Snag on the Trail

I was all set to head up to Dixville Notch to start campaigning in New Hampshire.  Everything was set – I had some money, my dog, and a handmade “Dixville Notch” sign for hitchhiking.  The phone rang and while I was on the phone, someone smashed the front window and began to climb in.  The dog’s bark was too loud and continuous to continue the phone conversation (It turned out to be a wrong number),  The person who broke in was lying on the floor, barely able to move.

While the ambulance was on the way, I walked around the intruder, reached for his wallet, and took his money..  I felt bad as he only had seven dollars for me to take.    The money was replaced with a carefully folded brochure I had left over from the 2008 campaign.

There was still the broken window that had to be fixed.  The local window repair company was busy and could not come until Monday at the earliest.  Fortunately, a neighbor owns a windshield repair company and was able to replace the window with a tinted windshield.

I tried to leave again, but the dog was too tired from all of the commotion.  He wouldn’t even move for his “good-boy” treat.  He just stayed on the recliner and refused to move.  He stayed in the chair after he went potty.

If you are looking for a slightly used recliner, please give me a call at your earliest convenience and I will sell it for you at a reasonable cost.

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Not So Fast!

I have been the victim of the latest rumor going around the internet:

Rumors of presidential candidate Ahmnodt Heare’s death will hopefully be silenced.

My whereabouts the last two weeks:

July 18-20 – New York campaign trip:  Never hire an anarchist to be your campaign manager if you can help it.  The only reason why I did was because he works for free (which is about all I can afford.)  He got the dates and the venues mixed up.  The one bright spot was when a supporter recognized me and said that he voted for me.

July 21 – Chester, PA – Car died:  It had rained Sunday and I drove with my headlights on, only forgetting to turn them off when I got out of the car.

July 22-26 – Seaford, DE:  I was running my business so I can buy luxuries like food and clean underwear.

July 27-29 – Annapolis, MD – I was driving on my way to Baltimore for a dinner date when my car ran out of gas.  It was soon afterwards that I realized that I left my wallet at home and had no money for gas. (Or date, toll bridge on the way back, or the spotted dick pudding my mother wanted me to pick up on my way home.  My cell phone died when I tried to call home.  It took a few days to find a Good Samaritan.

July 30-August 2 – Seaford, DE: Some work and some rest.

August 3 -Nanticoke River (near Seaford, DE):  I went rafting in an inflatable raft.  While my raft did collide with another inflatable raft, there were no injuries nor was there any damage to either raft.

August 4 – Seaford, DE: Trying to convince people who were paying their last respects that I was indeed still alive and not a clever campaign strategy to campaign to dead people by being dead.

I am alive.  I am a bit tired, but well.  Tomorrow will be spent looking for finding places for meet-and-greets in southern Delaware and eastern Maryland (East of the Chesapeake Bay.)

ObamaCare – Worse Than I Thought

I have been a harsh critic of the Affordable Care Act (known in the streets as “ObamaCare”).  It was bad enough when I unable to keep my current plan (which was “none”).  I found out firsthand how bad ObamaCare is getting when I went to visit my doctor for what was supposed to be a routine blood sampling.

Below is the timeline of my time at the doctor’s office:  (Time entries in bold are entries spent in the office.  Other entries are before and after the visit.)

7/8/14 – 9:00PM – Finished my last snack and started fasting for the blood work.  Fasting is supposed to last twelve hours.

7/9/14 = 9:15AM – Arrive at doctor’s office for a 9:30 appointment.

7/9/14 – 9:30AM – Scheduled time of appointment

7/9 = 9:30-10:15 – Other patients with appointments between 9:30 and 10:00 arrive.

7/9 = 9:40-10:30 – Those mentioned above got to see the doctor.

7/9 = 10:45 – I finally got admitted.

7/9 – 11:00 – Health assistant starts performing total checkup.  (I had my checkup in January and was not scheduled for a checkup). Started developing a caffeine-depleted headache.

7/9 – 11:45 – Getting prepped for blood work.

7/9 – 12:00 –  Informed that my insurance will not pay for the blood work.  I decided that I would hold off on the blood work until I was sure I had the money to pay for the tests.  They took an impromptu urine sample. 

7/9 – 12:10PM – Tried to schedule another appointment.  The next free day is the middle of August. 

7/9 – 3:45PM – Received a phone call from the doctor’s office that there was a “loophole” and that there was a way that my insurance would pay for the blood work.  I was also informed that there was an opening tomorrow, but not until 3:00PM.

I now have to go through another 12-hour fast and I probably will not be able to eat or drink until at least 4:00PM.  I will probably get another headache.

