Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Roughed up in Philly

I have just returned from an impromptu and ill-advised campaign stop in Philadelphia.  I had spent the morning in Trenton, New Jersey meeting a client.  What was to be an all-day meeting was cut abruptly when my client received word that his sea monkey had passed away.  I can relate.  Losing a pet can be traumatic.  The meeting has been postponed until Saturday.  I don’t like working Saturdays, but “Mokko” (as he is known, though I do not know why) has been one of my best clients.

I was going to go home, but it was cold.  I decided to drive south to Philadelphia.  I drove around the streets of Philadelphia looking for something to do when I came across a cemetery.  I went into the cemetery and starting campaigning.

Two men in business attire walked up to me and asked what I was doing.  I told them I was campaigning for the 2012 election.  They told me to stop.  I asked why.

“They already know who they are going to vote for.” the taller of the two men said.  “They don’t need no competition.”

“You mean, ‘they don’t need any competition’.”  I replied.  “You used a double-negative.”

“Shut the duck up!”  The shorter guy said.  (Only they didn’t say “duck”, but my mother reads this blog.)

“Competition is good.  I think the deceased would like to hear what I have to say.”  I said.

“Not these dead people!” the tall guy replied.

The short guy went behind me and grabbed my arms.  The tall guy punched me twice in the face and twice in the ribs.  The little man then slammed me to the ground.

The only thing I can think of why people would beat me up in a cemetery is that some people who normally vote for Democrats voted for me in 2008 instead of Barack Obama.  Campaigning in cemeteries works better than I thought and getting beat up proves it.


December 8, 2010 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, Democrats, humor, politics, satire | , , ,


  1. dang ahmnodt. Thats pretty rough. Are you going to move in with your aunty and uncle in bel air now?


    Comment by shuttupjerk | December 8, 2010

  2. Rick, LOL. I am going back to Philadelphia this weekend and campaign again. Only this time I will bring a camera and take their picture. I will then post their picture on the internet and ridicule them.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | December 8, 2010

  3. please do!

    Anyone advocating the move from the east coast of the states to the west by force MUST be ridiculed by anonymous people they’ve never met.

    I will be there, cheering you on good sir!


    Comment by shuttupjerk | December 8, 2010

  4. You tend not to get too many people disagreeing with your platform either.

    Comment by Bearman | December 8, 2010

  5. I hope you don’t have any photo shoots coming up soon!

    Comment by Mel | December 8, 2010

  6. Bearman, some people do disagree with me. Most of them are stupid and don’t like that I will repeal laws that protect stupid people.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | December 8, 2010

  7. Mel,

    I don’t plan on having any pictures taken until the black-and-blue is gone from my eye and my lip is no longer swollen.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | December 8, 2010

  8. This gives me one more reason to be afraid of cemetaries. I certainly don’t want to get beat up and left for dead in one.

    Comment by yellowcat | December 9, 2010

  9. I wouldn’t mind as much being left for dead in a cemetery. It would save the trouble of a funeral precession going through town to the cemetery.

    Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | December 9, 2010

  10. […] Roughed up in Philly: Ahmnodt Heare tells of his rough experience in campaigning in a Philadelphia cemetery.  Did a zombie get him?  No, just two goons.  Pray for a speedy recovery! […]

    Pingback by Weekly Wrap Dec 11, 2010 | February 2, 2011

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

%d bloggers like this: