The Untitled Blog Entry

Yesterday was Betty Poundcake’s funeral.  It turned out that she didn’t have many male friends so I ended up being a poll bearer.  There were only four of us carrying the casket.  Betty’s brothers were carrying in the front while Betty’s son Junior (Kyle Poundcake, Jr.) and I were in the back.  The casket was about to be hoisted into the hearse when Betty’s brother Karl collapsed.  His sudden collapse and the lack of manpower around led to the side of the casket slamming into my knee.  I was in excruciating pain, but the casket still had to go into the hearse.  It took the three of us a while, but we were able to get the casket into the hearse.

The next problem was getting the casket out of the hearse and into the hole that was dug.  My pain wasn’t any better.  As I was bending my knee, I was emitting sounds that resembled a porpoise.  My body was shaking from the pain.  Just before the casket was fully lowered, I let out a deafening yelp.

I went to the hospital after the service.  The pain was sharp and constant.  It was like listening to Celine Dion sing while she scratched a blackboard.  I wanted my mommy.

The doctor saw me and gave me an apple.  I thought it was an odd gesture.  The doctor chuckled and said “An apple a day…  I guess that it doesn’t always work.”

“What doesn’t always work?”  I asked.

“Your health care plan.  Here you are seeing a doctor anyway.”

The presumption of my health care plan is that many diseases are avoidable and that people generally do not take very good care of themselves.  Injuries are another subject.  They are usually avoidable, but unlike health issues of a poorly maintained body, injuries can be caused by another person with no way the injured can avoid it.

I reminded the doctor of the hypocritical oath.  (He corrected me, it’s actually “Hypocratic Oath.”  It turned out that there was no ligament damage, but the knee was badly bruised.  He placed an ice pack on the knee and started singing, “Ice, Ice, Baby.”

I woke up at 5:30AM this morning and wrapped an ice pack on my knee and drove home.  I just got home at 4:00 and now have my knee up.  I will soon be taking a nap followed by the premier of my video show live at 10:00PM Eastern.

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Obamneycare #gopdebate

The only way to make health care affordable is to cut costs.  It is not to have government pay what people won’t.  This is why my apple tree plan is vital.  Apples are cheap and an apple a day will keep the doctor away.

Social Security and Tax Cuts

Instead of raising Social Security taxes or cutting benefits, we should find ways to make things more affordable for seniors.  Besides my “apple-a-day” health care plan, we can give Seniors a discount on dog food.  They can pay generic prices on premium dog food so they don’t go to bed hungry.

Revised Campaign Schedule

Below is the original schedule I had posted last week:

Wednesday – Pittsburgh, PA (I will be discussing how the steel industry is a leading cause of air pollution.  I will also discuss the social ills of sexual misconduct among professional athletes.)

Thursday – Akron, OH (Was originally going to be in Cleveland, but changed location due to the LeBron James fiasco.  Turns out to be a bad idea because not only is Akron Cavaliers country, but it’s where LeBron was born and raised.)

Friday – Detroit, MI (I’ll think of something)

Saturday – Hamilton, ON (Where better to discuss my foreign policy than in a foreign country?  With some negotiations, the United States can divert going to was against our neighbors to the north.)

Sunday – Buffalo, NY (My birthplace   I was raised in Washington DC, but I was born in Buffalo as my parents were driving from Hamilton to what was supposed to be Albany, NY to visit my father’s old college roommate.  I was born in the car just before crossing the border {It took two hours to cross the border that day} and I stayed in a Buffalo hospital.

Due to my daughter’s safety, I had to drive her to Washington yesterday instead of having her go home with my father on Sunday.  I also had a heavy work load, which prohibited me from bring Patricia sooner.  I had to take Detroit and Hamilton off my campaign schedule and replaced it with Hartford and Newark.  Below is the new revised schedule:

Thursday (Today) – Pittsburgh, PA (I will be discussing how the steel industry is a leading cause of air pollution.  I will also discuss the social ills of sexual misconduct among professional athletes.)

