Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Bracket Racket

March Madness is among us.  There were 68 teams in the tournament.  There will be 16 teams remaining after tomorrow.  I had a rough go filling out a bracket last year though I did pick Kentucky to win it all.  I was going to pick Kentucky to repeat, but they didn’t make the NCAA Tournament this year.  (They were knocked out in the first round of the NIT by powerhouse Robert Morris University.

I was not about to join a bracket this season, but my campaign manager (who may or may not be alive after our next meeting) insisted I join one.  He showed me has bracket.  He had Georgetown going to the Final Four.  I grew up near Georgetown University, so I decided to join his pool and do one better:  I was going to pick Georgetown to win the whole tournament.

Georgetown lost in the first round (Actually it’s considered the second round, but eight teams play in “tip-in” games with the winners of those games advancing to the round of 64.  Georgetown did not have to play in a tip-in game.  They were the number 2 seed in the South region.  Their first game was against Florida Gulf Coast.  I am not sure, but I think Florida Gulf Coast might have been in the same conference as my alma mater (St. Thomas Francis University).  Not only did Georgetown not beat Florida Gulf Coast, but it wasn’t even close.

I now have five rounds of basketball to watch with no interest either in school or in the bracket pool.  Making matters worse is that I think the groundhog saw his shadow today and said that we will have six more weeks of winter.

Advertisements

March 23, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Bracket Racket

Potpourri

I am having a hard time spending time writing on any one subject largely due to my mother still being here.  If Mitt Romney is the “Etch-a-Sketch” candidate then I am the “Lite-Brite” candidate.  I always say the same thing, but how pretty the message us depends on the colors of the bulbs.

Global Warming – I don’t normally start fighting it until Memorial Day weekend.  I might have to start fighting it soon though.  Today’s high was 77°F (The normal high in northwestern New Jersey on March 22 is 49F°.)

Tim Tebow – For the first time since Joe Namath was a Jet, there are Jets fans west of the Delaware River.  The Jets might not make the Super Bowl even with Tebow, but people are suddenly buying Jets jerseys.  The Broncos bandwagon is now being painted green and white.

Meetings – This week’s campaign meetings were held telepathically.  I have found a Ouija board to be helpful in getting the messages that I miss.

Zombies – I am not sure they are going to be the demographic that I was hoping they would be.  It seems that the Republicans have been campaigning for their votes with the zombie vote being split between Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.  Mitt Romney is still getting the vampire vote.

NCAA Tournament – My bracket has more red ink than a federal budget.  No further comment is necessary.

I am trying to talk to my father into coming up tomorrow for the weekend.  I don’t want my mother to know that he might be coming up.  (Mom, if you’re reading this, read something else and resume at the next paragraph.)  If this works, I can get back to normal on Monday.  I have to call my father and ask him to pick up my daughter even though my daughter is afraid of him.

Mom, this is where you can resume reading.  You had no business reading the last two sentences of the previous paragraph.  I’ll be done in the morning on business.  If I finish soon enough, I will be going to Washington to pick up Patricia.

I will be doing some campaigning this weekend.  Where I campaign depends on whether my daughter is here or not.  Her ninth birthday was last weekend and I wasn’t allowed to see her so I get her this weekend.  I bought her a cell phone for her birthday so she can work the phone bank for the campaign.  She has an irresistible voice and might be able to get more people to vote for me than the zombies.

I’ll be there in a minute, Mom! …

March 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, Personal Life, Republicans, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Hitting the Road

This Thursday I will be embarking on a five-day campaign trip that will take me through Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina.  Right now the only thing that is anything near planned is a small rally in Winston-Salem.  I am open to other rallies (especially on Monday morning and afternoon.)

I might give an impromptu speech in front of the very spot where I first decided to get involved in politics in 1998 when I ran for Senate,  (I was beating John Edwards and Lauch Faircloth in polls when people found out I wasn’t eligible due to age.)

This was supposed to be part of a longer trip that would have brought me into Washington DC the following weekend for my daughter’s birthday.    While I was able to find someone who could take care of the dog for that time, I couldn’t find anybody to watch my pet ants or water my bread mold beyond Monday.  I’ll be back home Monday evening only to head to Washington that Friday.  OPEC is starting to love me.

March 4, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, Washington | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Hitting the Road

The Optimist in Me

I tend to be optimistic.  My pessimism is usually reserved to what I think will happen to the United States if I don’t become elected President this November.  But I am optimistic that this will be the last Presidents’ Day I will be celebrating as not the President until 2017 or 2021.

My optimism is not limited to my future.  I am optimistic about other things:

  • The Washington sports teams (Capitals, Nationals, and Redskins) will all win championships in the same year soon.
  • We will still be around on December 22.
  • The Cinemafia will be defeated and entertainment will become affordable again.
  • The “Ahmnodt in Sunglasses” look will be more popular than the Rick Santorum “sweater vest” look – even on winter nights.

There is a reason for my optimistic spirit.  It is because I have a history of knowing good things are going to happen.  Below are some examples:

  • Vanna White getting a star on the “Walk-of-Fame”.
  • “Friends” getting canceled.  (I never did like that show.)
  • I would make millions thousands hundreds a couple dollars running my own business.
  • I would find a diet I could stick to that would help me lose weight.  I drench my chocolate in hot sauce, which has all but abolished my cravings for chocolate and for hot sauce.

