Unexpected Consequenses

Everything a person does has residual effects.  This can be good or bad, depending on the circumstance.  “Orgies for Abstinence II” accomplished a lot of good at the one I attended as many people were taught the benefits of abstinence.  There was one that did not go quite as well.

My mother recently decided to be more supportive in my campaign for 2012 than she was in 2008.  (She voted for Obama.)  My mother (along with my father) planned an “Orgies for Abstinence” at the seniors’ center near their home.  It got them in oodles of trouble.  Most of this was because of the staff that misunderstood that the reason for their orgy was to promote abstinence.  It didn’t help that my parents forgot to bring the abstinence materials with them.

They set up the orgy without an incident.  Approximately ten minutes into it, the seniors’ center’s director walked in and ended it.  My parents are now barred from the center for life.

The next official “Orgies for Abstinence” is not until Election Day, though there may be several unofficial events as it has taken off due to its popularity.  If you need any materials for abstinence for your orgy, please e-mail me or call me at (507)-AHMNODT.  If you must have an orgy at a senior center, a church, or a day care center, please make sure you have these materials handy.

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2009 in Review (Part 2)

This review will cover April through June.  I found myself being more of a political activist towards causes I believe in. I also offered a comprehensive plan to stop foreclosures.

May was a month where I expanded my thought process.  I came up with a detailed plan to help seniors and went into deeper detail on my entire platform.

June was bad month personally.  I got burned out and joined an ashram.  June was also the last time I hosted my radio show.  I will resume the radio show in January (weather permitting).

Why I Should Have Been Elected

Every once in a while (although lately it seems to be frequently), I come across a news story that shows Americans acting as if I won the election.  AT the very least, they are not waiting until I am elected to enact my policy on senior citizens.

The dog food is enjoying higher food sales despite tough economic times.  The news article claims that it is because more people have dogs.  The dog population did not increase that much.  What has increased is the number of people who have become senior citizens.

Human food has shot up over the last two years.  People on a fixed income cannot afford the increased prices, so they resort to dog food.  This is especially true among seniors.  As the economy worsens, more seniors will be eating dog food.

If this was a case of people caring more about their pets, then there would have been an increase in the sales of chew toys and bones.  This does not appear to be the case.  While many seniors can be seen buying dog food, few seniors are seen with dogs.

Between this story and the arrest of Cinemafioso Roman Polanski, people have embraced my platform.  By electing me for President in 2012, it will become easier to enact the rest of my platform.

President’s Health Care Speech With Comments

NOTE: To read the speech transcript without comments, click here.

Madame Speaker, Vice President Biden, Members of

Congress, and the American people:

When I spoke here last winter, this nation was facing the

worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We were

losing an average of 700,000 jobs per month. Credit was

frozen. And our financial system was on the verge of

collapse.

As any American who is still looking for work or a way to

pay their bills will tell you, we are by no means out of

the woods. A full and vibrant recovery is many months

away. And I will not let up until those Americans who

seek jobs can find them; until those businesses that seek

capital and credit can thrive; until all responsible

homeowners can stay in their homes. That is our ultimate

goal. But thanks to the bold and decisive action we have

taken since January, I can stand here with confidence and

say that we have pulled this economy back from the brink.

I thought this speech was about health care.

I want to thank the members of this body for your efforts

and your support in these last several months, and

especially those who have taken the difficult votes that

have put us on a path to recovery. I also want to thank

the American people for their patience and resolve during

this trying time for our nation.

But we did not come here just to clean up crises. We came

to build a future. So tonight, I return to speak to all

of you about an issue that is central to that future –

and that is the issue of health care.

I am not the first President to take up this cause, but I

am determined to be the last. It has now been nearly a

century since Theodore Roosevelt first called for health

care reform. And ever since, nearly every President and

Congress, whether Democrat or Republican, has attempted

to meet this challenge in some way. A bill for

comprehensive health reform was first introduced by John

each session.

Dingell Sr. in 1943. Sixty-five years later, his son

continues to introduce that same bill at the beginning of

I understand the Dingell’s made their fortune in the berry business.  Personally, I don’t like Dingell’s berries.  If I may be so frank, they taste like crap.

