Poll Question

President Obama is toying around with the concept of making voting mandatory.  A lot of people who currently refuse to vote do so because they do not like any of the choices and they haven’t heard of me and my ideas.

There was a poll taken last week and it needs to be returned.

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Obama the Genius

I never thought I would say this, but Barack Obama is a genius.  People (including I) have been criticizing his foreign and health care policies.  But from what I had to figure out, he has tied the two together to keep Americans safe.  Here’s how:

ISIS – Rumor has it that there are ISIS troops in Mexico and are soon to invade the United States.  Even President Obama knows that drone strikes can’t be done in the United States like they have been done in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.  And sending the troops needed to protect the border isn’t as feasible as one would think as there isn’t enough housing for all of the troops.  So how does he stop ISIS from becoming a terror nightmare?

He stops ISIS be sending Ebola patients to the border.  That’s why there are Ebola patients in Texas.  The females will be disguised as ISIS sympathizers and slip the fighters tongue and other ways to send their bodily fluids into the bodies of ISIS.  They get sick and they die.

Well played, Obama.  Well played.

ObamaCare – Worse Than I Thought

I have been a harsh critic of the Affordable Care Act (known in the streets as “ObamaCare”).  It was bad enough when I unable to keep my current plan (which was “none”).  I found out firsthand how bad ObamaCare is getting when I went to visit my doctor for what was supposed to be a routine blood sampling.

Below is the timeline of my time at the doctor’s office:  (Time entries in bold are entries spent in the office.  Other entries are before and after the visit.)

7/8/14 – 9:00PM – Finished my last snack and started fasting for the blood work.  Fasting is supposed to last twelve hours.

7/9/14 = 9:15AM – Arrive at doctor’s office for a 9:30 appointment.

7/9/14 – 9:30AM – Scheduled time of appointment

7/9 = 9:30-10:15 – Other patients with appointments between 9:30 and 10:00 arrive.

7/9 = 9:40-10:30 – Those mentioned above got to see the doctor.

7/9 = 10:45 – I finally got admitted.

7/9 – 11:00 – Health assistant starts performing total checkup.  (I had my checkup in January and was not scheduled for a checkup). Started developing a caffeine-depleted headache.

7/9 – 11:45 – Getting prepped for blood work.

7/9 – 12:00 –  Informed that my insurance will not pay for the blood work.  I decided that I would hold off on the blood work until I was sure I had the money to pay for the tests.  They took an impromptu urine sample. 

7/9 – 12:10PM – Tried to schedule another appointment.  The next free day is the middle of August. 

7/9 – 3:45PM – Received a phone call from the doctor’s office that there was a “loophole” and that there was a way that my insurance would pay for the blood work.  I was also informed that there was an opening tomorrow, but not until 3:00PM.

I now have to go through another 12-hour fast and I probably will not be able to eat or drink until at least 4:00PM.  I will probably get another headache.

Just When We Thought I Was Done

I spent New Year’s Eve at a nearby bar hoping to ring in 2014 like many other people.  The gameplan was to have a few drinks, watch the ball drop, use the men’s room and steal borrow a roll of toilet paper, and go home and sleep.  It didn’t quite go like that.

The bar was quite sparse when I was ready to ring in the New Year at 10:00AM.  I’m drinking my usual Shirley-Temple-with-a-whiskey-sour-chaser when two couples walked into the bar and sat a few stools from me.  They were quite loud, especially when it came to talking about politics.

The taller of the gentleman seemed to be smart.  He was talking about the problems with the Affordable Health Care Act that nobody else seemed to be talking about.  He mentioned that insurance might be lower for some, but having insurance was no guarantee that a given claim will be processed in the claimant’s favor. Even if the claim was accepted, most insurance policies only cover 80% of the cost of the procedure, leaving 20% to the claimant.  If a patient is going to require an extended hospital stay, he or she will still have to pay over $10,000 after the insurance pays for its portion.

