Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Ahmnodt the Speed Demon

I now have a blemish to my record.  I was given a speeding ticket today.  I was driving 27 miles per hour in a 15 mile-per-hour zone.  There goes my lifelong dream of becoming a school bus driver.

I also received a ticket for running a stop sign.  That ticket should be easy to beat since there was no stop sign at the place I allegedly didn’t stop.  (Thanks to Howie for removing that sign for me.)

It’s a warm day here and will continue to be seasonably warm for quite some time with copious amounts of rain tomorrow and Sunday.  I am suspending the encouragement of global warming now that I can feel my hands again.

Should I have told the police officer that I wasn’t speeding, but “qualifying”?  I figured since there are bumping stickers that say, “I’m not tailgating, I’m drafting”, then I could have my own NASCAR reference to a driving infraction.

With three or four inches of rain expected this weekend, I doubt the town will be sending out the drought notices until at least Wednesday.  At least it isn’t snow.  My shoulder still hurts from the inch I had to shovel on Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

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March 28, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Catching Up in Politics

I’m back before I miss too much going on and have to spend an entire weekend blogging.  President Obama is in a heap of trouble.  I will make my endorsement for New York City mayor tonight.

Between “Benghazigate”, The IRS fiasco, an the AP wiretapping mess, you’re probably regretting not voting for me for President last November.  I forgive you.  Just remember this entry in 2016 before you vote for one of the poor choices the Republicans and Democrats will be nominating.  Below is how I would have prevented Obama’s scandals from becoming scandals in an Ahmnodt Heare administration:

Benghazigate: – I wouldn’t have allowed a consulate office to be opened in Benghazi.  This is because like so many other Americans, I never heard of Benghazi before the diplomats were killed.  I would have kept them in Tripoli as long as it was safe.  If it got too risky to stay, I would have gotten the navy to pick them up and ship them across the Mediterranean Sea to Italy.

The IRS: – The IRS has supposedly been targeting certain non-profit organizations that were against the Obama Administration.  To the best of my knowledge, TAMPON (Take All Money Political Out Now) was not targeted because they were considered to be more pro-Ahmnodt Heare and less anti-Barack Obama.  This probably includes businesses that did not make profits because of the Obama administration’s poor fiscal policies.  My policies would make businesses prosper and leave non-profits alone as they don’t make enough money to interest me.

AP Wiretapping: – I don’t know why anybody would wiretap the Associated Press.  The news has sucked for years now.  I don’t know of any stories that were negative against the White House until lately.  I wouldn’t wiretap anybody because I wouldn’t want to get caught.

I have spent some time thinking about who I should endorse for Mayor.  The problem is that I have two friends of my campaign running for mayor.  Jimmy McMillan is one candidate.  Though he hasn’t endorsed my campaign, I agree with him when he says the rent is too damned high.  Anthony Weiner and I don’t see eye-to-eye on all of the issues, but that did not stop him from endorsing me last year. 

The person I am endorsing for mayor doesn’t currently live in New York City, but he had worked in Gotham for years.  He has fought crime better than any of the other candidates.  While he doesn’t currently live in New York, he is currently a mayor of a small town in Rhode Island.  He has had to battle issues like stolen water and sewage dumping, so he is ready to serve the fine people of New York City.

 

Adam West for Mayor of New York City

Adam West for Mayor of New York City

 

May 22, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, economy, editorial, endorsement, foreign policy, humor, issues, Obama, politics, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Catching Up in Politics

Observations on Recent Events

I spent most of today trying to catch up on what has been happening in the news since Election Day.  I haven’t watched the news because I have been vacationing and I had custody of my daughter for most of the last week.  Below is my synopsis of some recent events:

  • Colorado and Washington legalizing marijuana for recreational use –  I support this and on the surface this is good news.  There is bad news and I will explain that later.
  • Petraeusgate – Former CIA Director David Petraeus resigned following a much-publicized sex scandal.  My campaign could use publicity like that.  I am not below admitting that I can use the sex.
  • Israel vs. Hamas and the Palestinians – I have received heat for what I am about to say in the past, but it bears repeating.  The United States should not get involved in the conflict until the Canadian dilemma is settled.  Canadian spies like William Shatner, Celine Dion, and Justin Bieber infiltrating and sabotaging the Great American Entertainment Industry must be deported and American entertainment must be restored to its greatness.
  • Hostess Closing Down – This is bad news on many levels.  I blame the marketing team for the folding of the company.  While it is easy to blame the management for being overpaid or the unions for wanting too much, I blame the marketing team for undervaluing their products.  I would have sold Twinkees at 40% higher than the suggested retail price.  They were at least that much better than Little Debbie’s.  Legalizing marijuana just isn’t the same withoout munching on Twinkees or Ho-Ho’s.

Tonight is my last night in Virginia Beach.  I head to my parents’ home in Washington, DC tomorrow for Thanksgiving week and head home Friday afternoon.

November 18, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire, scandal, War | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Observations on Recent Events

2012 NFL Season – Week 11

Last Week:8-6 (.573) Best Bets: 2-1 (.667)
Season to Date: 67-78-1 (.462) Best Bets: 14-15-1 (.483)

Too little – too late.  I realized I picked a bad weekend to go to Virginia because the Redskins had a bye and I couldn’t watch them on TV regardless of where I was,

One non-football related note:  You can tell I did not win the election because suddenly people want to secede from the Union.(And Puerto wants to join.)

Another non-football note:  Former CIA Director David Petraeus should be applauded for showing how a sex scandal is supposed to work.  This is compelling me to look for a woman to marry so I can cheat on her with a hottie.  The media will get a hold of the story and give the campaign the publicity it deserves needs.