Our collective failure to meet this challenge – year

after year, decade after decade – has led us to a

breaking point. Everyone understands the extraordinary

hardships that are placed on the uninsured, who live

every day just one accident or illness away from

bankruptcy. These are not primarily people on welfare.

These are middle-class Americans. Some can’t get

insurance on the job. Others are self-employed, and can’t

afford it, since buying insurance on your own costs you

three times as much as the coverage you get from your

employer. Many other Americans who are willing and able

to pay are still denied insurance due to previous

illnesses or conditions that insurance companies decide

are too risky or expensive to cover.

Health insurance wouldn’t be so expensive if everything else in the health care industry wasn’t so expensive.

We are the only advanced democracy on Earth – the only

wealthy nation – that allows such hardships for millions

of its people. There are now more than thirty million

American citizens who cannot get coverage. In just a two

year period, one in every three Americans goes without

health care coverage at some point. And every day, 14,000

Americans lose their coverage. In other words, it can

happen to anyone.

But the problem that plagues the health care system is

not just a problem of the uninsured. Those who do have

insurance have never had less security and stability than

they do today. More and more Americans worry that if you

move, lose your job, or change your job, you’ll lose your

health insurance too. More and more Americans pay their

premiums, only to discover that their insurance company

has dropped their coverage when they get sick, or won’t

pay the full cost of care. It happens every day.

Why get insurance if there is no security?  It’s like buying a boat with holes in the bottom because the holes are symetrical.

One man from Illinois lost his coverage in the middle of

chemotherapy because his insurer found that he hadn’t

reported gallstones that he didn’t even know about. They

delayed his treatment, and he died because of it. Another

woman from Texas was about to get a double mastectomy

when her insurance company canceled her policy because

she forgot to declare a case of acne. By the time she had

her insurance reinstated, her breast cancer more than

doubled in size. That is heart-breaking, it is wrong, and

no one should be treated that way in the United States of

America.

What is the name of the insurance company?  I want to make sure it’s not my insurance company.

Then there’s the problem of rising costs. We spend one-

and-a-half times more per person on health care than any

other country, but we aren’t any healthier for it. This

is one of the reasons that insurance premiums have gone

up three times faster than wages. It’s why so many

employers – especially small businesses – are forcing

their employees to pay more for insurance, or are

dropping their coverage entirely. It’s why so many

aspiring entrepreneurs cannot afford to open a business

in the first place, and why American businesses that

compete internationally – like our automakers – are at a

huge disadvantage. And it’s why those of us with health

insurance are also paying a hidden and growing tax for

those without it – about $1000 per year that pays for

somebody else’s emergency room and charitable care.

Finally, our health care system is placing an

unsustainable burden on taxpayers. When health care costs

grow at the rate they have, it puts greater pressure on

programs like Medicare and Medicaid. If we do nothing to

slow these skyrocketing costs, we will eventually be

spending more on Medicare and Medicaid than every other

government program combined. Put simply, our health care

problem is our deficit problem. Nothing else even comes

close.

I guess when you’re President, you get to go to movies for free and paying $10 for a popcorn and a small coke doesn’t bother you as much.

These are the facts. Nobody disputes them. We know we

must reform this system. The question is how.

There are those on the left who believe that the only way

to fix the system is through a single-payer system like

Canada’s, where we would severely restrict the private

insurance market and have the government provide coverage

for everyone.

Look at what Canada had done to our entertainment industry.  William Shatner, Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and others have eroded a once awesome entertainment industry.  And to add insult to industry, entertainment prices keep spirialing upwards to help defray the cost caused by thee damage of Canadian infiltration.

On the right, there are those who argue

that we should end the employer-based system and leave

individuals to buy health insurance on their own.

I like this plan, but I think it is poetic justice that employers offer insurance because some of my ex-employers made me sick.

I have to say that there are arguments to be made for

both approaches. But either one would represent a radical

shift that would disrupt the health care most people

currently have. Since health care represents one-sixth of

our economy, I believe it makes more sense to build on

what works and fix what doesn’t, rather than try to build

an entirely new system from scratch. And that is

precisely what those of you in Congress have tried to do

over the past several months.

