Roughed up in Philly

I have just returned from an impromptu and ill-advised campaign stop in Philadelphia.  I had spent the morning in Trenton, New Jersey meeting a client.  What was to be an all-day meeting was cut abruptly when my client received word that his sea monkey had passed away.  I can relate.  Losing a pet can be traumatic.  The meeting has been postponed until Saturday.  I don’t like working Saturdays, but “Mokko” (as he is known, though I do not know why) has been one of my best clients.

I was going to go home, but it was cold.  I decided to drive south to Philadelphia.  I drove around the streets of Philadelphia looking for something to do when I came across a cemetery.  I went into the cemetery and starting campaigning.

Two men in business attire walked up to me and asked what I was doing.  I told them I was campaigning for the 2012 election.  They told me to stop.  I asked why.

“They already know who they are going to vote for.” the taller of the two men said.  “They don’t need no competition.”

“You mean, ‘they don’t need any competition’.”  I replied.  “You used a double-negative.”

“Shut the duck up!”  The shorter guy said.  (Only they didn’t say “duck”, but my mother reads this blog.)

“Competition is good.  I think the deceased would like to hear what I have to say.”  I said.

“Not these dead people!” the tall guy replied.

The short guy went behind me and grabbed my arms.  The tall guy punched me twice in the face and twice in the ribs.  The little man then slammed me to the ground.

The only thing I can think of why people would beat me up in a cemetery is that some people who normally vote for Democrats voted for me in 2008 instead of Barack Obama.  Campaigning in cemeteries works better than I thought and getting beat up proves it.

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