Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Maury Moments

A “Maury Moment” is the time spent waiting for test results.  “Test results” and “Lie detector tests” are themes of the Maury Povich show.  The first Maury moment I had was in the summer of 2002 when I would find out that “Ahmnodt the father.”  My daughter was born the following March.

The second moment was a couple weeks ago when I underwent some tests when I suddenly lost weight and became ill.  Those tests were inconclusive and I had to go to Albany on Monday to undergo more tests.

The third Maury moment was yesterday from when my doctor called me and wanted to see him that afternoon.  I was concerned that the urgency of having to meet the doctor could have been a bad thing.  It turns out that urgency was because the doctor was about to take a three-week vacation and didn’t want to leave me hanging all this time.

The good news is that whatever caused me to lose weight and become sick was temporary and my blood tests came back fine.  The bad news is that during the checkup, the doctor noticed that I was having difficulty breathing deeply.  I have to undergo more tests for breathing and a chest x-ray on Wednesday.  The doctor wouldn’t say it, but I think the “Simple Chronic Halitosis” I have been fighting has become “Complex Chronic Halitosis”.  He opted instead to blame it on my smoking.  He also advised I take it easy this weekend.

I will be alone this holiday weekend instead of heading to Washington DC to be with my daughter and my parents.  I will be holding a telepathic campaign rally Monday at 8:00PM Eastern / 5:00PM Pacific.  I am hoping the doctor will allow me to partake in the “Orgies for Abstinence” event this Friday night.  I have given up abstinence for Lent and am withholding my urge to abstain until Friday.

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April 7, 2012 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, health care, humor, satire | , , , , , , ,

4 Comments

  1. Hey, no shit here, i had the same symptoms two summers ago and it turned out to be “Empyema”, an infection of the chest cavity surrounding the lung. Luckily, an RN student found the cure in her thesis 3 years before i became ill, and instead of having my chest open for 4 weeks or 4-times a day cleansing, i only needed 2 weeks of daily enzyme treatments and a chest draining tube. However, it was one heck of a great weight loss regimen, as i lost 85 pounds and went back to my life-long normal weight of 185! Good luck, and remember, Yourenot sick!

    Comment by Marc Phillippe Babineau | April 7, 2012

    • A chest draining tube sounds painful. I had a stomach draining tube years ago and it hurt.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | April 7, 2012

  2. Cut back on the smoking pronto! When you get elected the general public will expect you to be smoke-free. You can’t shake hands and hug babies with a cigarette in your hand.

    Comment by yellowcat | April 7, 2012

    • Now you’re sounding like my parents… and my daughter… and my doctor… and the redhead at the nudie bar who whined that my coughing was distracting her dancing…

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | April 7, 2012


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