How?

During that time, we have seen Washington at its best and

its worst.

We have seen many in this chamber work tirelessly for the

better part of this year to offer thoughtful ideas about

how to achieve reform. Of the five committees asked to

develop bills, four have completed their work, and the

Senate Finance Committee announced today that it will

move forward next week. That has never happened before.

Yet they keep getting reelected…

Our overall efforts have been supported by an

unprecedented coalition of doctors and nurses; hospitals,

seniors’ groups and even drug companies – many of whom

opposed reform in the past. And there is agreement in

this chamber on about eighty percent of what needs to be

done, putting us closer to the goal of reform than we

have ever been.

But what we have also seen in these last months is the

same partisan spectacle that only hardens the disdain

many Americans have toward their own government. Instead

of honest debate, we have seen scare tactics. Some have

dug into unyielding ideological camps that offer no hope

of compromise. Too many have used this as an opportunity

to score short-term political points, even if it robs the

country of our opportunity to solve a long-term

challenge. And out of this blizzard of charges and

counter-charges, confusion has reigned.

Well the time for bickering is over. The time for games

has passed. Now is the season for action. Now is when we

must bring the best ideas of both parties together, and

show the American people that we can still do what we

were sent here to do. Now is the time to deliver on

health care.

The plan I’m announcing tonight would meet three basic

goals:

It will provide more security and stability to those who

have health insurance. It will provide insurance to those

who don’t. And it will slow the growth of health care

costs for our families, our businesses, and our

government. It’s a plan that asks everyone to take

responsibility for meeting this challenge – not just

government and insurance companies, but employers and

individuals. And it’s a plan that incorporates ideas from

Senators and Congressmen; from Democrats and Republicans

– and yes, from some of my opponents in both the primary

and general election.

Here are the details that every American needs to know

about this plan:

First, if you are among the hundreds of millions of

Americans who already have health insurance through your

job, Medicare, Medicaid, or the VA, nothing in this plan

will require you or your employer to change the coverage

or the doctor you have. Let me repeat this: nothing in

our plan requires you to change what you have.

What this plan will do is to make the insurance you have

work better for you. Under this plan, it will be against

the law for insurance companies to deny you coverage

because of a pre-existing condition. As soon as I sign

this bill, it will be against the law for insurance

companies to drop your coverage when you get sick or

water it down when you need it most. They will no longer

be able to place some arbitrary cap on the amount of

coverage you can receive in a given year or a lifetime.

We will place a limit on how much you can be charged for

out-of-pocket expenses, because in the United States of

America, no one should go broke because they get sick.

And insurance companies will be required to cover, with

no extra charge, routine checkups and preventive care,

like mammograms and colonoscopies – because there’s no

reason we shouldn’t be catching diseases like breast

cancer and colon cancer before they get worse. That makes

sense, it saves money, and it saves lives.

This means nothing, since the majority of Americans will not get small pox or malaria.

That’s what Americans who have health insurance can

expect from this plan – more security and stability.

Now, if you’re one of the tens of millions of Americans

who don’t currently have health insurance, the second

part of this plan will finally offer you quality,

affordable choices. If you lose your job or change your

job, you will be able to get coverage. If you strike out

on your own and start a small business, you will be able

to get coverage. We will do this by creating a new

insurance exchange – a marketplace where individuals and

small businesses will be able to shop for health

insurance at competitive prices.

How will I be able to afford insurance if I don’t have a job?

Insurance companies will

have an incentive to participate in this exchange because

it lets them compete for millions of new customers. As

one big group, these customers will have greater leverage

to bargain with the insurance companies for better prices

and quality coverage. This is how large companies and

government employees get affordable insurance. It’s how

everyone in this Congress gets affordable insurance. And

it’s time to give every American the same opportunity

that we’ve given ourselves.

A $140,000/year starting salary with the ability to give myself a pay raise every year is an opportunity I would like to have.

