Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

Gingrich
40.4%
243,153
Romney
27.8%
167,279
Santorum
17.0%
102,055
Paul
13.0%
77,993
Cain
1.1%
6,324
Perry
0.4%
2,494
Huntsman
0.2%
1,161
Bachmann
0.1%
494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

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January 22, 2012 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | , , , , , , ,

4 Comments

  1. Cain is still on the list? I thought once a candidate pulled out of the race their name was taken off the ballot.

    Comment by Scholar Mel | January 23, 2012

    • The ballots are printed well ahead of time. He, Huntsman, and Perry are all on the Florida ballot.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | January 23, 2012

  2. The media is picking our president this election. They like open marriages.

    Comment by yellowcat | January 23, 2012

    • I noticed that. Mitt is always in the middle. The people the media doesn’t like are on the edges. And those they’re scared of are home pounding away on Twitter.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | January 23, 2012


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