The New Battle Part I

There are two topics that I would like to discuss because the other candidates will not take the time to address.  “Black Friday” and “Pop-Up Ads.”  These need to be addressed because they bother me and they probably bother you as well.  I will cover “Black Friday” today.

Black Friday (The day after Thanksgiving in the United States or the day after Columbus Day in Canada) is traditionally the day that retail stores make a profit for the year as more people shop on that day than on any other day of the year.

It used to be that stores would start decorating for Christmas on Thanksgiving week.  Most stores are fully decorated for Christmas by Halloween and some stores start decorating as soon as the Back-to-School sales period ends.

Once upon a time, Black Friday sales started on Friday.  It started at Noon many years ago,  Than it got moved to 8:00AM, than 6AM, than 5AM, and finally, Midnight.  The retail stores realized that they were running out of Friday to start.  Black Friday started at 8:00PM a few years ago and 6:00PM last year.

It was bad enough having to stay up to get in line for a Black Friday sale in the cold Northeastern nights.  Moving it to Thanksgiving Thursday cuts into very valuable time with the family watching football.

Here is my plan to stop Black Friday Sales during football Thanksgiving:  I will boycott and store that has a Black Friday sale before 6:00AM on Friday.  This boycott will not just be for Black Friday.  It will not be just for the holiday season.  It will be for as long as they insist on ruining the Thanksgivings of their employees and of the loved ones of people who shop on Thursday.

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Catching Up in Politics

I’m back before I miss too much going on and have to spend an entire weekend blogging.  President Obama is in a heap of trouble.  I will make my endorsement for New York City mayor tonight.

Between “Benghazigate”, The IRS fiasco, an the AP wiretapping mess, you’re probably regretting not voting for me for President last November.  I forgive you.  Just remember this entry in 2016 before you vote for one of the poor choices the Republicans and Democrats will be nominating.  Below is how I would have prevented Obama’s scandals from becoming scandals in an Ahmnodt Heare administration:

Benghazigate: – I wouldn’t have allowed a consulate office to be opened in Benghazi.  This is because like so many other Americans, I never heard of Benghazi before the diplomats were killed.  I would have kept them in Tripoli as long as it was safe.  If it got too risky to stay, I would have gotten the navy to pick them up and ship them across the Mediterranean Sea to Italy.

The IRS: – The IRS has supposedly been targeting certain non-profit organizations that were against the Obama Administration.  To the best of my knowledge, TAMPON (Take All Money Political Out Now) was not targeted because they were considered to be more pro-Ahmnodt Heare and less anti-Barack Obama.  This probably includes businesses that did not make profits because of the Obama administration’s poor fiscal policies.  My policies would make businesses prosper and leave non-profits alone as they don’t make enough money to interest me.

AP Wiretapping: – I don’t know why anybody would wiretap the Associated Press.  The news has sucked for years now.  I don’t know of any stories that were negative against the White House until lately.  I wouldn’t wiretap anybody because I wouldn’t want to get caught.

I have spent some time thinking about who I should endorse for Mayor.  The problem is that I have two friends of my campaign running for mayor.  Jimmy McMillan is one candidate.  Though he hasn’t endorsed my campaign, I agree with him when he says the rent is too damned high.  Anthony Weiner and I don’t see eye-to-eye on all of the issues, but that did not stop him from endorsing me last year. 

The person I am endorsing for mayor doesn’t currently live in New York City, but he had worked in Gotham for years.  He has fought crime better than any of the other candidates.  While he doesn’t currently live in New York, he is currently a mayor of a small town in Rhode Island.  He has had to battle issues like stolen water and sewage dumping, so he is ready to serve the fine people of New York City.

 

Adam West for Mayor of New York City

 

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

• Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
• The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
• The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
• Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

Canada’s New Plan of Attack

For the last fifty years, Canada’s mode of attack has been to have their spies infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry and ruin our last remaining export.  Some of their more infamous spies include William Shatner, Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and Justin Bieber.  The Canadian government has reached a new low with their newest tactic.  It is a complicated plan that hurts not only American citizens, but also their own.

First, Canada drives their prices so high that things become hard to afford in Canada.  Gas is around $5.00/gallon in British Columbia while it’s about $3.80 in Washington State.  Here is a cost-of-living comparison between Vancouver, BC and Seattle, WA.  Canadians know things are less expensive in the United States so they hit American stores en mass and hoard essentials like milk, eggs, and cigarettes before Americans can get to them.

