Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

What Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize Really Means

Many people are baffled as to why President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.  We are still in Afghanistan and in Iraq.  We are threatening war with Iran and to invade Pakistan.  I am not baffled because I know the hidden meaning.

This is the meaning:  It is the Nobel Prize committee’s way to promote “Orgies for Abstinence.”  They don’t currently have an award for Abstinence (or for Orgies), but they are showing their concept of Orgies for Abstinence by giving their Peace Prize to somebody who has headed two wars since he became President and may get our troops into more skirmishes.

I did not think I had a chance to win a Nobel Peace Prize based on my position with Canada.  My war would have been smaller than the wars we are in now.  It seems you don’t have to promote peace to win a Peace Prize.  Feel free to nominate me for the next Nobel Peace Prize.

October 9, 2009 Posted by | Afghanistan, Ahmnodt, campaign, change, commentary, editorial, humor, Iraq, issues, Obama, satire, War | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why I am an Independent

People often ask me why I am running for President as an Independent and not as a Republican or a Democrat. They often claim that I do not have a chance because I do not belong to either party.

Some reasons why I am not a Republican:

  • War: Republicans love to declare war on everybody (as long as their children don’t have to fight.) I believe war should be limited to the most extreme circumstances. (Like Canada.) They also believe that a soldier should be a soldier 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I believe a soldier should only have to be a soldier from 9AM to 5PM from Monday through Friday. They should have weekends and holidays off like everybody else.
  • Surveillance: Republicans believe that we should be spying on anybody who can be considered a national threat. I think that surveillance equipment should only be used on the hottest women and only in showers and bedrooms.

Some reasons why I am not a Democrat:

  • Bailouts: Democrats believe that we should bailout existing companies who are in trouble as a way to create jobs. I believe these are the last companies to go to for job creation. I have stated in the past that bailouts are better suited to go to companies who are either financially sound or no longer exist.
  • Health Care: Democrats believe that government should play a role by helping pay for health care for people who can’t afford it. I believe the way to make health care affordable is by cutting costs. I am a proponent of prevention. The only role government should play in health care is planting apple trees everywhere. An apple a day will keep the doctor away, thus saving on trips to the doctor.

The vision for America that Democrats and Republicans have is too different for me to join either party. I believe that I am not the only person who feels this way towards both parties. This is why I am running as an Independent.

October 7, 2009 Posted by | Afghanistan, Ahmnodt, Bailout, campaign, commentary, Democrats, economy, editorial, health care, humor, Iraq, issues, politics, Republicans, satire, War | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Think Tanks

People seem to think that a presidential candidate needs to consult a “think tank” to look presidential.  These think tanks are supposed to solve all of the world problems.  Not only do they not solve problems, they create problems that would not have existed otherwise.  “Global Warming” never existed before think tanks came into existence.  Iran didn’t think of us as the “Great Satan” until these “think tanks” suggested sending people into Iran to control their politics.

You might be thinking I want to get rid of think tanks.  I do not.  I just want think tanks to have people in them who think.  This is why I am looking to start an online “think tank”.  We can weed out the bad stuff that don’t work like “fighting for peace” and work on solutions like disarming the Cinemafia and a sensible solution what to do with the Al Kaline sympathisers in Guatanamo Bay.

If you are interested in joining an online think tank, leave a comment below and you will be considered.  The candidates will be announced in a further blog posting.

June 8, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, foreign policy, humor, Iraq, satire | , , , , | 3 Comments

A Look at my Platform – War

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on war.

War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.

To the best of most people’s knowledge, Iraq had nothing to do with September 11.  They also had nothing to do with the Oklahoma City bombing, the Centennial Park bombing, or the production of “Hello Larry.”  While it can’t be proven Canada was involved in any of the forementioned actions, Canada has attacked the United States in unconventional methods.  They have tainted American entertainment.

How has Canada wrecked our entertainment?  They wrecked it by allowing their spies to infiltrate the United States and poise as “entertainers.”  William Shattner, Celiene Dion, and Anne Murray are just a few spies posing as “entertainers.”   Not all Canadian entertainers are spies, though.  Chris Farley could act.  Shania Twain can sing.  Brian Mulrooney is one hell of a comedian.

We have already tried sanctions.  We have been boycotting hockey since the 2005-2006 season.  We have flooded the Caniadian airwaves with Britney Spears and the Jonas Brothers.  None of these actions have worked.  War is the only option left.

I am not a typical “rah-rah” war guy.  I have set some rules for a war with Canada to make sure nobody gets hurt.

  • Wars shall only be fought between 9:00AM and 5:00PM Mondays through Fridays.  This will allow our troops to come home for dinner every night and weekends.  It is important to keep morale high.  There will be no fighting on holidays (American or Canadian)
  • No bombing of hockey rinks, Tim Horton’s, or curling ponds.  We don’t hate Canadians, just the Canadian government, and specifically, those agencies responsible.
  • To show that the Canadians are willing to play fair, they have promised no arctic cold fronts during the summer.

It will take a lot of work to get American entertainment back to a level of excellence.  But we will prevail and we will be entertained again.

May 20, 2009 Posted by | campaign, Canada, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, Iraq, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Frustration of Running Against an Incumbent

One would think it is easy to run against an incumbent.  All I would have to do is point out all of his flaws and show how I would do things.  I am finding out there are certain things an incumbent can do that shuts out opponents.  Such an occurance happened today.

I was originally going to surprise the troops with my presence after the Europe trip.  The problem was that my daughter’s birthday was before the trip and jury duty was after the trip.  After much planning, it was decided that today was the best day to visit the troops.

I flew to Athens last night.  this morning I took a charter flight to Baghdad, but as soon as the plane entered Iraqi air space, the plane turned around.  I asked why the plane was turning around, and the reply had to do with President Obama was going to make a surprise trip to Iraq and no other planes were allowed in the country.

There is good news to report on the campaign trail:  I have learned that Walgreen’s is pulling the Chia Obama planters off the shelf to make room for the Chia Ahmnodt planters.  They should be arriving in stores soon.

April 7, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, foreign policy, Iraq, Obama, politics | , , | Comments Off on The Frustration of Running Against an Incumbent

I Miss the Snow

I miss the snow.  I don’t mean the snow outside, I am shoveling plenty of that.)  I mean the snow that WordPress provided during the holidays.  I miss looking at snow falling from blogs while reading.  I felt as peace as I read blogs about the war in Iraq.  I felt serene reading about hockey fights. I felt placid reading endless bickering among opponents on issues.

I wish there was a way it could snow on my blog year round.  I am getting antsy reading about cease-fires and the hope of peace.

January 18, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, Iraq, issues, satire, War | , , , , | Comments Off on I Miss the Snow

Read Before Accusing Me

Iraqi journalist hurls shoes at ‘dog’ Bush.

People have been assuming that just because the shoes thrown at President Bush were a size 10, that I was the person who threw the shoes.  This is not the truth.  I don’t have shoes.  I was not in Baghdad, where the press conference took place.  And if I did have shoes, they would be more stylish than the pair thrown at President Bush.

I think the person who threw the shoes was misunderstood.  He might have gotten President Bush confused with me.  I was the candidate who wanted to walk in other people’s shoes.

December 14, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, Iraq, media, politics, satire | , , , | Comments Off on Read Before Accusing Me

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