Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I am NOT Running for US Senate

Lately there have been rumors floating around that I was running for US Senate against US Senator Bob Menendez (D-NJ).  This is not true.  I do not know if it is the Menendez people who started this rumor or the New Jersey Republicans.  It could have even been started by my supporters who don’t want me to wait until 2012 for me to hold office.  I just want to let the record be known that I am NOT running for Senate.

I am not running for Senate because my abilities to get things done would be extremely limited as a Senator.  Any bills to fight the Cinemafia would probably be defeated 98-2 (I think I can get Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders to vote with me on this one.)  My health care plan isn’t really liked by either party, though the Republicans would like it a bit more if Republicans ran more apple orchards.

People feel compelled to write-in “Ahmnodt Heare” for every office these days.  While I appreciate the sentiment, the only office I am running for is President of the United States.  While I can’t stop people from writing my name, I am too preoccupied with the Presidential campaign, my business, my family, and the Vanna White supremacists to make any time to run for Senate.  I want these rumors stopped now before it escalates into the Rachel Maddow for Senate rumor that isn’t true, but is causing a lot of headaches for Ms. Maddow.

If you want to elect an Independent for Senate to represent New Jersey, I would recommend the state’s own Joe Piscopo.  If the Senate is going to go to Hell in a hand basket, we might as well get as many “Saturday Night Live” alumni to join Al Franken as possible and have a few laughs along the way.

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March 31, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, satire, write-in | , , , , , , | Comments Off on I am NOT Running for US Senate

I Have Won the 2012 Elections!

I have taken a bold step in declaring myself the winner of the 2012 elections before any vote has been cast.  The philosophy is simple:  declare yourself the winner, especially if you are losing.

It started with Norm Coleman declaring himself the winner in the Minnesota Senate race and going to court to try to prove it.  He did this despite having fewer votes than Al Franken.  More recently, Jim Tedisco tried to declare himself the winner with fewer votes than Scott Murphy in New York’s 20th Congressional District race.  This was the district vacated by Kirsten Gillibrand when she was appointed Senator after Hillary Clinton left to become Secretary of State.

I will go to court on Monday and present my case to the court.  I have the most blog hits of any declared candidate for office.  If the court agrees with me, it will save the country millions of dollars in election costs.

April 17, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Minnesota Solution

Senatorial candidates Al Franken and Norm Coleman have been in the courts fighting over who should represent Minnesota in the Senate.  Minnesota will have one less representative to represent them until this is settled.  I suggest that Governor Tim Pawlenty choose Ahmnodt Heare to represent the fine state of Minnesota until this dilemma is resolved.

It’s not like I have never been to Minnesota.  I am often in Minneapolis- St. Paul International Airport on a layover between flights.  I have watched former Governor Jesse Ventura wrestle on several occasions.  I feel a genuine connection with Minnesotites.

I will fight for Minnesota the moment I fight in Washington.  I will fortify the border with Canada and with Wisconsin.  I would encourage global warming in the winter.  I will bring affordable entertainment to Minnesota.

Governor Pawlenty, please consider the lack of representation your fine state currently has and choose me to represent Minnesota.  I thank you and I would be honored.

February 20, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, commentary, election, environment, legislation, politics, satire, Washington | , , , , , | Comments Off on My Minnesota Solution

   

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