Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weirder by the Moment

My mother and my daughter are at my place.  My father is at a nearby hotel.  I am at the Starbucks across the street from the hospital I am staying at.

My father was kind enough to pick up my daughter on his way to my condo from Washington.  My daughter gets scared when my father freaks out when he drives.  (For some odd reason, she doesn’t get scared when I freak out when I am driving.  Since I do most of my driving in New Jersey, I freak out more than my father does.)

My daughter was so disturbed by riding up with my father that as soon as she got to my place, she told my mother that she wanted me to drive her home on Sunday, only I can’t because I was in the hospital.

The trip to the hospital was the result of my fainting and becoming unconscious while shopping for office supplies (staples, paper clips, model glue).  I was about to be released last night when the doctor who examined me saw some problems with my previous health records.  This doctor wanted to know how my other doctor came up with the conclusion that I had menstrual cramps and vaginal discharge.  There were other things I told the doctor that I didn’t tell him until after the bloodwork was done.

  • I have had extreme body temperature fluctuations for the past week.  It’s been as high as 101.3 and as low as 96.8 though most of the time I have been at normal body temperature.
  • I have lost eleven pounds in the past two weeks.  In the past, I would have been stoked because I was obese for a long time, but the sudden loss of weight has me near underweight.
  • My farts smell really really bad.  The rule of thumb is that your own farts don’t smell as bad, but these last few farts hurt my nose.  I can only imagine the damage it is doing to the general public.
  • I fell asleep during “Wheel of Fortune.”

More bloodwork is being done in the morning.  Hopefully it will just be a pill or two and maybe an antibiotic and I’ll be good to go.

 

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March 24, 2012 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, health care, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , ,

5 Comments

  1. Temperature + fainting = not good on average. 2 summers ago I had empyema, all the nurses wanted to treat me it was that rare – 3 cases in last 2 years in all of eastern Canada. 2 years before i got this, the only “cure” was cutting and leaving the chest open and scrubbing the lungs clean 4 times a day, with a chest pump going all day and heavy antibiotics. Luckily, 3 years before i got it, a student found a working cure while doing her thesis. A nursing student! And it’s an enzyme from some S. American frog! The meaning? ‘Ya never know!

    Good luck!

    Comment by Marc Phillippe Babineau | March 24, 2012

    • I had stomach surgery in my 20s when I found out I was one of those people who can’t take ibuprofen the hard way.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | March 25, 2012

  2. NO! Not Wheel of Fortune!

    Comment by reverendhellfire | March 25, 2012

    • I never found out the what the final puzzle was on Friday.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | March 25, 2012

  3. A woman went to the doctor. In his office she said she needed a check up because she farted a lot and even though they were silent and didn’t smell, she worried that there was something wrong. “I’ve farted 3 times since I’ve been here, but you couldn’t hear or smell them, but I want to know what’s causing me to have gas all the time.” He gave her some pills and told her to return in a week.

    The next week she returned enraged. “My farts didn’t stink or make any sound until I saw you. Now they smell awful. I can’t stand to be around myself,” she yelled at the doctor.

    He replied, “Well, we’ve fixed your sense of smell, now let’s work on your hearing.”

    Comment by yellowcat | March 27, 2012


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