Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

My Immigration Platform

Like many other candidates, I want to deport people who don’t belong in the United States.  The biggest difference between my proposal and proposals by other candidates is who should be deported.  Most candidates use place of origin as the basis of deportation (assuming they are here without permission.)  I don’t care what country a person is born.  Everybody should be welcomed in the United States and have a chance to prosper.

The people I would like to weed out has nothing to do with nationality.  I would use common sense as my criteria.   People with no common sense have no business living in the United States.  This includes the following people:

  • People who text and drive.  (Using a cell phone for phone calls is not the best play in the playbook either, but at least it’s possible to look at the road while talking.
  • People who cross a road without looking.  (Or worse – people who push baby carriages and strollers onto roads without looking.)  I don’t think there should be more laws imposed on people who use their brains to protect those who don’t)
  • Drivers who cut you off as if in a hurry only to drive slower than a snail once they’re in front of you.
  • People who go into express lanes in supermarkets (20 items or fewer) with 40 or more items.
  • The person (or people) who came up with the TSA’s current pat-down procedure.  Someone explain to me how 19 hijackers got parlayed into legalized groping.  (Especially since those 19 hijackers are all dead.)

The hard part is going to be where to deport those born in the United States who fit into the above categories.  Greenland has a large area of land with no inhabitants.  I’ll negotiate with Greenland for a plan that works for both countries.


February 8, 2012 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, humor, satire | , , , , , , ,


  1. Sounds like you’re going to get us into war with Greenland.

    Can we whup ’em?

    Comment by John P. Slevin | February 8, 2012

    • There is no reason to whoop them, I think there is a barren valley between two mountain ranges they can move to. They won’t be a threat to Greenlanders because it’s not the best and brightest we are deporting.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | February 8, 2012

  2. Luckily, they are unlikely to survive the pass back toward civilization. Natural selection.

    Comment by Red | February 13, 2012

    • They can have their own isolation in their own village.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | February 13, 2012

  3. I posted a question to republicans about illegal immigration earlier and why they are so freaked out about it. Here’s a follow up question. Do you think we should make it easier for illegals to become legal? We could enlarge the immigration offices along the border and make everyone entering register with the gov, give them a green card, and thus allow them to be documented legally. We could make an agreement with Mexico to show their citizens how to use the system and become legal. I think we should also allow everyone from Mexico who wants to come here the chance to do so “through this program”. Sound like a good idea? If we tried it we would no longer have an immigration problem, they would all become legal and would all be paying taxes and such. We should also give all illegals currently here the chance to use such a program…Problem solved, right?? Or, is the illegal immigration platform just a sleazy excuse to espouse anti-mexican and anti-Latino sentiments??

    Comment by birthday parties san francisco | February 16, 2012

    • I think we should redefine who should and shouldn’t be allowed to live in this country. I think the best and brightest should be fast-tracked into citizenship. I think the stupid people should be deported regardless of where they are born. This includes those born in the United States,

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | February 16, 2012

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