Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Last 24 Hours

The last 24 hours have been busy between campaign obligations and personal things I needed to get done.  Some of the things took longer than I would have liked.

1:30PM – Went to doctor to get cast removed from ankle from my hiking incident in Colorado in August.  I spent almost three hours in the doctor’s office as the waiting room with ailments ranging from the swine flu and influenza to Simple Chronic Halitosis and epidermis exposure.  I am limping, but that should diminish as I get used to putting weight on my foot again.

4:30 – Headed to the supermarket to get food, chips, and beverages for the football game between the Redskins and the Eagles.  I was stuck behind a woman with 30 items in a “12 Items or Less” lane.  She apparently had tapped all of her credit and debit cards.

7:00 – Gave the Hell’s Angels speech.  I had spent so much time in the doctor’s office and the supermarket that I didn’t have an idea on what to speak about.  Fortunately, I was able to hear some Hell’s Angles member talk about how cold it was here but how hot it still was in Florida.  I came up with the concept of Local Warming.  Local Warming differs from Global Warming in that parts of the country that needs warming would be warmed while other parts would be cooled until a universal temperature is reached.  They were skeptical as to how I was going to do this, although it seemed they liked the idea.  I told them I would look into it and would come back in two months with a viable plan.

9:45 – Got home later than I wanted to.  The Redskins were already losing 17-3.  I gave up on cooking a meal for the game and just munched on chips while washing it down with Mountain Dew.

4:15AM – I found out that my neighbor’s dog gets irritated by the passing of fire trucks.

10:00AM – I found out that Facebook had shut down the “Orgies for Abstinence” event page.  Somebody was “offended.”  I do not know if the person was offended because he or she finds orgies or abstinence offensive or if this person felt slighted because I did not offer a personal invitation.

It’s off to work I go, followed by an evening of relaxation.

October 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The New Pandemic

While the entire world has been focused on the Swine Flu, a new pandemic condition has surfaced around the world.  As of the last time data was gathered, over 20,000,000 million Americans were affected with some form of Simple Chronic Halitosis (SCH).  Like the Swine Flu, there are measures one can take to prevent the spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.

  • Avoid spicy foods and condiments – Avoid anything with onions, garlic, or peppers.  Do not drink coffee.  Do not add ketchup or mustard to food.  These accelerate the bacteria that cause SCH.
  • Do eat minty foods – Foods like Mint flavored ice cream will help kill off SCH bacteria.
  • Use mouthwash and brush your teeth and tongue – Proper oral hygiene is essential in preventing SCH and minimizing its effects if it does attack.

These few simple steps will go a long way in stopping ths spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.

April 30, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, health care, satire | , , , | 1 Comment

   

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