Changing my Name

I am thinking about changing my last name.  People change their names all the time to get themselves noticed.  Few people know who Jay Scott Greenspan, Jennifer Anastassakis, or Krishna Bhanji are, but we all know know who Jason Alexander, Jennifer Aniston, and Ben Kingsley are.

More recently, The Cincinnati Bengals’ Chad Johnson changed his name to Chad Ochocinco.  Ochocinco comes from the “85” in his jersey number.  “Ocho” is “Eight” and “Cinco” is “Five”.  Nobody confuses Chad Johnson of the Bengals with Chad Johnson, the goalie for the Hartford Wolfpack (The New York Rangers’ minor league affiliate) anymore.  The name change has worked out quite well for him.

My name change will be similar to Chad Ochocinco’s.  My first name will still be Ahmnodt.  I am named after the great Bulgarian sculptor Ahmnodt Fukinov, who recently passed away.  Neither of my parents would approve my changing my first name.  The change will be my last name.  I am thinking of changing my last name to Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco.  “Cuatro” is “four” and “cinco” is “five.”  “Forty-five” represents my being the forty-fifth President of the United States.

The name changes has it advantages, but it also has a few disadvantages:

• Coming up with a catchy acronym for “Cuatrocinco” that people will remember to learn how to spell my last name.  I might as well write a book and try to recite it.
• My daughter Patricia gets teased enough from kids whose mother and father are married and have the same last name.  I never married her mother, but Patricia has my last name.
• “Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco for America.  Ahmnodt Cuatrocinco for You.” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Ahmnodt Heare for America.  Ahmnodt Heare for You.” does.

Should I change it or leave my name as it is?  Please leave a comment with your opinion.  I will weigh all opinions carefully before making a decision.  Thank you for your help in this matter.

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An Open Letter to America’s Independent Voters

Dear Independent Voter,

Like you, I am an independent voter and am not registered to vote as a Democrat or as a Republican.  I am registered to vote as an Independent.  I tend to vote for candidates who are neither Democrats nor Republicans.  If I vote for them, I might as well be one of them.

I am writing this letter today because there are more people registered to vote as Independents (40%) than either as Democrats (30%) or as Republicans (30%).   In theory, in a three-way race between Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, the Independent candidate should win because the Independent has the largest base to work with.  Yet on Election Day, the Independent often finishes a distant third behind the two party candidates.  This has to stop.  We Independents need to stick together!

Many of us are Independents because we know the Democrats and the Republicans do not have the answers.  If either party had the answers, then things would be honky-dory and we wouldn’t need the other party or independents.  But things are far from honky-dory.  We have a high unemployment rate, a weak dollar, and an entertainment industry that is pricing itself out of the affordable price range of many Americans.

It is time to start voting for Independents.  A good way to start is with the 2012 Elections.  I am running as an Independent for President.  I am the candidate Independents have been wanting to vote for.  If everybody votes party lines, I would only get 40% of the votes, but I would get enough electoral votes to get elected.

You are registered as an Independent voter.  It is time to vote party lines and vote Independents into office and fix this country.   Some will say that Independent candidates don’t have a chance and voting for an Independent would be a wasted vote.  The only wasted vote is voting for the same thing and hoping to get something different.  Albert Einstein thinks this is insanity and I agree.

I am writing this letter now because it will take a while for this letter to be spammed to all Independent voters.  If you keep getting this letter in your e-mail, please don’t get mad, just delete all but one letter.  You will need one letter to print out so you will know how to spell “A-H-M-N-O-D-T  H-E-A-R-E” (without the quotes or hyphens) when you go to vote.  If you need to remember how to spell my name, below are tips for my first and last names:

AHMNODT – A Horny Man Needs Only Dolly’s Taters.

HEARE – Horny Elephants Are Really Exotic.

It wasn’t the Independents that ran up the debt – It was the two parties.  It wasn’t the Independents who have our troops in the Middle East years after “Mission Accomplished.” – It was the two parties.  It wasn’t the Independents who drove up the price of entertainment and snacks at movie theaters, it was the two parties.

Please let your fellow Independent voters know that there is finally an Independent that Independents can rally behind and vote for.  That Independent is Ahmnodt Heare.

Acronyms – The Next Phase of the Campaign

I was fortunate Betty Poundcake was in my area tonight.  She was the medium that was able to channel endorsements from the grave.  She didn’t channel any endorsements tonight, but thanks to her, I was able to gain valuable advice from former President Gerald Ford.  Former President Ford said he had been following my campaign for over a year.  He gave an honest and sometimes painful critique of my campaign.  He said I spend too much time talking in a language that normal people understand.  He said that people want a president that sound smarter than they do.

He gave me my first lesson.  He said that if I use acronyms, I would sound more presidential.  Not only would I sound more presidential, but I would be more respected among my competitors and their supporters.  Here are a few we brainstormed:

READ – (Real Entertainment Affordable Daily)  READ is a program that will make entertainment affordable and filter out Canadian spies posing as entertainers.

SNIFF – (Sensible Needs in Federal Funding) SNIFF will continue to fund things we need (Like the military and nudie bars for the military) while eliminating pork programs like Congress and the Supreme Court.

SLUT – (Systematically Losing Unneeded Taxes)  This program will eliminate taxes that are no longer needed after raising the rates on taxes that are needed.

I will add other programs as the needs arise.  I have the foundations of a strong campaign with READ, SNIFF, and SLUT.  I would like to thank Betty Poundcake and former President Gerald Ford for their help.