Keeping My Options Open
It might be hard to believe, but there is actually a chance that I will not be elected President of the United States. Being the Boy Scout that I was for a week in 1987, I must be prepared for life should I not win the election. Below are some of my options:
- Become a commissioner of a major sports league. I have already shown how I would handle problems currently in the NFL and NHL. I could also be a good commissioner for the NBA and Major League Baseball.
- Become a reality television star. My life is hectic enough to make for entertaining television. The one drawback would be that the show’s producers would have to censor by covering-the-boobies and other lady body parts when I visit the nudie bar.
- Run for Congress, Senate, Mayor, or other public office. I am leaning against this option. People say they want a president with experience in dealing with government. The Democrats chose President Obama and the Republicans chose
Ron PaulMitt Romney. Most people don’t want the experience they have in the White House, especially ObromneyCare. This is why I chose to run despite not having political experience.
- Write that book I have been putting off writing since 1996. I will have time after Election Day to pursue this should I not win the election, though I still think I am going to win. The reason why I think I will win is because unlike the other candidates, the media has said nothing negative about me, my policies, or my campaign.
- I could offer myself to play the role of Christian Grey in the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie.
There are only 41 days left until Election Day. Pick up your absentee ballot by next Friday if you haven’t done so already. Don’t forget to help the elderly with their absentee ballots, including filling in my name for President so that they don’t have to labor with writing.
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