Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Fix is In!

The media has missed a few things involving yesterday’s primary in South Carolina.  Below are the results:

Gingrich
40.4%
243,153
Romney
27.8%
167,279
Santorum
17.0%
102,055
Paul
13.0%
77,993
Cain
1.1%
6,324
Perry
0.4%
2,494
Huntsman
0.2%
1,161
Bachmann
0.1%
494

Results courtesy of Google Politics

The first question I am asking is how can a candidate who had to cancel campaign events due to lack of interest the day before the primary win the primary by over 12 percentage points?  Here was a man who was getting badly in the polls earlier in the week.  After the poll was taken it was discovered that The Newtered One wanted an opened marriage with his second wife so he can have affairs.  One would think that would have hurt him more, especially in a state with a large evangelical Christian voting bloc.  Yet he managed to win big.

The second question had to do with the 90,000 deceased people who voted.  I was the only candidate who bothered to court this demographic.  One would have thought that with just the deceased vote I would have enough votes to finish ahead of Ron Paul.  South Carolina and I share a common bond – an appreciation for Vanna White and all that She stands for.  She was born in North Myrtle Beach and South Carolinians like their people.  I have had a good relationship with the Vanna White supremacists in the state.  That should have helped me get more votes.  If you take the 90,000 votes from Newt Gingrich, you would get a result more accurately reflecting the polls.

I hope that the Federal Election Commission, investigative journalists, and the Scooby-Doo gang all investigate the shenanigans of the election and fix it before Florida’a primary and that this does not happen again!

January 22, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, politics, Poll, satire, Vanna White, voting | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Campaign Goals for 2011

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010- 35037 total hits (95.99 hits/day)

2011 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2011.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

  1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.
  2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)
  3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming 2012 primaries (Democratic and Republican).
  4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
  5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
  6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).
  7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)

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With your continued help and support, “Ahmnodt Heare” will soon be as common a household name as Lysol.  Think of me as the Lysol of bad ideas.  I kill them when presented to me like Lysol kills germs as soon as contact is made.  Tell two friends today about my campaign.  Thank you.

January 1, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, satire | , , , , , | 5 Comments

Election Day and Election Night

Today is Election Day in the United States.  Many people will vote for Democrats or Republicans thinking they will change the direction our country is heading in.  Others will not vote because they feel it doesn’t matter.  Some of you want to voice your dissatisfaction with what candidates are available.

If you want to voice your dissatisfaction, I am here to help.  You can go to your voting station and write in “Ahmnodt Heare.”  If you don’t want me to win, don’t worry.  I will not accept any office this year because I am running for President of the United States.  If I should win and I refuse to accept the position, you will be glad to know that you will not be represented because it won’t be your representative raising taxes and increasing spending.

Regardless of whether you voted today or not, you are invited to join one of the many “Orgies for Abstinence” popping up at hotels, political rallies, and places of worship across the country.  I will be at the one in Pittsburgh.  If abstinence is not your thing, you can listen to my election special tonight at 9PM Eastern / 6PM Pacific.  I will explain what the results available will mean for America as well as show what the elections will mean for my chances to win in 2012.

November 2, 2010 Posted by | blogtalk radio, campaign, commentary, election, humor, politics, satire, write-in | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Remember the State of the Union!

Tonight at 8:00PM Eastern, President Obama will be giving his first “State of the Union” address.  I will be blogging along side in real time.  If you cannot view the blog and see my real-time reactions, then all you have to do is click here after the speech and see all of my reactions as well as get an overall view of President Obama’s speech.

If you have any questions or comments about any of my comments, feel free to leave a comment and I will try to reply during the speech.  I will reply to all other questions and comments immediately following the speech.  I will not be blogging real-time to the Republican Reply, because people don’t care about the other party’s reply.

January 27, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, issues, Obama, State of the Union, State of the Union 2010 | , , , | 2 Comments

Update Show

I will be updating the happenings and goals of my campaign. I will also give analysis on the latest news happenings and take your calls.  This will be my last show until the first Sunday in June.  The show is Sunday night at 11:00PM Eastern.

April 16, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, editorial, issues, Platform, satire | , , | Comments Off on Update Show

   

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