats 65 people.  The only problem is that the soup kitchen averages 120 people per meal.  I needed to pre-bus tables and clean tables as soon as the first wave of people left so the second wave of people had a clean table to eat.  Cleaning continued after lunch as the people left.

I stayed until 2:00.  I would have stayed later, but I was getting hungry and wanted to get a bite to eat.  It just seemed wrong to ask to eat the soup kitchen food when there are so  many people whose only meals come from the soup kitchen.  I went to a diner and and ordered an artery-hardening cheese-steak sandwich and some fries saturated in saturated fat.

November 29, 2010 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , ,


  1. You’re like a witty yet community-minded onion, Ahmnodt. So many layers.

    Update-I just checked, and apparently there is no such thing as a witty yet community-minded onion.

    (As soon as I come up with a more viable comparison, I’ll get back to you.)

    Comment by bschooled | November 29, 2010

  2. Bschooled, funny you should say that. The volunteer coordinator said I was a community-minded yet witty onion and she took that back when she discovered there was no such thing as a community-minded yet witty onion.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | November 29, 2010

  3. As long as you weren’t ate the diner in the same neighborhood, sitting at the picture window looking out mockingly at those you just served Curried PB&J’s to.

    Comment by Bearman | November 29, 2010

  4. Bearman, I would never make a faux-pas like eating in the same neighborhood as a soup kitchen. I should have made it clearer that the peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches and the curry were exclusive from each other. I should also mention that the peanut butter did not come from the deshelled peanut M&Ms.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | November 29, 2010

  5. Volunteering is good for the soul…or so they tell me.

    Comment by yellowcat | December 3, 2010

  6. Yellowcat, I think it is. And because I can do the good deed of the day, I can be a prick for the rest of the day.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | December 3, 2010

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

%d bloggers like this: