Why I Can Never Be Pope
With a new Pope recently being elected, many people were wondering why I didn’t run for Pope. There are many reasons. Below are just a few reasons:
- I’d have to live in Vatican City. – Don’t get me wrong: The Vatican would be a beautiful place to live. The problem is that neither the Capitals, Redskins, nor Nationals play any games in Italy.
- I have a daughter. – I would have to fly to the United States every other weekend for my custody visits. I am not too sure the College of Cardinals would be too thrilled with my daughter sleeping over or having slumber parties at the Vatican.
- I’d have to remain chaste. – Not happening.
- The Latin I speak is not the same as the Latin spoken in the Vatican. I am not sure if they would understand, “Ourway atherfay owhay artway inway eavenhay…” as the beginning of the Lord’s Prayer.
- The College of Cardinals would probably be upset if they found out I bet $20 on the Electoral College to beat them in the Tipoff Classic.
- I don’t like wearing robes. I’ll wear the beanie if I have to, but the only robe I wear is a bathrobe whilst sitting by the fireplace and enjoying a cognac or five.
- I am not Catholic. – This might be the biggest hurdle of all. Going without meat on Fridays scares me sometimes.
I would like to thank people who wanted me to be a pope. Please don’t consider me for pope though as I don’t think it would be a good idea for either myself or the Catholic Church.
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About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
They need to mix it up a little… and you might be a good place for them to start.
Maybe later, when my daughter is grown and North American sports leagues expand into Europe. Then there’s the “Wheel of Fortune” not starting until 1:30AM Rome time. I’m going to be cranky during morning prayers.
Cranky I can deal with. I want to know where you stand on altar boy molestation.
I am against all molestation. That is why I have been boycotting Disney. They seem to encourage that kind of behavior.
I think the best thing they could have done is elect an American Non-Catholic. Maybe they got mixed up, American / Argentine and they mistook him for you.
Pig latin is a lost art
I know it is. I vow to preserve the rich heritage the Pig Latino community offers.