It’s back to the campaign trail this weekend. I will be along the western banks of the Hudson River speaking to various groups:
12:00PM – Highland Falls, NY – I will be speaking to a senior citizen group called “SAWAC” (Seniors for Access to Whips And Chains). I will be addressing this active senior group plans to make the equipment they need more easily accessible. The speech will be short so I don’t hold them up for their daily naps.
1:30PM – West Haverstraw, NY – I will organize a speech in front of the motor vehicles office explaining my motor vehicle department plan.
3:00PM – Nyack, NY – I will wonder aimlessly through the streets of Nyack and hopefully figure out what the hell they are thinking about. I hope this won’t take too long.
4:30PM – NY/NJ border on U.S. 9W – I will try to bring peace to the border after a tough NHL Eastern Conference final. Rangers fans and Devils fans were in each others’ faces and has made life difficult for those of us who think both teams suck. (LET’S GO CAPS!!!) By Caps, I mean the Washington Capitals, not typing in all caps. I only typed in caps because I always yell when I say that.
6:00PM – Fort Lee, NJ – I will be at the western end of the George Washington Bridge discouraging people from jumping. I won’t mention my campaign to anybody who is thinking about jumping until they are convinced that jumping off the bridge is not the answer and the meds they will probably have to take start kicking in.
8:00PM – Hoboken, NJ – My last stop tomorrow will involve a seance with fellow Hobokeners and trying to summon the spirit of Hoboken’s favorite son, Frank Sinatra. I am confident he will endorse my campaign posthumously.
Sunday I will be hitting the Wal-Marts in Franklin and Newton, NJ – Monroe and Middletown, NY – Milford, Honesdale, and Dickson City, PA. I will be showing my appreciation to Wal-Mart associates who keep prices low for working for less. Workers who smoke will be given a cigarette as a token of my appreciation.
I’ll be going to bed soon because I have a long weekend ahead.
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