There are two ways to handle this:  Raise the prices of things in Americs so it’s as bad here as in Canada.  This is a bad idea unless you are rich and have a ton of disposable income.  The other plan is to sabotage the Canadian Dollar to the point that it would be virtually worthless in the United States.  That’s why I just came up with a third idea.  He;p the Canadian citizens petition their government.  This will not only make things more affordable for Canadians to shop in Canada, but it will finally put an end to their government’s tampering with American entertainment.

I should mention that no other presidential candidate has even mentioned this as of this posting.  84 shopping days until Election Day.

My Economic Policy

In the past I have talked about how I would create jobs.  Creating jobs won’t mean much without a sound economic vision because companies won’t make the money they need to maintain employment.

I will try to lay out my banking and finance strategy without boring you to tears.  This won’t be easy because thinking about bores me to tears.  But once the plan is implemented, you will be pleased with how things are going to go.

My banking plan will simply banking, remove or lower many banking fees, and make loans more readily available while allowing banks to make money.  I would eliminate checking and saving fees and lower cash advances from ATM machines to $1.00  per transaction.  Banks would make their money from interest-free loans from the Federal Reserve once the government takes it over (more on this in a minute) and by increasing the limit on interest rate on homes and automobiles.

The Constitution states that Congress is supposed to be in charge of minting monies.  Therefore, the Federal Reserve is unconstitutional.  I also believe that the government is better suited to print money out of thin air than any private institution like the Federal Reserve.

My plan will allow banks to make more money, allow people to keep more of their own money so they can spend it on stuff and keep stores open and able to keep employees.

I apologize if you were bored but you will be excited when you have more money to spend.  This is one reason why I am running for President.  I also want more money to spend.

My Take on the Republican Race for President

Current Delegate Count (as of 3/26/2012)

Romney – 568

Santorum – 273

Gingrich – 135

Paul – 50

Heare* – 0

*Not a Republican

Continuing the Republican Primary race until June would be more exciting if the race was close.  Romney has double the delegates of Santorum, who has double the delegates of Gingrich, who has double the delegates of Paul, who has double the delegates of Heare, who has as many Republican delegates as Barack Obama.

Barring a major scandal, Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee for President.  Most political pundits will tell you that who becomes President depends on who is the better candidate.  There is a truth in that in elections that neither candidate is an incumbent.  What matters in the elections with an incumbent is the state of the country.  If the country is in bad shape, then anybody can beat the incumbent.  The incumbent can beat anybody if the country is in great shape.

My chances are better because the country is not in very good shape.  The economy is still improving, but will stall when gas hits $4.50/gallon in May.  Crime is down right now but will increase with the increase in gas prices.  Justin Bieber is still in this country.  (As a reminder, I am the only candidate who has discussed the importance of deporting Bieber.)

There will be no more debates.  This helps Romney more than the other candidates because he’ll be on TV live less and fewer people will see his blunders.  This hurts Ron Paul the most because he was getting the fewest questions during the debates.  He tended to get more votes in primaries and caucuses following a debate.  I am the same way, which is why I wasn’t even invited to debate.

Instead of the Republican race being a tightrope event waiting to see if the tightrope walker can get to the other side, it’s the last days of a terminally ill patient that Americans are watching and hoping for the best.

Shopping Woes

Unlike the other presidential candidates, I have been in a supermarket in my lifetime.  I have been doing my own shopping so I know the horrors of sticker shock first hand.   I have developed carpal tunnel syndrome from clipping so many coupons in an attempt to get everything I want to get in the supermarket.

The excuses for the constant increases in coffee prices are as lame as the excuses for the constant increases in gas prices.  Too much rain in Columbia, not enough rain in Kenya, too cold in Greenland.  I have heard all of the excuses for spikes in coffee prices and frankly, I am sick of them.

While there are a ton of excuses for the spikes in coffee prices, I haven’t heard any for the spikes in the prices for pastas.  We don’t get our pasta from Columbia or Kenya, so weather isn’t a factor.  it has long since been discovered that spaghetti doesn’t grow on trees.  The price of pasta has doubled over the last four years and I demand to know why!  It seems the stuff I buy the most of has risen more than stuff I avoid like the Plague.

I don’t have all of the answers to the food prices, but I do have one answer that will lower prices for some foods.  We need to stop paying farmers not to grow food.  The more food, the cheaper.  We also have to quit exporting food only to import some of the same food at a higher price.

You can vote for a candidate who can’t tell the difference between a shopping cart and a dolly or you can vote for someone who has walked in your shoes.  I have walked in your shoes and will return them by the end of the week.