Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.


Much to the chagrin of my Little League coach, I quit something.  As of Tuesday, I became an ex-smoker.  i quit smoking even though winners never quit.

It has been difficult.  I have gained seven pounds so far.  This means I will be swimming a few extra laps in the Jacuzzias well as spending at least five minutes on the treadmill at the gym.   I may even double the weights I use for weightlifting to 20 pounds.

I still have the urges to light up at certain times of the day.  I want to smoke when I wake up, when I drive (especially here in New Jersey – there is a reason why auto insurance is higher in New Jersey than in any other state – people here don’t know how to drive!)  I also want to smoke when writing blog entries.  (This is why I haven’t written in a few days.)

Quitting smoking does have its benefits.  I have a few extra dollars I can spend at the nudie bar.  Breathing has become easier.  My sense of smell has improved.  (This is a bit of a negative at the gym when people are sweating like pigs.)

I am going to have to find a way to be able to write without being overwhelmed by the urge to smoke.  Masturbation eases the urge, but makes it harder to type.  Hopefully as I go longer without smoking, I’ll be able to write on a regular basis.



May 4, 2012 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , ,


  1. If you drove a Jetta, you would be jerking off in Jersey while driving a Jetta…. AKA rolling a J!

    Comment by Marc Phillippe Babineau | May 5, 2012

    • That’s why I don’t drive a Jetta. It’s hard to masturbate in privacy when so many people here tailgate and can see your every move.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 5, 2012

  2. I would say congratulations, but I hate to lose another smoker. Soon there won’t be enough of us to bitch about all the places we can no longer smoke and then the other side wins entirely. I am glad I am old enough to remember when I could still got to pool tournaments and smoke while shooting billiards. I am glad I am old enough to remember expensive meals and my smoke over that last Drambuie and coffee of the evening. I glad I am old enough to remember going to the Blues Bars to see the greats and watching through the blue haze of smoke (it just doesn’t seem right anymore). I am glad I am old enough to remember concerts inside and out, where smoke of many kinds mingled.

    Comment by Valentine Logar | May 5, 2012

    • I promise never to be one of those ex-smokers who whine about smokers smoking in public places like parks, sidewalks, and day care centers. I also find it disappointing that the more taxes there are on cigarettes. the more restrictions there are on smoking.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 5, 2012

      • I frequently mention that to people who give me stink eye in public places. In small towns in Texas they haven’t caught up to Dallas (where to many Californians migrated too) and they still allow smoking many places, even indoors in some out of the way pool halls where cowboys still say things like “little lady are you sure you know how to handle that big stick there”. Of course, then I take all their money and leave them crying in their long necked Lone Stars, but that is a different story.

        Comment by Valentine Logar | May 5, 2012

  3. I thought you little league coach only cared about dipping not smoking.

    Comment by bearmancartoons | May 5, 2012

    • He hates quitting more than anything. He heard that I quit smoking so I told him that I didn’t quit smoking but retired from smoking.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 5, 2012

  4. GADS! Now i’m just pissed – in Ontario (province of Canada where Toronto and Ottawa reside) many cities have bylaws now where you can’t smoke on the beach, at parks, on patios – even in “shared backyards”!!!

    Comment by Marc Phillippe Babineau | May 5, 2012

    • It’s like that in New York City. They’re looking to ban smoking in apartments. The first place I worked at (a book warehouse), the only place that smoking was prohibited was the boiler room. Then it went to the cafeteria, then came the “designated smoking areas”, then the ban on smoking indoors. Now they have a ban on smoking anywhere on the property.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | May 5, 2012

  5. Good deal on quitting! I still smoke 2-3 a day and it’s more habit than anything else. Someday I’ll quit, but for now I need a bad habit.

    Comment by yellowcat | May 8, 2012

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