Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

Gingrich
40.4%
243,153
Romney
27.8%
167,279
Santorum
17.0%
102,055
Paul
13.0%
77,993
Cain
1.1%
6,324
Perry
0.4%
2,494
Huntsman
0.2%
1,161
Bachmann
0.1%
494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

January 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

What is the Media Thinking?

All week the media has been fixated on allegations against Herman Cain involving sexual harassment in the 1990’s.  This has gotten more coverage than when both John Edwards and Newt Gingrich cheated on their cancer-stricken wives.  It used to be that the media didn’t cover a sex story unless there was actual sex.  Usually a bastard child was presented as proof of an affair.  But as abortions became more commonplace, the child was replaced with hush money and funding for abortions.

There was no sex between Herman Cain and the at least four women who have claimed sexual harassment charges against him.  But the way the media has been covering it, you would think every pregnant woman is carrying Herman Cain’s baby (with the possible exception of his wife.)

If the media really wants to cover a candidate with a wild sexual past, they should cover my campaign.  My daughter Patricia is a beautiful girl, but she was the result of a one-night stand.  Then there was the phase with the dominatrix.  I think all of the pictures have been destroyed.  (At least I paid good money for those pictures to be destroyed, especially the ones with me in a school-girl outfit.)

The reason why I think Herman Cain is getting more press for his exploits than I did for mine is mathematics.  9-9-9 > 6-9 so 9-9-9 gets priority in the news because it is a larger number.  That’s the only reason I could think of/

November 3, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, media, politics, scandal | , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on What is the Media Thinking?

Update on Goals

I had listed a list of goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of 2010.  Despite the hard work that some of my supporters and I have done over the last six months, none of these goals are on target of being met.  Below are the goals I had mentioned in the beginning of the year:

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2010.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

  • Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.
  • 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)
  • Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican).
  • At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
  • An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
  • At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).
  • One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)
  • Below is the progress (or lack of) of each of the goals:

    1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website. – I missed this mark by miles.  May was my second worst month since before the 2008 Elections.  I am currently averaging only 87.3 hits per day and averaged only 65 hits in May.  The good news is that June was my best month thus far in 2010 and I averaged 101 hits per day and 150 hits per day over the last week.  I will need to average 428.5 hits per day for the rest of the year to meet this goal.  Please tell all of your friends and half of your enemies about my campaign and this website!

    2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600) The good news that this has almost doubled since January and I am now at 30,500 results.  The bad news is that I am nowhere near 1 million.  I’m going to need people to do #4.

    3. Enough ‘write-in’ votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican) – I am going to have to scratch this.  Many of my supporters are independents.  While supporters may be liberal or conservative, they are smart enough not to support the two parties who claim to support their ideas.

    4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign – To the best of my knowledge, there has been one blog mentioning me and zero blogs mentioning my campaign.  I will make a deal – If you dedicate a blog entry to me and my campaign, I will dedicate a blog entry to your blog and your mission.

    5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. – Here is an open invitation for the ladies who got it to flaunt it for a good cause.  Even if you don’t got it, you can flaunt it for a good cause.

    6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable). – While I remain optimistic that this will eventually happen, I am not too sure it will be in 2010.  Requests to Rachel Maddow, Diane Sawyer, and Jim Cantore have yet to be answered.  I was to have an ad run on a cable public access show in Bend, Oregon, but that show was canceled before the ad got to air.

    7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!) – Did I ever pick a bad time to become monogamous!  I will sacrifice monogamy for the good of the campaign.  If you’re 18, female, and showered within the last two days, then send me an e-mail.

    There is much that needs to be done, but I will need your help (Especially with #7!).  Together, we can shake up “politics as usual.”

    July 1, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, write-in | , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

    Thank You, Congressman Mark Souder!

    I am saddened to hear that Congressman Mark Souder is resigning because of an alleged affair he had with his mistress Tracy Jackson.  He was one of the few members of Congress who had any enthusiasm for the “Orgies for Abstinence”  events I had organized last year.  He even went out of his way to make a promotional video promoting abstinence to show to others:

    If Congress Souder had one fault, it was that he seemed to be too enthusiastic about “Orgies for Abstinence.”  He should have invited his wife, but opted to invite a staffer instead.

    I thank Congressman Souder for his contribution and wish him the best of luck in his endeavors.

    May 18, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , | 6 Comments

    Impeach Mark Sanford!

    I rarely call for an elected official to be impeached, but the situation surrounding South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford warrant such a proceeding.  I am not going to call for an impeachment over an affair.  Elected officials are often tempted by hotties.  I cannot guarantee at this time that I wouldn’t be tempted if I was an elected official.

    The reason why I am calling for Mark Sanford to be impeached is because of all of those trips to Argentina.  It is difficult if not impossible to govern a state while in a foreign country.  If I am elected President, I vow to minimize my trips oversees and to frequent only American brothels.

    The people of South Carolina deserve a governor who does not mind living in South Carolina.  Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot be the governor of all 50 states.

    June 30, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

       

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