Poll Question

President Obama is toying around with the concept of making voting mandatory.  A lot of people who currently refuse to vote do so because they do not like any of the choices and they haven’t heard of me and my ideas.

There was a poll taken last week and it needs to be returned.

Advertisement

I Demand a Recount!

There is something wrong with the numbers. The polling as of 8:00PM Eastern shows that both Obama and Romney have over 3,000,000 votes. Somebody named Stewart Alexander is in 12th place with 313 votes. For some reason, it appears that I have fewer than 313 votes.  The one problem with a write-in campaign is that many states do not allow write-in votes.

There is a good chance that “Ahonodt Heare” will not count as a vote for me because of a typo.

I will be firing off letters to various boards of elections demanding 1) a recount and 2)that misspellings of my name should count for me.  (I am fine with “Mit Romney” counting for Mitt Romney and “Barrack Obama” for Barack Obama.)  “Ahonodt Heare” can not reasonably be counted as a vote for Obama or Romney no matter how hard you try to spin the bottle.

Guess Who I Voted For?

The photos aren’t the best quality, but it should be easy to figure out:

I will give Election Day commentary through the evening (Eastern Time) here on this blog.

Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is a big day in America.  We will be deciding which direction America will take for 2013 and beyond.  We can vote for a better future, or we can vote for Mitt Romney or Barack Obama.  It’s up to you.

You want things to get better as much as I do.  This makes me believe that you will not be voting for Obama or Romney.  Nothing they have said or done has shown that they will do anything to make entertainment affordable.  Neither candidate has been in areas affected by Hurricane Sandy since President Obama went to the Jersey Shore on Friday  (He did not see Snooki or J-Woww.) .  I have been here since the storm hit – I have been through the blackouts and the never-ending odd-day/even-day gas lines.

I really haven’t gotten to campaign in the last week due to Superstorm Sandy.  I had said previously that I had planned on holding off running in 2016 and run in 2020 instead.  If there is a sharp enough drop in the vote total from the last poll taken by my campaign, then I will run in 2016.

Remember the importance of your decision when you vote tomorrow.  Remember that spelling counts in write-in ballots and here is an easy way to learn to spell Ahmnodt Heare.  May the Congressperson and/or Senator you vote for join me in Washington so we can get things done the right way.

 

Keeping My Options Open

It might be hard to believe, but there is actually a chance that I will not be elected President of the United States.  Being the Boy Scout that I was for a week in 1987, I must be prepared for life should I not win the election.  Below are some of my options:

• Become a commissioner of a major sports league.  I have already shown how I would handle problems currently in the NFL and NHL.  I could also be a good commissioner for the NBA and Major League Baseball.
• Become a reality television star.  My life is hectic enough to make for entertaining television.  The one drawback would be that the show’s producers would have to censor by covering-the-boobies and other lady body parts when I visit the nudie bar.
• Run for Congress, Senate, Mayor, or other public office.  I am leaning against this option.  People say they want a president with experience in dealing with government.  The Democrats chose President Obama and the Republicans chose Ron Paul Mitt Romney.  Most people don’t want the experience they have in the White House, especially ObromneyCare.  This is why I chose to run despite not having political experience.
• Write that book I have been putting off writing since 1996.  I will have time after Election Day to pursue this should I not win the election, though I still think I am going to win.  The reason why I think I will win is because unlike the other candidates, the media has said nothing negative about me, my policies, or my campaign.
• I could offer myself to play the role of Christian Grey in the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie.

There are only 41 days left until Election Day.  Pick up your absentee ballot by next Friday if you haven’t done so already.  Don’t forget to help the elderly with their absentee ballots, including filling in my name for President so that they don’t have to labor with writing.

Universal Appeal

Being President of the United States means just that:  Being the President of the United States.  It’s not just leading people who pay taxes or people who don’t pay taxes.  It’s not just being the President of those who vote for me or don’t vote for me.

It is because of these things that I try to campaign to everybody and not just to the demographics who might vote for me.  While there might be a lot of strippers, exchange students, and zombies, those groups alone are not enough to get me elected.  (Though it would make Delaware very close.)

I am campaigning to bankers, librarians, doctors, and WNBA players despite the possibility that I will not receive a vote from anybody in those demographics.  I will be their President as well as everybody else’s.  I will campaign to the 53% who pay income taxes and the 47% who supposedly do not.

It is not the case that I want to be President more than I want to get laid.  It’s that America needs me to be President more than I need to breathe.  No other candidate has mentioned the ill effects that the Cinemafia has caused on American Entertainment.  None have kept a watchful eye on the Canadian government as I have.

Please forgive my desperate pleas for your votes.  It will only be for another seven weeks.

Vote Absentee!

You’re looking at the title of this blog entry and wondering why the emphasis on voting absentee.  There a few very good reasons.

The first and most important reason is because voting is an important decision.  It is more important than the many scrumptious options on the Denny’s menu.  You are deciding who gets to ruin (or save – if you vote for me) your future.

The second reason is that most people vote after work.  It seems that everybody gets to the polls to vote seconds before you do so you end up wasting hours before voting.  All absentee voting involves is filling out the ballot and mailing it in.

The third reason is that there are many different voting machines and many of them don’t have any paper to show how you vote.  With an absentee ballot, you can make a copy or scan your ballot and you can show how you voted.

The fourth reason is that you can spend time campaigning for me (as long as you are at least 101 feet away from a polling place.  Campaigning any closer is illegal.  This is what I will be doing on Election Day.

The fifth (and second most important reason) is because spelling counts.  Because my campaign is a write-in campaign, my name has to be spelled correctly.  The only acceptable spelling is AHMNODT HEARE (A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters) (Horny Elephants Are Really Erotic).  They will frown on spelling errors like Ahmndot Herae, Amnott Heer, I’m Not Here, Mitt Romney, or Barack Obama.  Voting absentee from home means you can check the spelling before mailing it in.

Don’t forget to vote for Albee Thayer for vice-president.  Remembering Heare and Thayer is half the battle in voting.  The other half is remembering Ahmnodt and Albee and which first name matches with which last name.

On Tuesday (Monday is Labor Day), contact your county (parish for those of y’all in Louisiana) board of elections and request an absentee ballot.  It will save hours of waiting on Election Day.