Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Enter the Newtered One

Some people just don’t get it.  Newt Gingrich is one of these people.  Just because Bob who goes to the diner in town thinks he would be a good president doesn’t mean that Bob is an average American.

Gingrich thinks that he will be president because he thinks the average American has a ton of unresolved issues at home and has to go to the diner every morning for breakfast to get away from the family.  I didn’t need someone like Bob to validate my candidacy.  I ran because there are a lot of people like me who don’t like the job Republicans and Democrats have done for the last 81 3/4 years.

It took a lot of people in all walks of life (with the possible exception of clergy) to convince me to run for president.  These people include:

  • The chronically unemployed – They couldn’t find sustainable work with Democrats or Republicans in Washington.  They figure why not give me a chance.
  • Prostitutes and Drug Dealers – They want someone who has a true appreciation for small business.
  • Teachers – They want to teach things that children will actually need in their adult lives.
  • Comedians – They say I give them the best material.  I don’t know what they mean by that, but I am glad to give inspiration.

The key to winning an election is to get the support from as many walks of life as possible.  Newt Gingrich may have the vote of the diner regular with the poor home life, but that is a very small segment of America.

May 9, 2011 - Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , ,


  1. You’ve got the prostitute’s vote but did you get their pimp’s vote?

    Comment by Scholar Mel | May 10, 2011

    • I should. I’ve been helping fund their 401k funds.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 10, 2011

  2. What was happening 82 years ago that we did like what they were doing?

    Comment by Bearman | May 10, 2011

    • 82 years ago was the peak of the Roaring 20s. The Depression started 81 1/2 years ago and America hasn’t been the same since.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 10, 2011

  3. I can’t stand Newt Gingrich. Can’t stand him. If there was a Gingrich/Limbaugh ticket I would know the gates of Hell had opened and I’d have to move to Canada. Yeah, Canada.

    Comment by yellowcat | May 13, 2011

    • Newtaphobia is a large reason why I decided to run for president!

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 13, 2011

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