I will remain optimistic as long as good things happen.  Ideally, I would like to make the good things happen myself, but sometimes I have to rely on karma, faith, or good luck.

February 20, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire, Vanna White, Washington | , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Not Quite the Same

My father, daughter, and I arrived at CPAC at around 3:ooPM.  I missed Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney speak, but Newt Gingrich was scheduled to speak at 4:00.  My father walked around the exhibits while Patricia and I sat and listened to speeches given by people I don’t know.  We stayed mostly to make sure my father had a seat for Gingrich’s speech.

My father arrived about ten minutes before the start of the speech.  He told us that he met Mitt Romney’s campaign manager and that we were going to have dinner with Romney.  It was a bigger deal for him than it was for either me or Patricia.  My dad is a lifelong Republican and only voted for me in 2008 because Romney did not get the nomination.  Part of the reason why I am at CPAC this weekend is because I wanted to get a feel and see if anybody can beat Romney.  I wanted to listen to Newt Gingrich speak and possibly offer a critique on how he can get more Republicans to vote for him in primaries.  It’s this reason that I will refrain from using the phrase “The Newtered One” until he has either withdrawn or clinches the nomination.

After Newt’s speech, we headed back to my father’s to see if my mother wanted to join us.  (She is as staunch a Democrat as my father is a Republican.)  She had the same look I gave a college friend when he told me we were going to see Benny Hill perform in Orlando.  It turned out to be Benny Hinn.

We arrived at Founding Farmers restaurant at about 6:30.  The four of us sat at a table set for five in anticipation of our guest.  We were talking among ourselves when a short, stout, balding blond gentleman approached us.

“I believe you were waiting for me.” he said.

“Actually,” my father replied, “We’re waiting for Mitt Romney.”

“You must have misunderstood my campaign manager.  My name is Mitch Rodney and I am also running for President.”

Mitch Rodney.  I ended up going through the motions.  I had no idea what we talked about or what I ordered or ate.  Mitch Rodney.

February 11, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, politics, Republicans, satire, Washington | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Thwarted Plans

Next weekend was supposed to be my weekend to have my daughter.  But since next Saturday is Vanna White’s birthday, I could not do that.  After much discussion, it was agreed that I will have custody this weekend.  I will also have to pick her up next Sunday for the mid-winter recess.  This is not where the plans are thwarted.

My father has tickets for CPAC this weekend and Patricia and I will be with my father at CPAC.  I was hoping to be campaigning for their straw poll that will be taken towards the end of the conference.  (Here is the thwart) – voting this year will be done electronically with no provisions for write-ins.  The only way I will be able to win the straw poll is if I change my name to Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, or Rick Santorum.  (Ron Paul was not invited this year because CPAC wants somebody else to win the straw poll, even if he can’t beat Obama or me in a real election.)

I am leaving for Washington tonight.  I am thinking of moving back to the DC area.  (Too many New York Giants, Rangers, and Mets fans here in New Jersey.)  I will be looking for prices for a small two-bedroom condo to own or rent) and a small office to lease.  Below is my new business card:

Just to make it clear, the entire picture is the business card and not just what is being typed.  I had it made by Vista Print.  I am using my campaign phone number as my business phone for now because I don’t have a regular business phone and couldn’t decide between using my cell phone or my home phone as a business phone.  I also didn’t want to get another phone just for the business because I hate phones.

Off to CPAC I Go!  If you watch on C-SPAN on either Saturday or Sunday and you hear somebody yawn, it is probably me.

February 9, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, politics, satire, Washington | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The House, The Senate, Obama, and the Need for Independents

The “Payroll Tax Cut” is set to expire on January 1.  President Obama wanted to extend the tax cut for another year.  The Senate passed an extension for two months.  The House passed it for a year.  Since the House and Senate passed different versions of the bill, they were supposed to have members of both chambers meet and hammer out the difference.  The problem is the Senate has adjourned for the holidays and will not return until after the New Year.  The President now wants the House to pass the Senate version, but the House refuses to vote on it.

President Obama is a Democrat and the Senate has a Democratic Party majority, but the Republican Party has a majority in the House.  This bill is being labeled as a “Jobs Bill” (though I don’t know if this is supposed to generate jobs or is a tribute to Steve Jobs.)  The problem is that recently, both Democrats and Republicans have titled bills that have nothing to do with the laws they want to pass.  This practice has to end and the only way it can end is by voting for Independents like myself.

Since people don’t want to be mislead (I could be wrong here based on the politicians people vote for and re-elect), they should vote for people who won’t mislead.  Republicans and Democrats mislead.  They have mislead and switched positions with each other time and time again.

Obama and Democrats were elected in large part to bring a quick end to the Iraq War.  Not only did that war not end quickly and we’re still fighting in Afghanistan, but he managed to send troops to Libya.  Republicans, who were against withdrawing from Iraq, questioned why we were bringing troops to Libya.  Once Gadaffi was removed, Republicans were complaining that we were leaving Libya too early and we needed more troops there.

Instead of voting for the two parties, vote for independents.  They don’t have an ever-changing party platform to cling to.  All we Independents have is our word, and if we go against our word, we won’t be re-elected as we don’t have party pundits to spin our actions or our words.

December 21, 2011 Posted by | Afghanistan, commentary, Democrats, editorial, Iraq, issues, politics, taxes, Washington | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

%d bloggers like this: