Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Learning From Ferguson

It is unfortunate that Americans have not learned from Rodney King and Trayvon Martin.  Once again, cars were set on fire and businesses were looted.  There has to be a stop to this.  In order to stop history from repeating itself, one has to get to the root of the cause and spread Roundup weed killer on it until the root is dead.  Here is how I would handle things to make sure this doesn’t happen again:

Reading the Verdict – Have the verdict read in the morning before 10:00AM.  Nobody likes rioting when one is tired and the coffee hasn’t kicked in.

Keep it Peaceful – Most of the greatest achievements towards equality were the result of peaceful actions like Martin Luther King.  People have no sympathy for those who choose to act like they are in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Focus Your Anger – Instead of burning everybody’s cars and looting businesses, take out your hostility on those who caused you to feel hostile.  Don’t burn down your neighborhood.  It keeps the police around too long.  Instead, hold a sit-in at a courthouse or police station.  And although the Department of Motor Vehicles usually has nothing to do with these situations, have a sit-in there too.  You will get supporters because everybody hates the DMV. (Even the people who work there.)

If you are a district attorney, please don’t give a case to a grand jury with the intent with hoping that they will not indict the defendant when the defendant has allegedly caused death or injury to a person.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and may your Black Friday shopping be less of a riot than what Ferguson went through.

 

 

November 25, 2014 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Learning From Ferguson

WANTED: Running Mate

If you have some free time between January 2017 and January 2021, please consider running as my running mate in the 2016 election.  Below are the requirements that must be met in order to be considered to be a Vice President:

  • Must be at least 35 years old by January 20, 2017.
  • Must be a United States citizen not residing in the State of Delaware. (The President and Vice-President must be from different states as per the U.S. Constitution.
  • Must not have a police record with any felonies.

If you meet the criteria and you want to considered a candidate to be my running mate, then send an e-mail to my campaign manager the reasons why you should be my running mate.  The e-mail should include the following:

  1. Why my campaign excites you.
  2. The skills and experience you can add.
  3. Your best Chili Con Carne recipe.
  4. Why you would be assassination insurance so I can live throughout our term.

If you are interested in a cabinet position or the position of First Lady, feel free to e-mail my campaign manager indicating the position you desire (doggy style is not a cabinet position) and a brief summary including the first three points of the Vice-President position.

 

Applications will be accepted until February 16, 2015 at 12:00PM Eastern Standard Time.  Enter early and often!  America needs you!

November 15, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, humor, politics, satire | , , , , | Comments Off on WANTED: Running Mate

We Won a Battle!

“My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!”

The battle against global warming is done and we won!  Tuesday was my running day.  A warm breeze from the south rose the temperature to 78°F (26°C) as I began my mile run.  I was dripping in sweat when I finished my run two hours later.  This is November!  People aren’t supposed to sweat in November.

Two days later (That’s today), It’s currently 45°F (Who really cares what the temperature for that is in Celsius?  It’s chilly, and that’s all you need to know.)  My Thursday swim was a lot colder than I had planned.  I’ll have to wear a jacket next Thursday so I’ll keep warm.

It’s supposed to be a rain/snow mix tonight and cold for the foreseeable future.  No more sweating doing strenuous activities like running and yawning.  Tonight will be a night of roasting marshmallows, getting a bonfire going, and opening the windows so that the smoke from the bonfire can escape.

The best part was that we didn’t have to use nuclear warheads to stop global warming.  We can save the nukes for other battles like the “War on Obesity.”

November 13, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Won a Battle!

Snag on the Trail

I was all set to head up to Dixville Notch to start campaigning in New Hampshire.  Everything was set – I had some money, my dog, and a handmade “Dixville Notch” sign for hitchhiking.  The phone rang and while I was on the phone, someone smashed the front window and began to climb in.  The dog’s bark was too loud and continuous to continue the phone conversation (It turned out to be a wrong number),  The person who broke in was lying on the floor, barely able to move.

While the ambulance was on the way, I walked around the intruder, reached for his wallet, and took his money..  I felt bad as he only had seven dollars for me to take.    The money was replaced with a carefully folded brochure I had left over from the 2008 campaign.

There was still the broken window that had to be fixed.  The local window repair company was busy and could not come until Monday at the earliest.  Fortunately, a neighbor owns a windshield repair company and was able to replace the window with a tinted windshield.

I tried to leave again, but the dog was too tired from all of the commotion.  He wouldn’t even move for his “good-boy” treat.  He just stayed on the recliner and refused to move.  He stayed in the chair after he went potty.

If you are looking for a slightly used recliner, please give me a call at your earliest convenience and I will sell it for you at a reasonable cost.

November 6, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Snag on the Trail

Heare for Teachers

The lead story on the local news was a former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader being arrested for raping a 15-year-old boy.  From what I was able to watch, the boy did not want to participate in intercourse.

This story reminded me of the recent stories of female teachers having sexual relations with students.  It doesn’t matter if the students are willing (Many times these cases get reported after the male student brags about and the parents report it to the police.)  It is wrong whether a minor consents or not.

If you are a female teacher and you find yourself having the urge of getting involved with a student, back away and give me a call.  I will keep our relationship.  If the affair somehow gets leaked out to the press, you could at least breathe easy knowing that no charges will be filed.

If you find it necessary that you have a relationship with a student, I can be that student.  I’ll bring an apple and a ruler.  You could spank me because I forgot to do my homework.  I’ll stay after class for “extra study”.

Don’t jeopardize your career and have to register as a sex offender.  Let me help you.

November 5, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Heare for Teachers

Decisions 2014

I made some very important decisions today.  Some decisions will have more impact on my future than others,  Voting was mandatory because I am an inspiring presidential candidate.  I wrote in Seaford, DE native Delino DeShields for every office and ballot initiative.  Below are other important decisions I made today:

  • Shopping for a can opener – I spent more than I usually did for an opener, but I made up for it by buying a quality can opener that I won’t have to replace next week.
  • I postponed cleaning my yard until tomorrow – Just like I postponed yard cleaning yesterday until today.
  • I cooked corn as a side dish with chicken tonight instead of peas.  I also voted for stuffing over egg noodles.

My voting decisions were not limited to personal decisions.  A very important campaign decision was also made today.  Tomorrow morning I will leave Seaford and head to Dixville Notch, New Hampshire.  I hope to arrive in Dixville Notch by Sunday.  It is important to go there first because people vote there first and a victory there will be the boost my campaign will need.

This has been a long day and tomorrow promises to also contain 24 hours.  Enjoy your evening!

November 4, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Decisions 2014

Voter Lookup

 

Feel free to write my name for any office that has candidates that you do not want to vote for.  You shouldn’t be limited to those on the ballot.  Just make sure that my name is spelled correctly so it counts.

AHMNODT – A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters.

HEARE – Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic.

 

November 3, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, humor | , , | Comments Off on Voter Lookup

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