For those individuals and small businesses who still

cannot afford the lower-priced insurance available in the

exchange, we will provide tax credits, the size of which

will be based on your need. And all insurance companies

that want access to this new marketplace will have to

abide by the consumer protections I already mentioned.

This exchange will take effect in four years, which will

give us time to do it right. In the meantime, for those

Americans who can’t get insurance today because they have

pre-existing medical conditions, we will immediately

offer low-cost coverage that will protect you against

financial ruin if you become seriously ill. This was a

good idea when Senator John McCain proposed it in the

campaign, it’s a good idea now, and we should embrace it.

Does this mean we elected the wrong guy?

Now, even if we provide these affordable options, there

may be those – particularly the young and healthy – who

still want to take the risk and go without coverage.

There may still be companies that refuse to do right by

their workers. The problem is, such irresponsible

behavior costs all the rest of us money. If there are

affordable options and people still don’t sign up for

health insurance, it means we pay for those people’s

expensive emergency room visits. If some businesses don’t

provide workers health care, it forces the rest of us to

pick up the tab when their workers get sick, and gives

those businesses an unfair advantage over their

competitors. And unless everybody does their part, many

of the insurance reforms we seek – especially requiring

insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions –

just can’t be achieved.

That’s why under my plan, individuals will be required to

carry basic health insurance – just as most states

require you to carry auto insurance. Likewise, businesses

will be required to either offer their workers health

care, or chip in to help cover the cost of their workers.

There will be a hardship waiver for those individuals who

still cannot afford coverage, and 95% of all small

businesses, because of their size and narrow profit

margin, would be exempt from these requirements. But we

cannot have large businesses and individuals who can

afford coverage game the system by avoiding

responsibility to themselves or their employees.

Improving our health care system only works if everybody

does their part.

While there remain some significant details to be ironed

out, I believe a broad consensus exists for the aspects

of the plan I just outlined: consumer protections for

those with insurance, an exchange that allows individuals

and small businesses to purchase affordable coverage, and

a requirement that people who can afford insurance get

insurance.

And I have no doubt that these reforms would greatly

benefit Americans from all walks of life, as well as the

economy as a whole. Still, given all the misinformation

that’s been spread over the past few months, I realize

that many Americans have grown nervous about reform. So

tonight I’d like to address some of the key controversies

that are still out there.

Some of people’s concerns have grown out of bogus claims

spread by those whose only agenda is to kill reform at

any cost. The best example is the claim, made not just by

radio and cable talk show hosts, but prominent

politicians, that we plan to set up panels of bureaucrats

with the power to kill off senior citizens. Such a charge

would be laughable if it weren’t so cynical and

irresponsible. It is a lie, plain and simple.

I am relieved you won’t kill off seniors, but will it be as comprehensive a plan for seniors as mine?

There are also those who claim that our reform effort

will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false – the

reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are

here illegally. And one more misunderstanding I want to

clear up – under our plan, no federal dollars will be

used to fund abortions, and federal conscience laws will

remain in place.

If I declare myself an illegal alien, would that mean I wouldn’t have to be insured if I don’t want to?

My health care proposal has also been attacked by some

who oppose reform as a “government takeover” of the

entire health care system. As proof, critics point to a

provision in our plan that allows the uninsured and small

businesses to choose a publicly-sponsored insurance

option, administered by the government just like Medicaid

or Medicare.

So let me set the record straight. My guiding principle

is, and always has been, that consumers do better when

there is choice and competition. Unfortunately, in 34

states, 75% of the insurance market is controlled by five

or fewer companies. In Alabama, almost 90% is controlled

by just one company. Without competition, the price of

insurance goes up and the quality goes down. And it makes

it easier for insurance companies to treat their

customers badly – by cherry-picking the healthiest

individuals and trying to drop the sickest; by

overcharging small businesses who have no leverage; and

by jacking up rates.

Insurance executives don’t do this because they are bad

people. They do it because it’s profitable. As one former

insurance executive testified before Congress, insurance

companies are not only encouraged to find reasons to drop

the seriously ill; they are rewarded for it. All of this

is in service of meeting what this former executive

called “Wall Street’s relentless profit expectations.”

