Some guy named Charles Dudley Warner once said, “Politics makes strange bedfellows.” I knew he was correct, but I didn’t understand the extent in which he was correct until now. Today I saw this in “search engine terms”:
“best write in candidate for anarchists”
Anarchists do not believe in the concept of governance. And because they don’t believe in governance, they tend not to vote. Anarchy would be the next best thing for me to my being president. Here are the portions of my platform I believe anarchists would like:
- Life begins at 40. This is the basis of my abortion platform.
- War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shatner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country. (at least the first part)
- I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.
- My “Just say, ‘OK, but Just This Once’.” drug policy satisfies the curiosity people often have with drugs, yet offers an out before they get addicted.
- I would immediately cease all wiretapping operations. Video surveillance cameras would only be permitted on the hottest women. (They agree with the first part. Some male anarchists and some female lesbian anarchists might like the second part.)
- Women have the fundamental right to use the utensils of their choice when cooking my dinner. Nobody shall infringe on a woman’s right to use the vacuum cleaner of her choice when cleaning my house.
- I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. Lord knows they’re not an endangered species. (Anarchists might be smarter than I am as they would repeal more laws than I would.)
- I would abolish gun laws. I would also ban bullets. (They agree with the first part but strongly disagree with the second part.)
There are some other things I think anarchists like about my campaign:
- My fight with the Cinemafia – largely because the Cinemafia has a lot of its power because the government is protecting them. President Obama has done NOTHING to weaken the Cinemafia’s perverse ways.
- “Orgies for Abstinence” and “Affordable Entertainment Awareness” – because change should be a society thingie and not a government mandate.
While neither an anarchist or I would consider me to be an anarchist, there are things we agree on when it comes to government. I welcome their support, even if it’s against their principle of no government.
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