A Good Sex Scandal is Hard to Come By
One would have figured with the frequency I attend nudie bars that I would have been caught up in a sex scandal by now. Or that a lonely housewife would have been attracted by my presidential appeal and would want to get involved in a little something-something while her husband was at work.
Albee Thayer suggested I hire a prostitute. There are a couple problems with that approach. The first problem is that it’s illegal in every state except Nevada. The other problem is that I only want the sex so I can get caught in a scandal that would give my campaign publicity, it would mean that i would be spending money on my campaign. I refuse to spend money on my campaign.
I don’t want to make it look like I am trolling for women for sex. (Even though I am.) I tried asking for booty pics until my campaign manager advised against it, citing that I look more like a dirty old man than a presidential candidate. I was going to send pictures of myself, but we all know what happened when former Congressman Anthony Weiner sent his pics to women.
I won’t be campaigning during the week this week. I will be spending this weekend in Delaware and next weekend in Rhode Island as I resume my “Three Electoral State Blitz” and try to win the election with winning the three and four electoral states, New Jersey, and New York.
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