The tall guy starts yelling at the other couple because they voted for Barack Obama.  He then went into a rant about there being only one candidate worth voting for and he quit.  He then explained to them about my “Apple-a-Day” health care plan and my plan to save the humpback dolphins in Lake Michigan.

I was fortunate that he did not recognize me.  I did not quit running for President; I suspended my campaign until I had the time to straighten out the personal matters in my life.  (Or until people started getting furious that I wasn’t out there campaigning.)  The good news is that I have resumed campaigning and will be making campaign stops soon.  I’ll have to put my personal life on hold (which I will do as soon as I remember to buy the batteries for my father’s “Life Alert” button.

Getting Back in the Groove

After months of delays and after running out of excuses, I have finally moved and in the process of hitting the campaign trail.  Getting to my new house was a bit of an adventure that I never want to go through again.

My GPS is old and not terribly reliable in finding the shortest distance between two points.  Wyoming is a beautiful state, but has no business on a route between New Jersey and Delaware.  I also manage to be lead on some unpaved roads.

I managed to get here late last night.  It wasn’t until after I unloaded everything this morning that I realized I had forgotten a few things.  I remembered to bring food, but none of the pots, pans, or dishes.  The on;y reason why I remembered the silverware was because I had placed them in my toiletries bag.  New Jersey is where my pots, pans, toothpaste, toothbrush, and shampoo are.  I remembered the conditioner, but I forgot why I remembered.

It’s nice to be able to walk around town wearing a Washington Redskins jersey without being heckled by a rival team’s fans whose team is currently 0-5.

I will be giving a speech tomorrow on the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare) and why nobody seems to be able to afford it.  Coffee and pastries will be served (but you will have to pay for the coffee and pastries you consume because that is how the diner operates.)

King Ahmnodt I

I have run into some difficulty in my latest attempt to run for President.  While people have shown overwhelming enthusiasm for my platform, there hasn’t been enough people.  While I continue to lead Presidential candidates in the quality of support, it hasn’t turned to the quantity of support (votes).

Another problem I am having is that 2016 is a long time away (By 2016, I really mean January 20, 2017 – the day I would take office).  It’s a short time to get a quality campaign capable of winning a nationwide election without spending a dime.  It’s an eternity for Obama to mess up things more than they already more and making it impossible for anybody (even me) to clean up all of his messes in only four years.

A true leader takes matters into his own hands.  This is why I have declared myself “King of the United States of America”.  I am not going to be a power-hungry king.  The only immediate action I am taking as King is to have Canadian Spy Justin Bieber deported to Canada where he belongs.

Some of you might remember that I have been a harsh critic of royalty in recent years.  Below is a video of a tweet I had tweeted that was read on WPIX in New York:

It seems that America is hungry for a King.  The news and social networks have been talking about nothing but the birth of a royal baby all day.  This royal baby born today isn’t even American royalty.  We need American royalty to help fix this country.  I am honored to have selected myself to be the first American King.

You Should Have Voted For Me

Benghazi. IRS. Fast and Furious.  These are just a few scandals currently swirling around President Obama and his administration.  Mitt Romney is living a private life.  This makes it hard to find out what scandalous plans he has cooked up.  2008 Republican candidate John McCain was in Syria to give support to Al-Qaeda  Syrian rebels after showing support to Al-Qaeda rebels during the Libyan uprising.

Unlike the candidates from the other parties, my scandals did not kill innocent lives.  They didn’t even kill guilty lives.  My scandals were limited to being hooked on phonics, my inability to find a Constitutionally eligible running mate in 2008, and buying pot brownies.

People tend to vote for glitz over substance.  They think it’s more important that a president is tall than is able to properly use “your” and “you’re” in a sentence.  They’d rather vote for someone with a twinkle in their eye than for someone with a tinkle on the toilet seat.  They would rather vote for a buffoon who looks astute than for a genius who looks mentally challenged.

Remember this blog entry when you vote in 2016.  Before you vote for that stud or hottie, remember that their scandals can kill.  I would suggest that you vote for me.  My scandals are safer,