Time to Step Up My Game

There has been a lot going on in my life the last year that had taken away valuable campaigning time.  My parents have both moved into adult care facilities.  I lost a custody battle for my daughter and she now lives in Italy with her mother.  “American Idol” ended before I could audition.  My campaign email has been hacked and I no longer have access to your letters or correspondences I have been getting from Nigerian princes.  (It seems that my campaign is popular in Nigeria.)

I was considering suspending my campaign for the rest of the election cycle until I heard that Donald Trump was the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party.  It also looks like that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic Party candidate.

I am looking for places to campaign.  If you know of a rally, bar mitzvah, or memorial service looking for a speaker, feel free to correspond.

The new updated contact information will be posted providing that I remember the email address or phone number.  I don’t email or call myself often enough to know those things by heart.  At least I know my address (but only because Papa John’s keep asking for it when I order pizza to be delivered.)

Tell all of your friends and 3/4 of your enemies that my campaign is back and running on full steam.  It’s sad that America needs me to run as desperately as she does, but I am up for the task.

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Yeah, I’m Still Running

It might seem with my lack of posts lately that I have given up on running for President.  The fact is that I have been distracted by some very important matters (taking care of my parents, trying to generate more work for myself, Shark Week, etc.).  I have also done some campaigning, but they were small in nature and were more “preaching to the choir” to get the base energized than to speaking to new people.

I am putting my personal business aside between now and November 2016 so I can give it my all and get elected.  It’s hard to get excited about America’s future when people like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are given serious consideration as candidates.

My platform remains the same, especially the part that states that I will not be accepting any money for my campaign.  The only way to take money out of politics is to never put money into politics.

Look for me this weekend at the Delaware State fair.  I will not have a booth at the fair, but I will be walking around the fairgrounds looking for people who want to strike up a conversation.

This is what I look like, except that my hair is much shorter, I have no facial hair, and I won’t be wearing sunglasses.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask me, feel free to ask in the comments section. I had requested e-mailing the questions in the past, but critics of the campaign claimed that I ignored the tough questions. I do not ignore tough questions. I put them aside to answer at a later time.