WANTED: Running Mate

If you have some free time between January 2017 and January 2021, please consider running as my running mate in the 2016 election.  Below are the requirements that must be met in order to be considered to be a Vice President:

• Must be at least 35 years old by January 20, 2017.
• Must be a United States citizen not residing in the State of Delaware. (The President and Vice-President must be from different states as per the U.S. Constitution.
• Must not have a police record with any felonies.

If you meet the criteria and you want to considered a candidate to be my running mate, then send an e-mail to my campaign manager the reasons why you should be my running mate.  The e-mail should include the following:

1. Why my campaign excites you.
2. The skills and experience you can add.
3. Your best Chili Con Carne recipe.
4. Why you would be assassination insurance so I can live throughout our term.

If you are interested in a cabinet position or the position of First Lady, feel free to e-mail my campaign manager indicating the position you desire (doggy style is not a cabinet position) and a brief summary including the first three points of the Vice-President position.

 

Applications will be accepted until February 16, 2015 at 12:00PM Eastern Standard Time.  Enter early and often!  America needs you!

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Paul Ryan

In case you missed it, Mitt Romney named Majority Whip Paul Ryan to be his running mate.  This is good news for my campaign.  Picking Paul Ryan all but assures that Mitt Romney will nor be elected President.  Don’t get me wrong, Congressman Ryan has all that it takes to be Vice-President.  He can vote the way he’s supposed to vote to break ties in the Senate.  He can go to ribbon-cutting ceremonies and give speeches.  And he can brew coffee.  (Since he would be Romney’s Vice-President, he wouldn’t have to brew coffee often because Romney doesn’t drink coffee.)

There are three reasons why Paul Ryan is a bad choice for Vice-President.  The first is because he it touted as a”Budget Guru”. but the budget he proposed in 2010 promised ten more years of Bush-sized deficits.  One reason why Obama won in 2008 was because he promised we would no longer have Bush-sized deficits.  (He didn’t tell us that his deficits would be much larger.)

The second is because he is hardly what one would call “assassination insurance”.  People want their president around for four years.  The reason why no serious attempt has been put on any president in recent years is because people were too scared of what would happen if the Vice-President became President.  This is why Dan Quayle, Al Gore, Dick Cheney, and Joe Biden have been picked as Vice-President.  As bad as things were with George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama have been, it would have been worse if either of their vice-presidents were to take over.  Joe Biden is why Barack Obama is still alive and is why Hillary Clinton will never be a vice-president.

The third reason is because Paul Ryan is not Albee Thayer.  Albee Thayer is one of the best debaters in the world and would easily beat Ryan and Biden in a Vice-Presidential debate.

I wish the Romney/Ryan ticket luck, but it won’t do much good.  One foot is already in the grave and the other is on a banana peel on a wet marble floor.

Who On Stage Would Be My Vice President?

It is hard to pick a vice president.  I have tried in the past and ran into problems (age, arrest records, country of origin, etc.)  Out of those on stage debating, I would choose Michele Bachmann.  I would choose her because a president can never be too careful.  Sometimes a president makes decisions that are unpopular.  Michele Bachmann would be my candidate because there would be times when I would need assassination insurance.  She is best suited to be my vice-president for that reason.