Now, I have no interest in putting insurance companies

out of business. They provide a legitimate service, and

employ a lot of our friends and neighbors. I just want to

hold them accountable. The insurance reforms that I’ve

already mentioned would do just that. But an additional

step we can take to keep insurance companies honest is by

making a not-for-profit public option available in the

insurance exchange. Let me be clear – it would only be an

option for those who don’t have insurance. No one would

be forced to choose it, and it would not impact those of

you who already have insurance. In fact, based on

Congressional Budget Office estimates, we believe that

less than 5% of Americans would sign up.

Despite all this, the insurance companies and their

allies don’t like this idea. They argue that these

private companies can’t fairly compete with the

government. And they’d be right if taxpayers were

subsidizing this public insurance option. But they won’t

be. I have insisted that like any private insurance

company, the public insurance option would have to be

self-sufficient and rely on the premiums it collects. But

by avoiding some of the overhead that gets eaten up at

private companies by profits, excessive administrative

costs and executive salaries, it could provide a good

deal for consumers. It would also keep pressure on

private insurers to keep their policies affordable and

treat their customers better, the same way public

colleges and universities provide additional choice and

competition to students without in any way inhibiting a

vibrant system of private colleges and universities.

I thought public schools were more affordable because government threw more money at public colleges.  You would have paid less if you didn’t go to Harvard.

It’s worth noting that a strong majority of Americans

still favor a public insurance option of the sort I’ve

proposed tonight. But its impact shouldn’t be exaggerated

– by the left, the right, or the media. It is only one

part of my plan, and should not be used as a handy excuse

for the usual Washington ideological battles. To my

progressive friends, I would remind you that for decades,

the driving idea behind reform has been to end insurance

company abuses and make coverage affordable for those

without it. The public option is only a means to that end

– and we should remain open to other ideas that

accomplish our ultimate goal. And to my Republican

friends, I say that rather than making wild claims about

a government takeover of health care, we should work

together to address any legitimate concerns you may have.

For example, some have suggested that that the public

option go into effect only in those markets where

insurance companies are not providing affordable

policies. Others propose a co-op or another non-profit

entity to administer the plan. These are all constructive

ideas worth exploring. But I will not back down on the

basic principle that if Americans can’t find affordable

coverage, we will provide you with a choice. And I will

make sure that no government bureaucrat or insurance

company bureaucrat gets between you and the care that you

need.

Finally, let me discuss an issue that is a great concern

to me, to members of this chamber, and to the public –

and that is how we pay for this plan.

Here’s what you need to know. First, I will not sign a

plan that adds one dime to our deficits – either now or

in the future. Period. And to prove that I’m serious,

there will be a provision in this plan that requires us

to come forward with more spending cuts if the savings we

promised don’t materialize. Part of the reason I faced a

trillion dollar deficit when I walked in the door of the

White House is because too many initiatives over the last

decade were not paid for – from the Iraq War to tax

breaks for the wealthy. I will not make that same mistake

with health care.

Where will you make the same mistake with then?

Second, we’ve estimated that most of this plan can be

paid for by finding savings within the existing health

care system – a system that is currently full of waste

and abuse. Right now, too much of the hard-earned savings

and tax dollars we spend on health care doesn’t make us

healthier. That’s not my judgment – it’s the judgment of

medical professionals across this country.And this is

also true when it comes to Medicare and Medicaid.

In fact, I want to speak directly to America’s seniors

for a moment, because Medicare is another issue that’s

been subjected to demagoguery and distortion during the

course of this debate.

It sounds like that your plan to stop waste of health care dollars is to throw dollars at the health care problem.

More than four decades ago, this nation stood up for the

principle that after a lifetime of hard work, our seniors

should not be left to struggle with a pile of medical

bills in their later years. That is how Medicare was

born. And it remains a sacred trust that must be passed

down from one generation to the next. That is why not a

dollar of the Medicare trust fund will be used to pay for

this plan.