Now on to football and the winning picks:

Date & Time Favorite Spread Underdog
11/15 8:25 ET At Buffalo -2.5 Miami
11/18 1:00 ET At Washington -3.5 Philadelphia
11/18 1:00 ET Green Bay -3.5 At Detroit
11/18 1:00 ET At Atlanta -10 Arizona
11/18 1:00 ET Tampa Bay -1.5 At Carolina
11/18 1:00 ET At Dallas -8 Cleveland
11/18 1:00 ET At St. Louis -3.5 NY Jets
11/18 4:25 ET At New England -9 Indianapolis
11/18 1:00 ET At Houston -15.5 Jacksonville
11/18 1:00 ET Cincinnati -3.5 At Kansas City
11/18 4:05 ET New Orleans -5 At Oakland
11/18 4:25 ET At Denver -7.5 San Diego
11/18 8:30 ET Baltimore -3.5 At Pittsburgh

   Monday Night Football Point Spread

11/19 8:40 ET At San Francisco -4.5 Chicago

November 15, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, media, NFL Picks, satire, scandal | , , , , | Comments Off on 2012 NFL Season – Week 11

Ahmnodt Heare! Ahmnodt Heare!

The rumor I am hearing from supporters in Charlotte is that the reason why President Obama’s nomination speech was moved from Bank of America Stadium to the Time Warner Cable Arena is because over 1,000 of my supporters were able to get tickets and they were going to let their voices heard tonight.   They were also able to sneak “Ahmnodt Heare for President” signs into the stadium and had them in storage at the stadium until a Democratic Part operative spotted the signs during a security walk-through.  They caught a supporter impersonating a security worker try to put more signs into storage.  That supporter then spilled the beans about the operation.

Most of them had their tickets between the 20-and 40 yard lines on the far half of the field from the stage.  They were ready to chant “AHMNODT HEARE!” when the Democratic faithful would chant “FOUR MORE YEARS!”.  They even said they were trying to hack into the stadium television screens to have my picture posted while President Obama made his speech.

I had no prior knowledge of the actions of my supporters nor do I tolerate breaking of laws to get the message across.  Make no mistake about it, I am nonetheless deeply flattered.

There are two reasons why this wasn’t mentioned in the news:  The first reason is because the media doesn’t want to give my campaign any publicity.  If the news ever mentioned that there was a candidate besides Obama and Romney running for President, people would be typing in that candidate’s name in search engines.  People have heard of Roseanne Barr, but most people didn’t know she was running for President until they typed her name in a search engine.  She and Cindy Sheehan are running on the “Peace and Freedom” ticket.

For those of you who found this blog entry by typing in “Roseanne Barr”, “Cindy Sheehan”, or “Reince Priebus Drunk”. welcome to my website.  Be sure to check out my platform, videos, and the celebrities who have endorsed me.

September 6, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Democrats, election, endorsement, humor, media, Obama, Platform, politics, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Ahmnodt Heare! Ahmnodt Heare!

Allegations Confronted

The pressure is on the Obama and Romney campaigns.  They and their supporters have stopped at nothing to try to smear my campaign. Below are the allegations followed by the truth:

  • Ahmnodt Heare has been using performance-enhancing drugs – This is utterly false.  Polls from Reuters, Fox News, NBC, CBS, NY Times, The Onion, Wall Street Journal, and others both show Obama and Romney with substantial leads over everybody else.  I am not even mentioned in these polls.  If I was using these drugs, I would at least appear as a blip in the polls.
  • Ahmnodt Heare plans to buy a majority share in Diebold – If I had that kind of money, I would have spent it on ads and election officials.  Diebold is a multi-billion dollar company who does not accept Marlboro Miles as currency.
  • Ahmnodt Heare is planning an “October Surprise” – Well, duh!  Every campaign has an October surprise or two that they will use late in October to try to cripple opponents.  I will release mine on October 30.  (If I remember.)
  • Ahmnodt Heare has been registering dead people to vote – What I have done is not registering dead people to vote.  What I have been doing is getting dead people to get themselves to register to vote.   Many of the recently deceased are already registered to vote and now need only to show up to vote.

I will address other allegations as they develop.  (Except for the embarrassing moment I had with a mannequin in the dressing room at Kohl’s. – I dismiss that as a “youthful indiscretion” as I was younger last weekend than I am now.)

August 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Allegations Confronted

A Good Sex Scandal is Hard to Come By

One would have figured with the frequency I attend nudie bars that I would have been caught up in a sex scandal by now.  Or that a lonely housewife would have been attracted by my presidential appeal and would want to get involved in a little something-something while her husband was at work.

Albee Thayer suggested I hire a prostitute.  There are a couple problems with that approach.  The first problem is that it’s illegal in every state except Nevada.  The other problem is that I only want the sex so I can get caught in a scandal that would give my campaign publicity, it would mean that i would be spending money on my campaign.  I refuse to spend money on my campaign.

I don’t want to make it look like I am trolling for women for sex.  (Even though I am.)  I tried asking for booty pics until my campaign manager advised against it, citing that I look more like a dirty old man than a presidential candidate.  I was going to send pictures of myself, but we all know what happened when former Congressman Anthony Weiner sent his pics to women.

I won’t be campaigning during the week this week.  I will be spending this weekend in Delaware and next weekend in Rhode Island as I resume my “Three Electoral State Blitz” and try to win the election with winning the three and four electoral states, New Jersey, and New York.

June 12, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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