Vote Absentee!

You’re looking at the title of this blog entry and wondering why the emphasis on voting absentee.  There a few very good reasons.

The first and most important reason is because voting is an important decision.  It is more important than the many scrumptious options on the Denny’s menu.  You are deciding who gets to ruin (or save – if you vote for me) your future.

The second reason is that most people vote after work.  It seems that everybody gets to the polls to vote seconds before you do so you end up wasting hours before voting.  All absentee voting involves is filling out the ballot and mailing it in.

The third reason is that there are many different voting machines and many of them don’t have any paper to show how you vote.  With an absentee ballot, you can make a copy or scan your ballot and you can show how you voted.

The fourth reason is that you can spend time campaigning for me (as long as you are at least 101 feet away from a polling place.  Campaigning any closer is illegal.  This is what I will be doing on Election Day.

The fifth (and second most important reason) is because spelling counts.  Because my campaign is a write-in campaign, my name has to be spelled correctly.  The only acceptable spelling is AHMNODT HEARE (A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters) (Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic).  They will frown on spelling errors like Ahmndot Herae, Amnott Heer, I’m Not Here, Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama.  Voting absentee from home means you can check the spelling before mailing it in.

Don’t forget to vote for Albee Thayer for vice-president.  Remembering Heare and Thayer is half the battle in voting.  The other half is remembering Ahmnodt and Albee and which first name matches with which last name.

On Tuesday (Monday is Labor Day), contact your county (parish for those of y’all in Louisiana) board of elections and request an absentee ballot.  It will save hours of waiting on Election Day.

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