The only thing this plan would eliminate is the hundreds

of billions of dollars in waste and fraud, as well as

unwarranted subsidies in Medicare that go to insurance

companies – subsidies that do everything to pad their

profits and nothing to improve your care. And we will

also create an independent commission of doctors and

medical experts charged with identifying more waste in

the years ahead.

These steps will ensure that you – America’s seniors –

get the benefits you’ve been promised. They will ensure

that Medicare is there for future generations. And we can

use some of the savings to fill the gap in coverage that

forces too many seniors to pay thousands of dollars a

year out of their own pocket for prescription drugs.

That’s what this plan will do for you. So don’t pay

attention to those scary stories about how your benefits

will be cut – especially since some of the same folks who

are spreading these tall tales have fought against

Medicare in the past, and just this year supported a

budget that would have essentially turned Medicare into a

privatized voucher program. That will never happen on my

watch. I will protect Medicare.

Now, because Medicare is such a big part of the health

care system, making the program more efficient can help

usher in changes in the way we deliver health care that

can reduce costs for everybody. We have long known that

some places, like the Intermountain Healthcare in Utah or

the Geisinger Health System in rural Pennsylvania, offer

high-quality care at costs below average. The commission

can help encourage the adoption of these common-sense

best practices by doctors and medical professionals

throughout the system – everything from reducing hospital

infection rates to encouraging better coordination

between teams of doctors.

Reducing the waste and inefficiency in Medicare and

Medicaid will pay for most of this plan. Much of the rest

would be paid for with revenues from the very same drug

and insurance companies that stand to benefit from tens

of millions of new customers. This reform will charge

insurance companies a fee for their most expensive

policies, which will encourage them to provide greater

value for the money – an idea which has the support of

Democratic and Republican experts. And according to these

same experts, this modest change could help hold down the

cost of health care for all of us in the long-run.

Huh?

Finally, many in this chamber – particularly on the

Republican side of the aisle – have long insisted that

reforming our medical malpractice laws can help bring

down the cost of health care. I don’t believe malpractice

reform is a silver bullet, but I have talked to enough

doctors to know that defensive medicine may be

contributing to unnecessary costs. So I am proposing that

we move forward on a range of ideas about how to put

patient safety first and let doctors focus on practicing

medicine. I know that the Bush Administration considered

authorizing demonstration projects in individual states

to test these issues. It’s a good idea, and I am

directing my Secretary of Health and Human Services to

move forward on this initiative today.

Add it all up, and the plan I’m proposing will cost

around $900 billion over ten years – less than we have

spent on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, and less than the

tax cuts for the wealthiest few Americans that Congress

passed at the beginning of the previous administration.

Most of these costs will be paid for with money already

being spent – but spent badly – in the existing health

care system. The plan will not add to our deficit. The

middle-class will realize greater security, not higher

taxes. And if we are able to slow the growth of health

care costs by just one-tenth of one percent each year, it

will actually reduce the deficit by $4 trillion over the

long term.

This is the plan I’m proposing. It’s a plan that

incorporates ideas from many of the people in this room

tonight – Democrats and Republicans. And I will continue

to seek common ground in the weeks ahead. If you come to

me with a serious set of proposals, I will be there to

listen. My door is always open.

But know this: I will not waste time with those who have

made the calculation that it’s better politics to kill

this plan than improve it. I will not stand by while the

special interests use the same old tactics to keep things

exactly the way they are. If you misrepresent what’s in

the plan, we will call you out. And I will not accept the

status quo as a solution. Not this time. Not now.

Everyone in this room knows what will happen if we do

nothing. Our deficit will grow. More families will go

bankrupt. More businesses will close. More Americans will

lose their coverage when they are sick and need it most.

And more will die as a result. We know these things to be

true.

Good thing the deficit didn’t get larger because you and former President Bush decided to take action on the bailout plans.

That is why we cannot fail. Because there are too many

Americans counting on us to succeed – the ones who suffer

silently, and the ones who shared their stories with us

at town hall meetings, in emails, and in letters.

I received one of those letters a few days ago. It was

from our beloved friend and colleague, Ted Kennedy. He

had written it back in May, shortly after he was told

that his illness was terminal. He asked that it be

delivered upon his death.

