Sneaking Up on Me

Election Day is less than a month away.  I hadn’t given it much thought because I moved within a month of Election Day and am ineligible to vote.  I’m not running for office this year, so there isn’t this “last-minute” campaigning that I usually do when after four years of campaigning I am still polling in the single digits.  (By “single-digits”, I mean single-digits of votes and not percentage of votes.)

For those who are new to the campaign, “Orgies for Abstinence” is a movement I started in 2009.  This event takes place twice a year.  The first one occurs the Friday after Easter.  This allows people who swore off abstinence for Lent to get back to their ways.  The second happens on Election Night.  This allows Americans feel what is like being a politician feels towards the people.  “Orgies for Abstinence” is just like fighting for peace.  Since politicians love the latter, it should make sense that they would like the former.

I haven’t planned an “Orgies for Abstinence” and it is unlikely that I will be able to plan one with the awesomeness that people expect from my Orgies for Abstinence campaigns.  I do plan on partaking on the festivities providing there is one happening on the Delmarva peninsula.  There is too much happening in my personal life (Taking care of my parents, looking for a business niche to fill, walking the dog every day, and finding a dominatrix who uses safe words I can pronounce.

Advertisement

Maury Moments

A “Maury Moment” is the time spent waiting for test results.  “Test results” and “Lie detector tests” are themes of the Maury Povich show.  The first Maury moment I had was in the summer of 2002 when I would find out that “Ahmnodt the father.”  My daughter was born the following March.

The second moment was a couple weeks ago when I underwent some tests when I suddenly lost weight and became ill.  Those tests were inconclusive and I had to go to Albany on Monday to undergo more tests.

The third Maury moment was yesterday from when my doctor called me and wanted to see him that afternoon.  I was concerned that the urgency of having to meet the doctor could have been a bad thing.  It turns out that urgency was because the doctor was about to take a three-week vacation and didn’t want to leave me hanging all this time.

The good news is that whatever caused me to lose weight and become sick was temporary and my blood tests came back fine.  The bad news is that during the checkup, the doctor noticed that I was having difficulty breathing deeply.  I have to undergo more tests for breathing and a chest x-ray on Wednesday.  The doctor wouldn’t say it, but I think the “Simple Chronic Halitosis” I have been fighting has become “Complex Chronic Halitosis”.  He opted instead to blame it on my smoking.  He also advised I take it easy this weekend.

I will be alone this holiday weekend instead of heading to Washington DC to be with my daughter and my parents.  I will be holding a telepathic campaign rally Monday at 8:00PM Eastern / 5:00PM Pacific.  I am hoping the doctor will allow me to partake in the “Orgies for Abstinence” event this Friday night.  I have given up abstinence for Lent and am withholding my urge to abstain until Friday.

Campaigning Snafus

I had spent the last couple days campaigning in my area.  There were a few people mad at me but I couldn’t understand why.  Then they told me.  They said I haven’t carried through on some of the things I have started.

The Walk-a-Thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness: – I had forgot to mention that it was postponed.  Some supporters had gone to Atlantic City to meet me and wish me luck as I was to walk from Atlantic City to San Diego.  This was something I was originally going to do in 2009, but I had to postpone it then because of mistakes in calculations.  I thought that I would have been able to do it in a week.  And my secret was going to go from Louisiana to New mexico and bypassing Texas.  (I never figured out how I was going to do that.)  I had also broken my ankle just prior to the walk-a-thon.

Orgies-for-Abstinence:  The first two were very successful, the third wasn’t quite as successful, though it wasn’t a failure.  The problem is I didn’t set up for Orgies for Abstinence IV (Set for April 29) because I thought there would have been enough enthusiasm to have the regulars set it up without my help.  This is sadly not the case.  If you want to set up an official Orgies for Abstinence, remember that they are twice a year:  The Friday after Easter and Election Night.  (In 2011, the dates are April 29 and November 8.)

Ahmnodtpalooza – This was something that was kicked around in a telepathic conference call.  I decided against it when it was learned that Hall and Oates would not reunite for the occasion.  My decision for whatever did not reach others in the conference call.

I have learned my lesson.  I will carry through on things I start and before I start them I will make sure I am interested.

Orgies for Abstinence III

The next “Orgies for Abstinence” will take place on Election Night across the United States.  The ideal place to hold an event is at a hotel that is hosting an election party.  Many politicians fully embrace the orgy concept to their constituents.

I will be posting more information including the abstinence literature you can hand out during your orgy.

I will be at the Marriott in Pittsburgh as it will be a stop along the way for the Walk-a-Thon for affordable entertainment awareness.

Walk-a-Thon Update and Adjustments

The Walk-a-Thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness will begin in a little over three months.  It starts in Atlantic City on October 9 and will end in San Diego on April 4, 2011.  Most of the nights I will be sleeping in a tent with my inflatable mattress.  One noticeable exception will be on November 2.  I will be in Pittsburgh at a soon-to-be-determined hotel for “Orgies for Abstinence III.”

I am having a custom designed cart built to carry the stuff I will need.  It is like a regular shopping cart, except with tires durable enough for almost 3,000 miles of travel and the ability to push it through snow.  It will also have a shelf that pulls out so I can continue working while I am in this walk-a-thon.  (Six months without working is too long.)  A hand brake is being installed so I can stop it and not worry about the cart rolling up and down mountains.

Below is a partial list of cities I will be stopping at along the way:

Philadelphia

Pittsburgh

Columbus

Indianapolis

St. Louis

Wichita

Guymon, OK

Albuquerque

Phoenix

Yuma

San Diego

Honolulu (Time Permitting)

If you are near the walking route and you would like for me to pass through your town, then feel free to send an e-mail by July 31.  I want to have the route finalized and more details as to when I will be on any given day soon after.

Thank You, Congressman Mark Souder!

I am saddened to hear that Congressman Mark Souder is resigning because of an alleged affair he had with his mistress Tracy Jackson.  He was one of the few members of Congress who had any enthusiasm for the “Orgies for Abstinence”  events I had organized last year.  He even went out of his way to make a promotional video promoting abstinence to show to others:

If Congress Souder had one fault, it was that he seemed to be too enthusiastic about “Orgies for Abstinence.”  He should have invited his wife, but opted to invite a staffer instead.

I thank Congressman Souder for his contribution and wish him the best of luck in his endeavors.

What’s in a Name

There was a poll on the website last month asking whether the name of “Orgies for Abstinence” to “Tease Party”.  Not only were the results close, but people on both sides were passionate in their names.  I have come up with a compromise plan:

“Orgies for Abstinence” will still be on the Friday after Easter and on Election night.  The primary purpose of Orgies for Abstinence will still be to encourage abstinence through raucous orgies.

“Tease Parties” will be on Inauguration Day and on April 15th.  On the rare occasion that April 15 is the Friday after Easter, then “Orgies for Abstinence” will take place on the 15th and the “Tease Party” events will be moved to the 16th.  The reason for this is because of the people who struggle trying to give up abstinence for Lent can now resume abstinence.  I do not want to delay their desire from abstaining after spending all of Lent abstaining from abstinence.

The next event is the “Orgies for Abstinence” on November 2.  The first ever “Tease Parties will be held during the various inauguration days of various offices.  I will give more information on when the various inauguration days are by Election Day.