Friday – Akron, OH (Was originally going to be in Cleveland, but changed location due to the LeBron James fiasco.  Turns out to be a bad idea because not only is Akron Cavaliers country, but it’s where LeBron was born and raised.)

Saturday – Buffalo, NY (My birthplace   I was raised in Washington DC, but I was born in Buffalo as my parents were driving from Hamilton to what was supposed to be Albany, NY to visit my father’s old college roommate.  I was born in the car just before crossing the border {It took two hours to cross the border that day} and I stayed in a Buffalo hospital.

Sunday (Morning) – Hartford, CT – I will discuss the great things that Gary Bettman and the NHL have done for the city of Hartford.

Sunday (Afternoon) – Newark, NJ – My Health Care plan and the implementation in urban communities.   Included will be plans of building multi-level orchards in a greenhouse environment which will allow more apples to be grown in a limited space.

There will be many trips like this as well as weeks when I campaign while working on the road.  I will also have to make time for debates against President Obama as well as the Republican and Tea Party Parties candidates.)

Things I Have Noticed

There are some things going on in Washington that I have been keeping my eye on.  None of it is making any sense to me.  If it’s making sense to you, please let me know.

Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the Pentagon, and the White House are not on the same page as it applies to Afghanistan.  Not only are they not on the same page with each other, they are not on the same page with me.  I would have spent less time in Afghanistan and Iraq and more time in Canada.  If I won the election in 2008, not only would I have withdrawn from Iraq and Afghanistan, but I would be in the beginning stages of withdrawing from Canada by now.

I heard in the news that fewer doctors are accepting Medicare and Medicaid because of the decreased payments that Medicare and Medicaid are willing to pay doctors.  My “Apple-a-Day” program would have been fully implemented.

The BP oil disaster would have been handled differently.  As Commander-in-Chief, I have to protect America from all enemies, oil and domestic.  I would have encouraged those who wanted to help clean up the oil to clean up the oil.  If I couldn’t get enough people to volunteer, I would have reinstated the draft until every last drop of oil is out of the Gulf of Mexico.

Reminder:  Don’t forget to listen to my radio show tonight at 10:00PM Eastern.

Health Insurance Reform

This is still a topic.  The way to make health care affordable is to cut costs, not to give health care industries more money.  I would focus on prevention.  I would grow apple trees because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.  It’s keeping the doctor away that will ultimately save money on health care.

Why I am an Independent

People often ask me why I am running for President as an Independent and not as a Republican or a Democrat. They often claim that I do not have a chance because I do not belong to either party.

Some reasons why I am not a Republican:

• War: Republicans love to declare war on everybody (as long as their children don’t have to fight.) I believe war should be limited to the most extreme circumstances. (Like Canada.) They also believe that a soldier should be a soldier 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I believe a soldier should only have to be a soldier from 9AM to 5PM from Monday through Friday. They should have weekends and holidays off like everybody else.
• Surveillance: Republicans believe that we should be spying on anybody who can be considered a national threat. I think that surveillance equipment should only be used on the hottest women and only in showers and bedrooms.

Some reasons why I am not a Democrat:

• Bailouts: Democrats believe that we should bailout existing companies who are in trouble as a way to create jobs. I believe these are the last companies to go to for job creation. I have stated in the past that bailouts are better suited to go to companies who are either financially sound or no longer exist.
• Health Care: Democrats believe that government should play a role by helping pay for health care for people who can’t afford it. I believe the way to make health care affordable is by cutting costs. I am a proponent of prevention. The only role government should play in health care is planting apple trees everywhere. An apple a day will keep the doctor away, thus saving on trips to the doctor.

The vision for America that Democrats and Republicans have is too different for me to join either party. I believe that I am not the only person who feels this way towards both parties. This is why I am running as an Independent.