We need the same type of health care Ted got.

In it, he spoke about what a happy time his last months

were, thanks to the love and support of family and

friends, his wife, Vicki, and his children, who are here

tonight . And he expressed confidence that this would be

the year that health care reform – “that great unfinished

business of our society,” he called it – would finally

pass. He repeated the truth that health care is decisive

for our future prosperity, but he also reminded me that

“it concerns more than material things.” “What we face,”

he wrote, “is above all a moral issue; at stake are not

just the details of policy, but fundamental principles of

social justice and the character of our country.”

I’ve thought about that phrase quite a bit in recent days

– the character of our country. One of the unique and

wonderful things about America has always been our self-

reliance, our rugged individualism, our fierce defense of

freedom and our healthy skepticism of government. And

figuring out the appropriate size and role of government

has always been a source of rigorous and sometimes angry

debate.

For some of Ted Kennedy’s critics, his brand of

liberalism represented an affront to American liberty. In

their mind, his passion for universal health care was

nothing more than a passion for big government.

But those of us who knew Teddy and worked with him here –

people of both parties – know that what drove him was

something more. His friend, Orrin Hatch, knows that. They

worked together to provide children with health

insurance. His friend John McCain knows that. They worked

together on a Patient’s Bill of Rights. His friend Chuck

Grassley knows that. They worked together to provide

health care to children with disabilities.

On issues like these, Ted Kennedy’s passion was born not

of some rigid ideology, but of his own experience. It was

the experience of having two children stricken with

cancer. He never forgot the sheer terror and helplessness

that any parent feels when a child is badly sick; and he

was able to imagine what it must be like for those

without insurance; what it would be like to have to say

to a wife or a child or an aging parent – there is

something that could make you better, but I just can’t

afford it.

That large-heartedness – that concern and regard for the

plight of others – is not a partisan feeling. It is not a

Republican or a Democratic feeling. It, too, is part of

the American character. Our ability to stand in other

people’s shoes. A recognition that we are all in this

together; that when fortune turns against one of us,

others are there to lend a helping hand. A belief that in

this country, hard work and responsibility should be

rewarded by some measure of security and fair play; and

an acknowledgement that sometimes government has to step

in to help deliver on that promise.

This has always been the history of our progress. In

1933, when over half of our seniors could not support

themselves and millions had seen their savings wiped

away, there were those who argued that Social Security

would lead to socialism. But the men and women of

Congress stood fast, and we are all the better for it. In

1965, when some argued that Medicare represented a

government takeover of health care, members of Congress,

Democrats and Republicans, did not back down. They joined

together so that all of us could enter our golden years

with some basic peace of mind.

You see, our predecessors understood that government

could not, and should not, solve every problem. They

understood that there are instances when the gains in

security from government action are not worth the added

constraints on our freedom. But they also understood that

the danger of too much government is matched by the

perils of too little; that without the leavening hand of

wise policy, markets can crash, monopolies can stifle

competition, and the vulnerable can be exploited. And

they knew that when any government measure, no matter how

carefully crafted or beneficial, is subject to scorn;

when any efforts to help people in need are attacked as

un-American; when facts and reason are thrown overboard

and only timidity passes for wisdom, and we can no longer

even engage in a civil conversation with each other over

the things that truly matter – that at that point we

don’t merely lose our capacity to solve big challenges.

We lose something essential about ourselves.

What was true then remains true today. I understand how

difficult this health care debate has been. I know that

many in this country are deeply skeptical that government

is looking out for them. I understand that the

politically safe move would be to kick the can further

down the road – to defer reform one more year, or one

more election, or one more term.

But that’s not what the moment calls for. That’s not what

we came here to do. We did not come to fear the future.

We came here to shape it. I still believe we can act even

when it’s hard. I still believe we can replace acrimony

with civility, and gridlock with progress. I still

believe we can do great things, and that here and now we

will meet history’s test.

Because that is who we are. That is our calling. That is

our character. Thank you, God Bless You, and may God

Bless the United States of America.

