Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Why I Can Never Be Pope

With a new Pope recently being elected, many people were wondering why I didn’t run for Pope.  There are many reasons.  Below are just a few reasons:

  • I’d have to live in Vatican City. –  Don’t get me wrong:  The Vatican would be a beautiful place to live.  The problem is that neither the Capitals, Redskins, nor Nationals play any games in Italy.  
  • I have a daughter. – I would have to fly to the United States every other weekend for my custody visits.  I am not too sure the College of Cardinals would be too thrilled with my daughter sleeping over or having slumber parties at the Vatican.
  • I’d have to remain chaste. – Not happening.
  • The Latin I speak is not the same as the Latin spoken in the Vatican.  I am not sure if they would understand, “Ourway atherfay owhay artway inway eavenhay…” as the beginning of the Lord’s Prayer.
  • The College of Cardinals would probably be upset if they found out I bet $20 on the Electoral College to beat them in the Tipoff Classic.
  • I don’t like wearing robes.  I’ll wear the beanie if I have to, but the only robe I wear is a bathrobe whilst sitting by the fireplace and enjoying a cognac or five.
  • I am not Catholic. – This might be the biggest hurdle of all.  Going without meat on Fridays scares me sometimes.

I would like to thank people who wanted me to be a pope.  Please don’t consider me for pope though as I don’t think it would be a good idea for either myself or the Catholic Church.


March 22, 2013 - Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, election, humor, satire | , , , , , , , ,


  1. They need to mix it up a little… and you might be a good place for them to start.

    Comment by pouringmyartout | March 22, 2013

    • Maybe later, when my daughter is grown and North American sports leagues expand into Europe. Then there’s the “Wheel of Fortune” not starting until 1:30AM Rome time. I’m going to be cranky during morning prayers.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | March 22, 2013

      • Cranky I can deal with. I want to know where you stand on altar boy molestation.

        Comment by pouringmyartout | March 22, 2013

      • I am against all molestation. That is why I have been boycotting Disney. They seem to encourage that kind of behavior.

        Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | March 23, 2013

  2. I think the best thing they could have done is elect an American Non-Catholic. Maybe they got mixed up, American / Argentine and they mistook him for you.

    Comment by Lisa | March 22, 2013

  3. Pig latin is a lost art

    Comment by bearmancartoons | March 24, 2013

    • I know it is. I vow to preserve the rich heritage the Pig Latino community offers.

      Comment by Ahmnodt Heare | March 24, 2013

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