Staten Island Chuck
I don’t know Staten Island Chuck’s lifetime record is in Groundhog Day predictions, but for 2012, he beat Punxsutawney Phil 1-0. While Phil had predicted six more weeks of winter, Chuck predicted an early spring. February was the warmest month on record in the northeastern US and March looks like it will be the warmest March ever.
Those in the northeast will be happy to know that I will not be wasting my time going to Punxsutawney next February. I will instead go to Staten Island. It is a much shorter drive and it will be easier to get access to Chuck to spray pepper his eyes so he won’t see his shadow. This will allow another early spring for next year.
Thank you, Staten Island Chuck from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team for making this the nicest winter ever. I promise I won’t go overboard with the pepper spray next Groundhog Day and I’ll chuck the wood you would have wanted to chuck while you are recovering.
Choosing Staten Island over Punxsutawney is not without its side effects. I will have to pay to cross the Goethals Bridge. (The toll to cross the bridge is $12.) I will have to pick up a pair of earplugs to drown out Michael Bloomberg’s whiny voice. And because the Groundhog Day thingie is done in the morning, I will have to fight rush hour traffic pretty much the entire route. (70 miles or at least 1 1/2 hours of rush-hour traffic)
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.