While I applaud President Obama for trying to do something about health care, I believe my plan would save more money.  Instead of mandating insurance, I would mandate “an-apple-a-day” to keep the doctor away.  I would also institute the “suck-it-up” program fro real men.  Real men don’t run to the doctor every time their tummy hurts.  The only way that cutting costs works is by spending less.

A Blot on the Family Tree

It is a sad day for the Heare family.  It is with deep sorrow that I inform you what my father did.  He has been banned from the Northern Virginia Shuffleboard League because he tested positive for “performance-enhancing” drugs.  By performance-enhancing drugs, I don’t mean something like “Viagra.”  If that was the case, at least my mother would be happy.

My father tested positive for anabolic steroids when he was tested following his “record-breaking” performance in the Northern VA Shuffleboard League semi-finals.  He was an average player during the regular season with no outstanding games and no terrible games.  His performance escalated with his best performances during the playoffs and cumulated with his “record-setting” performance in the semi-finals.

He does not plan to appeal the decision and apologized to the other participants and to the league for his poor discretion.  I would like to take a moment to state that I had no prior knowledge that he played shuffleboard.

I will not be campaigning much this weekend as I recover from this ordeal.

Vacation Planning

I will be taking my first vacation since I first started running for President soon.  I will be going to Blanca Fest in Fort Garland, CO and will be spending the rest of my vacation in Saguache County.  Although there is not much to do Saguache County, I feel obligated to show my graditude to the fine people of Saguache County for electing me for their president over both Barack Obama and John McCain.

I do not know why I didn’t show my appreciation sooner.  I owe the fine people another apology as well.  I have found out that I have been pronouncing the name of their county incorrectly on my radio show.  I was pronouncing it as a Spanish word (Sah-Goo-Ah-chay).  The correct pronounciation is (Saw-WATCH) as it is an Ute Indian word meaning, “Water at Blue Earth”.

I will be staying at the Hillside Hotel in Saguache.  I will leave early that Saturday for the Blanca Fest.  For those not familiar with the Blanca Fest, it is a day of tours, a Chuck Wagon styled dinner, and bluegrass music.  I want to volunteer with the Chuck Wagon dinner because I want to make sure that senior citizens are getting the real Chuck Wagon and not the generic.

Rough Weekend

I decided this weekend that I was going to hold town-hall-style meetings.  Unlike the Democratic Senators and House members, my meeting wasn’t limited to health care.

Saturday 8/8 3:00PM – Hallion Lanes

I was  discussing my Affordabile Entertainment platform with bowlers.  I had mentioned that movies, sporting events, and concerts have become too expensive for many Americans to enjoy.  The manager of the bowling alley threw me out because he didn’t like that I was complaining about the price of entertainment.  I tried to assure him that I wasn’t including bowling as a form of entertainment that was expensive.  In fact; I was trying to convey that other forms of entertainment could learn from bowling alleys on how to keep entertainment affordable, but I was thrown out before saying it.

Saturday 8/8 8:00 PM – Oakville Seniors’ Center

I was discussing how my plan of allowing seniors to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices when an elderly man started yelling that he wanted government having no part of determining what is premium and what is generic.  I explained to him that premium dog food is generally dog food that has commercials.  He said I had no business determining what is premium and what is generic and told me to go to Hell.

Sunday 8/9 10:00AM – Bryson Park

No speeches, but I stepped in dog poo while jogging.  I went to the side and tried to scrape the poo off of my sneaker when I was hit from behind from a jogger who was texting.  I suffered a broken nose and scrapes on both of my ankles.

Sunday 7:30 PM – Vernon Cemetery

I was campaigning to the deceased, promising them I would repeal the “Death Tax”.  A woman overheard me and asked what I was talking about.  I told her I was campaigning to the deceased because I was tired of Democrats getting all of the deceased votes.  She called me a “Loony Republican”  I told her that I was an Independent who has better ideas than either Democrats or Republicans.  She laughed in my face, pinched my bandaged nose, and walked away.  If my nose wasn’t in so much pain, i would have better appreciated how she looked in khaki pants.

I’m hoping the work week isn’t as bad as the weekend was.