Why I Have to Run for President

I was hoping that I would not have to run for President in 2016.  My life is getting more hectic as my parents’ health conditions are not getting better, my daughter and her mother are getting ready to move away, and the local “Hello Kitty” fan club is getting chaotic due to the lack of a fan club president.

The sad truth is that America is in bad shape now, and will continue to get worse if any for the popular candidates considering a run for president ends up getting elected.  Hillary Clinton isn’t going to fix anything.  Neither will Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, or Rand Paul.  they will just continue the same debacle of a plan that America has been on since George W. Bush took office in 2001.  America will soon cease to exist as we know it if any of these people get elected.  They all would continue to carry out the same policies that George W. Bush and Barack Obama have carried out.  My platform is refreshingly different.

We cannot continue to have our police harass the good people when there are so many bad people who need to be arrested.  People like drug dealers, hoodlums, and hipsters need to be taken off the streets and into a jail that doesn’t have internet.  The system that the government uses to calculate inflation has to change to a system that includes the prices of things that go up.  Otherwise, you end up with what we have now.  (“Low” inflation based on the cost of merchandise at Dollar Tree.)

We need a foreign policy that discourages the knee-jerk reaction of bringing the troops all over the world to intervene in every situation.  Our wars have to be few, brief, and fiscally responsible.  They also have to be fought as humanely as possible.

The IRS needs to be taken out of health care, day care, and lemonade stands.  The TSA needs to be taken out of airports and replaced with massage therapists.  The FDA has to be told that cell phones are neither a food nor a drug and that cell phones shouldn’t have to meet FDA guidelines.

I am running for President because I want an America that I, my child, your children, and Nadia Suleman’s children can live in without fear of government becoming bankrupt either fiscally or morally and can plan a better lives for their children and grandchildren.

 

I Have to Speak Out

Despite my personal life getting complicated, I have been able to hit the campaign trail.  There is a growing dislike of Canadians from everybody that I talk to.  The hatred started building last month when US government officials were contemplating taking my advice and deporting Canadian spy Justin Bieber.  It built up a bit more last week when Canada’s men’s and women’s hockey teams beat their American counterparts in the men’s semifinals and the women’s gold medal games, respectively.

The final straw has come this week with Canada invading American air space with their “Operation Polar Vortex”.  I am convinced that this is a directive given out by Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  I have decided not to wait until “President” Obama decides he is going to do something.  The planning stages are already underway for what I am calling, “Operation Gulf Melt” aimed at Canadian curling rinks.  Anybody can roll a stone on ice, but it takes American talent to skip a stone on water.

I am currently having difficulties finding a place to host my radio and television shows podcasts.  My father doesn’t like it that I have taken to yelling and my mother keeps a bar of Safeguard nearby.  They are both doing better, but neither able to live alone.

I will be in Delmar (either Delaware or Maryland – I forget which one, though the two Delmars do border each other.) campaigning this Friday and Saturday.  I hope to see you there!

Sneaking Up on Me

Election Day is less than a month away.  I hadn’t given it much thought because I moved within a month of Election Day and am ineligible to vote.  I’m not running for office this year, so there isn’t this “last-minute” campaigning that I usually do when after four years of campaigning I am still polling in the single digits.  (By “single-digits”, I mean single-digits of votes and not percentage of votes.)

For those who are new to the campaign, “Orgies for Abstinence” is a movement I started in 2009.  This event takes place twice a year.  The first one occurs the Friday after Easter.  This allows people who swore off abstinence for Lent to get back to their ways.  The second happens on Election Night.  This allows Americans feel what is like being a politician feels towards the people.  “Orgies for Abstinence” is just like fighting for peace.  Since politicians love the latter, it should make sense that they would like the former.

I haven’t planned an “Orgies for Abstinence” and it is unlikely that I will be able to plan one with the awesomeness that people expect from my Orgies for Abstinence campaigns.  I do plan on partaking on the festivities providing there is one happening on the Delmarva peninsula.  There is too much happening in my personal life (Taking care of my parents, looking for a business niche to fill, walking the dog every day, and finding a dominatrix who uses safe words I can pronounce.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I still have to mud through some mud, but I will be in full campaign mode by mid-May.  You will know I am back in stride when the following happen:

• I’m back to blogging every day and not on days that end with “day.”  
• My podcast will be back on a weekly basis.
• I will be interviewed by either Rachel Maddow or that guy with a nervous twitch.

There are some things I have to finalize before I can move.  It did not help that I had the bubonic  plague a severe lung infection or the last two weeks.  Another recent development is that the move to Maryland is now the move to Delaware.

I will try my darndest in the meantime to chime in when relevant news happens and when I have a free moment.  My return is inevitable.  My return is soon.